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Helmut Newton strikes back

By badizzle - 15/09/2019 22:00

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

agreeclassic 1 691

vote type 1 143

Boozehound

By not an alchy - 09/05/2021 19:59

Today, my boyfriend tried to confront me about my “drinking problem”. He claims that the last time he was at my place, I had a full bottle of rum and now it’s gone. He hasn’t spent the night at my house in over two months and it was a half bottle of Malibu. FML

agreeclassic 945

vote type 1 128

Charity

By HashimotoGirl - 02/11/2023 07:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I found out my “boyfriend” is going out with me because he feels sorry for me. He and his friends have a group chat where they call me “Miss Piggy” and post fat jokes about me. I have a thyroid condition and hurt both my knees in an accident, so it’s really hard for me to be in shape. FML

agreeclassic 609

vote type 1 158

Check your feeds!

By Captain Oops-a-Lot - 03/11/2023 00:02

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I mistakenly took a screenshot and then proceeded to fumble my phone. It wasn't until 5 hours later when I recharged it that I realized I had unintentionally posted the screenshot of me on the toilet to Instagram. FML

agreeclassic 157

vote type 1 603

Caturday treat

By Leah Magers - 30/07/2022 12:00

Today, I was about to climb on top of my husband for some fun time, when I stuck my hand in a giant pile of cat poop on my pillow. FML

agreeclassic 1 007

vote type 1 287

Get me out of here

By mirabelle - 06/11/2023 03:00

Today, my mom screamed at me for not saying “Thank you” after she gave me food. Yesterday, she screamed at me for thanking her. I’m 24 and can’t afford to move out. FML

agreeclassic 513

vote type 1 121

Narcissistic parenting

By CheeseMakesMeFart - 04/08/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, my parents kept on trying to create drama in my long-distance relationship,and telling me that my life is a mess. But when I tell them they played a huge part in my crippling anxiety, they change the topic. FML

agreeclassic 913

vote type 1 141

It's downhill from here

By Lost Reggie - 14/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, my best friend since 8th grade died. This follows the deaths of my father in 2023, my divorce, and my mother dying last year. I already had an emotional Mother's Day, and now this. FML

agreeclassic 611

vote type 1 83

Denial

By Anonymous - 18/11/2023 15:00 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, my mother-in-law said I was manipulative, awful, mean, incapable of love, and the reason for my husband's depression. All because I got him to agree to inpatient psychiatric care after he expressed suicidal thoughts that included our children. She says it's ridiculous and he's fine. FML

agreeclassic 811

vote type 1 114

Thanks, I feel better!

By Neal - 10/08/2022 13:00 - United States - Northport

Today, my dad told me, in the form of a soliloquy, to have a better attitude about death and dying. I have terminal cancer. FML

agreeclassic 1 311

vote type 1 110

OK Boomer

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 10:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my dad said to me, "This millenial idea that you can be happy in life is so wrong." FML

agreeclassic 761

vote type 1 208

Full house

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 20:00 - United States - Washington

Today, using the money my mom gave me for my birthday, I bought a new laptop for school. When I went online to register for classes, I found that all the online classes were full and remaining classes didn't qualify for my major. FML

agreeclassic 809

vote type 1 247

On the pull

By Anonymous - 09/06/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in a bar, I had to remind my brother that the bar was not open to the public, it was booked for a private party. Our family reunion in fact, so the girl he was “this close to pulling” was actually our Welsh cousin we’d never met before. He almost became a redneck stereotype. FML

agreeclassic 438

vote type 1 97

Nutshot

By DanJames24 - 10/06/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom

Today, a work colleague was trying to kill a fly that was buzzing around the place. I was about to go on my break, but was stopped because she missed the fly and accidentally whacked me in the balls in the process. By the time I didn’t feel sick anymore, my break was over. FML

agreeclassic 1 002

vote type 1 87

Stop assuming the worst!

By notbeeatingmywife - 21/08/2022 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend has some bruises from her karate class. We went shopping together and needless to say, I got quite a few dirty looks. FML

agreeclassic 888

vote type 1 99

I'm trying!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2021 02:01

Today, I was trying to exercise to lose weight but I got terrible bloating. Turns out that’s a common response, because the body thinks it’s being stressed. This is right after being diagnosed with allergies to some vegetables. I’m trying to be healthy, I swear. My body won’t let me. FML

agreeclassic 947

vote type 1 113

Unflattered

By lindsay - 28/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML

agreeclassic 1 798

vote type 1 161

Bad vibes

By Anonymous - 19/12/2023 12:00 - Switzerland - Riehen

Today, the evening phone conversations with my boyfriend, after I finished all my tasks, used to be the one thing I would be looking forward to all day. It would keep me going. Now, they feel like one more task, one more box to check before I can truly relax. FML

agreeclassic 499

vote type 1 225

The straights are at it again

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

agreeclassic 2 024

vote type 1 314

Too much YouTube true crime on the brain

By Anonymous - 27/08/2022 18:00

Today, and like every other day this year, my wife’s best friend thinks it’s funny to make comments that she thinks I’ll murder my wife, and that she should leave me ASAP. The best friend is in her 30s and has never had a boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 950

vote type 1 105

Confession

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 00:00 - Switzerland

Today, my wife confessed that she'd always assumed our kids would have her good looks and my talents. Unfortunately, according to her, our daughters take after my mum and are, "let's face it", in no way gifted. Poor kids and… FML

agreeclassic 453

vote type 1 151

Gamers gonna game

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 02:01 - United States - Escanaba

Today, I had to delay the Father's Day dinner that I had to cook, so it wouldn't conflict with my wife and kids' gaming schedules. FML

agreeclassic 988

vote type 1 137

Murphy's law

By murphyslaw948 - 27/11/2019 05:00

Today, I fall for a guy after 3 years of being celibate, after he shows all the signs of being into me. Turns out, he likes my best friend who is dating another guy I liked and was just using me to compensate for her unavailability. Guess I am really a walking, talking example of Murphy's law. FML

agreeclassic 1 946

vote type 1 242

Memory hole

By George - 02/09/2022 00:00

Today, me and the missus went for a boozy meal in our local pub. We stumbled home, and full of lager-fuelled love and courage, I asked her, "We getting married then or what?" She replied, "We're already married, you daft cunt." FML

agreeclassic 235

vote type 1 1 307

Absentmindedly

By Anonymous - 06/09/2022 19:00

Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML

agreeclassic 269

vote type 1 1 240

Busted

By amy - 08/09/2022 07:30

Today, I was released from jail. Why was I in jail? Last night, I used my taser on a much larger, drunken male individual who wouldn't physically keep his hands off me, despite me telling him to back off. Everything was on camera outside the bar, yet I'm the one who was arrested. Thank you California laws. FML

agreeclassic 1 396

vote type 1 234

Pizza > Love

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML

agreeclassic 418

vote type 1 112

Denied

By Josie Stiger - 19/03/2020 05:00

Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML

agreeclassic 1 628

vote type 1 320

Viking issues

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 09:00

Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML

agreeclassic 976

vote type 1 263

Crossed Wires

By Anonymous - 01/03/2020 15:00

Today, while on Grindr, I saw that this guy I'm friends with and have liked for a while now had messaged me. I got all excited, just for it to be a picture of him flipping me off. FML

agreeclassic 1 504

vote type 1 249

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Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

agreeclassic 2 103

vote type 1 276

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say "Yes" or "No", instead of nodding your head. FML

agreeclassic 10 450

vote type 1 59 548

Today, while I was at work, my husband threw out 50 out of my 70 T-shirts, all of my tank tops, and all but one of my sweaters. I'm not getting them back because they're burning in a bonfire in the backyard. FML

agreeclassic 3 884

vote type 1 720

Today, I found out my ex is getting married. She only left me 8 months ago. FML

agreeclassic 660

vote type 1 158

Today, the man of my dreams who I met online and have been exchanging messages with day and night for weeks asked the dreaded question: “Can you send me a full body pic?” It’s been 5 years since I had a guy hit me up. I weigh 300 lbs and look like a potato with legs. I don’t wanna lose him. FML

agreeclassic 444

vote type 1 1 115

Today, I went to the doctor because I felt sick. He told me to describe the symptoms I had. With every new symptom I described, he took a step back. FML

agreeclassic 852

vote type 1 136