The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

bdaygirl · 11 May 2024, 16:00 ·Grand Rapids, United States

Happy birthday anyway!

Today, I received a short happy birthday message from my father. He’s never been one to show affection, and I haven’t spoken to him in months since he only reaches out to ask for money. This might have given me hope that he cares or wants a relationship with me. Except… it’s not my birthday, and I don’t think he knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 23 November 2025, 03:00

Stolen valor!

Today, I told my crush I’d bring homemade cookies. The batch burned so badly the smoke alarm screamed. In desperation, I bought store cookies, put them on a tray, and claimed them as mine. My crush said, “These taste store-bought.” I panicked and confessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 You deserved it 412

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Anonymous · 11 October 2021, 05:00 ·Norden, Germany

Dysfunctional

Today, health insurance is supposed to take care of your health. Or that’s what I thought. Mine is currently pushing me towards suicide, by repeatedly asking for money I don’t have, for an insurance I don’t want, because they don’t pay for anything that actually helps me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337 You deserved it 169

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Anonymous · 12 October 2021, 11:00

Kinda sus, dude

Today, I found ladies knee-high socks that weren't mine. I don't even own a pair of knee-high socks. After bickering back and forth with my boyfriend, he said, "Actually now that you mention it, I thought they were yours and I put them there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 836 You deserved it 102

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Anonymous · 18 May 2024, 09:00 ·Germany

Good intentions…

Today, I drove for three hours to surprise a girl after surgery. My truck broke down outside her place, and it turns out she's over an hour away at her family's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426 You deserved it 225

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Penny · 17 October 2021, 02:00

Glassed

Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893 You deserved it 167

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Anonymous · 22 October 2021, 01:59

Blow it

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344 You deserved it 751

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God dammit · 6 December 2025, 20:00

Thanks, asshole

Today, the new guy at my workplace was on his phone so much that he has become solely responsible for a new rule: no one is allowed to have their phone on their person, except on breaks. So, I guess that if my severely disabled mom ever has an emergency at home, she'll have to fend for herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376 You deserved it 79

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Anonymous · 11 January 2023, 18:00 ·Thane, India

Paranoid

Today, some person I don't even know called me a scammer on my Facebook, and my mutual friends, who know my actual "GPS coordinates" blocked me before bothering to hear my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720 You deserved it 163

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Late for work (at least I had an excuse) · 11 December 2025, 22:00

Life on the North Pole

Today, after a snowstorm, I went to start my car early in the morning for work. The door was frozen solid, so I had to jimmy it open with a screwdriver. Then, as I started to drive off, my foot slipped off the clutch and the car stalled out. The battery was too weak to start it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344 You deserved it 84

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Anthony · 30 May 2024, 22:00 ·Manorville, United States

This is America

Today, I’m so broken and poor that I look forward towards my one free meal in my shelter just so I can have a conversation with people and act like I’m happy, and see another smile. I wish I could have more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582 You deserved it 101

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Anonymous · 13 December 2025, 22:00

Yada yada yada

Today, I tried to look productive in a meeting by nodding along, only to realize too late that I was actually nodding off. When my head dropped forward, it made a loud thud on my desk, and everyone stopped talking at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 387

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Spice gone wrong · 31 May 2024, 16:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Adventure time

Today, my normally very unadventurous girlfriend decided she wanted to have public sex. We were naked in the back of her car when she saw someone in the distance, had a panic attack, and started screaming uncontrollably. I got arrested because a cop heard the screams and thought I was attacking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792 You deserved it 188

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Cringed to death · 15 December 2025, 20:00

I'm never going outside again

Today, in a crowded store, I waved at someone who looked familiar. The woman frowned, looked behind her, then back at me, and said, “Do I know you?” I panicked and said, “Yes… spiritually?” She walked away faster than I’ve ever seen flee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 You deserved it 395

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Anonymous · 18 December 2025, 22:00

Bonus

Today, I finally got a bonus virtual gift card in my email that was thrown in for buying a new mattress. Except I've never used a virtual gift card before, I only have the vaguest idea as to how to use it. I actually googled how to use it because I was so clueless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 You deserved it 254

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my dad is blind as shit · 4 February 2023, 00:00 ·United States

Bat out of hell

Today, my dad asked to borrow my glasses to look for his glasses. He then took them off because they were extremely tight on his head, and gave them back to me. Then he turned around and walked into a wall. I sure hope my eyes don't get that bad, although they probably will by the time I'm 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720 You deserved it 153

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Anonymous · 22 December 2025, 12:00

Not my fault!

Today, I tried to be helpful by holding the door open for a woman carrying boxes. She smiled and hurried toward me, then tripped and dropped everything at my feet. She stared at me like I'd caused it, and said, “Thanks” through clenched teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 85

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Anonymous · 25 December 2025, 00:00

Remote

Today, I heard a gunshot not too far from the house. This is not unusual, as I live way out in the boonies and hunters tend to roam the woods. What isn't normal is a stray bullet hitting my above-ground pool, which promptly split open and released a torrent of water that flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 8 November 2021, 11:00 ·Dornum, Germany

There's no such thing as a coincidence

Today, I created a shared album with over a 1000 pictures and videos from a romantic vacation with my girlfriend of 3 months. Later, I got an angry text from my ex. It seems I accidentally added everything to a shared work-related album with my ex, which I didn't realise I had. My ex thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717 You deserved it 583

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Cardy · 26 January 2023, 11:30

Hunbot on the loose

Today, I had a blind date with someone a friend said would be a "perfect match" with me. Instead, that "perfect match" tried to get me to sign up to their scammy food supplement MLM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852 You deserved it 104

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Benn · 21 June 2024, 06:00 ·Montréal, Canada

Crumbling

Today, I ran into my ex at the supermarket. Trying to seem nonchalant, I attempted to make small talk while pushing my cart. I didn't notice that I was steering straight into a tower of canned goods until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 You deserved it 495

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Jeff just jeff · 12 January 2026, 12:00

The first step is the hardest

Today, I went to the gym after months of procrastinating. I walked straight into the glass wall next to the entrance instead of the door. A guy lifting near the front desk winced in sympathy. I still worked out, but I could see my face slowly swelling in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336 You deserved it 140

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Anonymous · 15 February 2023, 00:00 ·Portland, United States

There is no justice

Today, despite being innocent, I’m out $10,000 for bail, lawyers, and missed work. We haven’t even got a trial date yet, and if it goes to trial I’m out another $5000. Then I might have to go to jail. Oh and my employer just cut my pay and bonuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865 You deserved it 174

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Anonymous · 19 January 2026, 20:00

Old boy

Today, I visited my girlfriend’s family in Louisiana and her grandmother told her Pawpaw was still alive. Was it a neighbor or relative. Nope, a 60 year-old 12-foot alligator in the river behind their house. He actually came like a dog when she whistled. Scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393 You deserved it 81

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Cassy · 14 February 2023, 06:00 ·Rockingham, Australia

Shitshow

Today, my 4 year-old son got a hole in his head from doing a twirl jump off bricks out the back. After being in hospital for 8 hours, my car battery was flat from me leaving the lights on. My husband went to get a new battery and lost his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983 You deserved it 142

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Anonymous · 3 July 2024, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Do not disturb

Today, I have such chronic back pain that I can usually never get comfortable, but I found the perfect position to lie in bed, and was nearly 100% pain free. I felt so good. Someone knocked on the door, so I had to answer it. They'd got the wrong house number. I couldn’t find that perfect position again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562 You deserved it 125

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Laurenb · 6 July 2024, 16:00 ·Canada

Adulting

Today, I was teaching a class when a kid asked me why grown-ups needed to drink coffee. Before I could answer, another kid chimed in, "Because adults are boring and tired all the time." I laughed and said that sometimes adults need a little extra energy. One kid raised his hand to ask, "Is that why you're so grumpy every morning?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 361 You deserved it 222

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wouaf · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Voiron, France

Doggy dog world

Today, I was out shopping with my little sister. I wanted to try something on, so I put my bag in front of a changing room and jokingly told her to bark if someone came near. She ended up biting a lady who was trying to get into one of the changing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 606 You deserved it 5 619

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Anonymous · 11 July 2024, 16:00 ·United Kingdom

Retail work sucks

Today, a very rude older woman came in wanting to buy her first laptop. After a full hour showing her laptops and all the stuff you can do with them, she decided she didn’t want one. As a bonus, she told my manager, “He’s not very good at his job, is he?” Walk toward the light, you grave-dodging old bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523 You deserved it 124

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Kellz · 20 July 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Do not feed the workers

Today, at work, I tried to sneakily open a bag of chips I had hidden in my desk drawer. The bag decided to explode as soon as I tore it open, sending chips flying everywhere. My boss chose that exact moment to walk by and saw me on the floor, frantically picking up chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177 You deserved it 440

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