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Earplugs

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 22:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, at around 12 a.m. I went to bed, happy that I get to sleep in because I had nowhere be in the morning. Sadly that came to an end when I woke up around 7 a.m. to my mom coming home and screaming because she saw a mouse. FML

agreeclassic 675

vote type 1 94

A cat called Bruce

By Dave - 24/12/2024 12:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML

agreeclassic 333

vote type 1 224

Hope you have one of those too

By Joe - 02/01/2025 15:00 - Honduras - San Pedro Sula

Today, I posted a Happy New Year status for all my Latino friends and family. Well, I missed that año is different from ano, and I used the wrong letter and thus wished everyone a "Happy New Anus." FML

agreeclassic 167

vote type 1 476

Working from home rules!

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 02:01

Today, my husband said a cheery, "Hi!" to me after 4 hours of nonstop Zoom calls. I spun around happily and greeted him back. Turns out he just joined another Zoom call. FML

agreeclassic 920

vote type 1 142

Floundering off

By Awkward Nelson - 07/01/2025 20:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I tried to make a dramatic exit from a party after an argument by dramatically throwing my coat over my shoulder and storming out. The coat got caught on the door handle, and I had to awkwardly untangle myself while everyone stared. FML.

agreeclassic 100

vote type 1 595

By crap - 02/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

agreeclassic 1 559

vote type 1 662

Can't hold it in anymore

By Anonymous - 28/05/2022 04:00 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML

agreeclassic 770

vote type 1 188

Classic internet marketplace

By Anonymous - 17/08/2023 04:00

Today, I put something up for sale online. I provided all pertinent information in the description, and I had about a dozen replies. From the questions they asked, I have to conclude that NONE of those people actually read the description. FML

agreeclassic 663

vote type 1 82

Out of sight

By Gracie - 27/01/2025 00:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I thought I saw my ex in a crowded café, so I ducked behind a counter to avoid them. It turns out that I was hiding from a random stranger, while the barista thought I was trying to steal muffins. FML

agreeclassic 123

vote type 1 541

Bit of a headache

By Vlad - 27/04/2022 04:00 - Germany - Wolfsburg

Today, I have Lyme's disease. I caught it because we used alcohol on the area before we removed the tick that caused it. Apparently, that makes ticks vomit. I'm sick because a tick puked into me. FML

agreeclassic 960

vote type 1 170

We need to see the video!

By Lightweight - 08/03/2021 20:02

Today, I found out that while some people make out with others when drunk, I apparently sing a weird mash up between "Bad Romance" and Terry Pratchett’s Hedgehog song. My friends recorded it and posted it on Instagram. FML

agreeclassic 696

vote type 1 364

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 25/05/2022 04:00

Today, I got home to my wife surrounded by plaster, old cement and bricks, and a fucking massive hole in the kitchen wall leading through into next door's kitchen. Apparently she tried to put up a shelf and the wall “fell down”. FML

agreeclassic 949

vote type 1 98

Pure evil

By Not even a believer - 30/01/2025 19:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, for the Lunar New Year, my mom ordered me to put 8 horses in a specific location in the house. I used my limited edition My Little Pony figures. She got furious, had them destroyed, and cussed me out for bringing misfortune. How? Four of them had horns, whereas "4" means "death", and the horn represents evil. FML

agreeclassic 405

vote type 1 213

High school reunions blow anyway

By Spaceballs - 27/08/2023 00:02

Today, I got an invite to my high school reunion. With visions of wowing my former classmates, I set about starting a diet and exercise regimen. The universe had other plans. On my first run out in the fields, I managed to trip over an invisible pebble, fall into a puddle, and fuck my ankle up. The only thing I'm reuniting with now is my couch and a bag of ice. FML

agreeclassic 566

vote type 1 219

It's my own cheating heart that makes me cry

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 22:00

Today, I found out my mom is still cheating on my dad with her ex boyfriend from her teenage years. She was caught last year, but apparently it's still going on. FML

agreeclassic 1 100

vote type 1 130

Time for a block of your own

By honey - 06/02/2025 00:00 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, an old friend unblocked me. Two years ago, she blocked me with no explanation. I got a notification saying she followed me on Instagram. I asked a mutual friend, and they said, "Oh yeah, she broke up with her partner. I guess she’s going through it." So, she unblocked me because she’s lonely. FML

agreeclassic 431

vote type 1 90

By Anonymous - 19/07/2019 06:01

Today, my car horn got some sort of short and started beeping every 20 seconds or so. On the way to get it fixed, I got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Behind a cop car. FML

agreeclassic 2 034

vote type 1 131

Now you know

By Ouchies - 18/03/2021 17:01

Today, I went to the beach. My friend decided it would be funny to push me into a bunch of Portuguese Man-O-War jellyfish washed up on the shore. Did you know their tentacles can sting even if they’re dead? FML

agreeclassic 1 173

vote type 1 96

Long time coming

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 14:00

Today, I got turned down for my dream job. Why? Because my ex phoned the company and told them how bad I would be for the job. He phoned me and said, "Now you know how it feels to be turned down." We dated for 2 weeks, 11 years ago. I'm now married and haven't spoken to him since we broke up, so I guess he's been stalking me. FML

agreeclassic 1 501

vote type 1 144

Valentine's truth

By Anonymous - 14/02/2025 22:00 - Germany

Today, I got my husband his favorite candy and wine for Valentine's Day. He got mad and accused me of doing it to "bribe" him into bed, since he hasn't been wanting sex lately. When I asked how he could say something so cruel, he admitted that he's been cheating on me, and my gift made him feel guilty about it. FML

agreeclassic 846

vote type 1 104

Money for nothing

By Anonymous - 13/06/2022 10:00

Today, four years after coming back home from working in another country, I got a tax bill from that country. For my income there from two years ago. If they give me the money I supposedly earned, I'll gladly pay those taxes. FML

agreeclassic 901

vote type 1 92

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 26/02/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML

agreeclassic 404

vote type 1 166

Hey good lookin'

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I realized that whether it takes me 3 minutes or 3 hours to get ready, my husband always has the same reaction, “Uh… yeah babe, you look fine.” Thanks for the confidence boost babe. FML

agreeclassic 177

vote type 1 434

Rosy picture

By Heartbroken - 03/03/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my son complained that he didn't want to go to school. My husband asked, "Want to swap? You can go work all day, come home tired, and your only reward is a whiny wife and bratty child griping and complaining and expecting you to fix every problem." Part of me died when I heard that. FML

agreeclassic 495

vote type 1 462

Good deed, or not

By Everything Counts - 21/09/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, my throat itches and I'm congested. It's Friday, the day I'm supposed to be heading down to help my folks clean out their basement. I have had to cancel on them for two weeks now because this seems to always hit me on a Friday. I want to help, but don't want to infect my parents, who are in their late 60s and mid 70s. FML

agreeclassic 564

vote type 1 157

Relax

By Anonymous - 05/03/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I was craving some comfort food, so I grabbed a bag of nachos from the cupboard and sat down to binge-watch Netflix. As I opened the bag, the chips exploded everywhere, spilling all over the couch, and floor. I spent the next half hour picking up crumbs while my dog and cats happily ate the scraps. FML

agreeclassic 344

vote type 1 152

How smelly is your piss?

By Anonymous - 08/04/2021 21:00 - Finland

Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML

agreeclassic 830

vote type 1 159

Many such cases

By Diane - 09/03/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I sent a text to my best friend venting about how terrible my date was going. I called the guy I was with a "clueless idiot." I sent it to my date instead of my friend. He responded with, “I’m sitting right in front of you.” FML

agreeclassic 58

vote type 1 814

Thanks, I hate it!

By LinkyMan - 14/03/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, I found out my long distance girlfriend gave me chlamydia, after I spent $1k to fly her out for a week. I paid for an STD delivery. FML

agreeclassic 459

vote type 1 148

The grey zone

By Anonymous - 26/06/2022 18:00

Today, man do I feel old. For the first time ever, a teen thug with more acne spots than brain cells told me to, “Piss off grandad.” Grandad? Guess I look older than I feel. FML

agreeclassic 781

vote type 1 97

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I heard water splashing outside of my house; I investigated it, only to find my dad, whom I don't live with, syphoning gas out of my car. FML

agreeclassic 40 100

vote type 1 2 978

Today, I got a ticket for parking "illegally." I was waiting for my handicapped dad at the airport and had all the required documents to park as I did while waiting for him. The cop didn't care, and now I have to go through bureaucracy hell to get it cancelled. FML

agreeclassic 1 384

vote type 1 118

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

agreeclassic 31 919

vote type 1 10 327

Today, I was complimented on my hat by two different people. I wasn't wearing a hat. FML

agreeclassic 31 014

vote type 1 6 381

Today, I realized that I wasted my time in college. I'm supposed to graduate next month, and I hate the career I'm going into. I could've focused on recruiting and easily found a job I would enjoy, but I decided to waste my time watching YouTube videos and playing video games that I'm not even good at. FML

agreeclassic 241

vote type 1 1 553

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

agreeclassic 51 070

vote type 1 6 560