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The facts are this: 1) I was asked out on a date. 2) I don't care about money. 3) I let him pick the restaurant so that he could keep it in his price range. I even offered to do coffee instead of dinner so that it wasn't a waste of money if we didn't have any real connection anyway. 4) He had been to the restaurant before and ordered the lamb dish, so he knew how much money it was. 5) I ordered water to drink. 6) He didn't even let me look at the menu before he recommended I get the lamb dish, because if I had I would never have selected a meal that was that expensive. 7) He told me to change my order in front of the waiter, and then ordered the lamb for himself. Not wanting to be a total bitch, I didn't complain, but at that point I expected him to pay for dinner. if I couldn't order what I wanted, why the hell should I pay? To all of you losers out there who weren't brought up properly, this is not the way to go about taking a woman on a first date. If you can't understand that, then I feel sorry for you. The whole point of this site is to tell humorous stories about everyday, insignificant things that people can relate to because we've all been there. It was a bad first date, but I think its a funny story. Whatever.

By KarateKid76 - 05/12/2013 03:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 587

You deserved it 6 365

By Nerrh - 12/03/2011 10:53 - Australia

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 249

You deserved it 33 688

By last time I drive stoned - 08/12/2012 17:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was stuck at a red light on an empty road for ten minutes before I finally realised that not only was I looking at the wrong traffic light, it was also broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 432

You deserved it 25 998

Booksmarts

By sigh - 29/03/2016 04:57 - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 503

You deserved it 4 946

By jl_word - 04/02/2015 21:49 - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 675

You deserved it 3 850

It's not what you think, sorry

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 345

You deserved it 10 243

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 187

You deserved it 4 567

Awwwww

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 00:53 - United States - Taunton

Today, I worked such a long shift at Panera that when my boyfriend called later, I answered, "It's a fresh day at Panera Bread in [town], this is [name] speaking. How may I help you?" He thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 018

You deserved it 2 384

By Heyjai - 16/12/2014 14:31 - United States - Westwood

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 154

You deserved it 14 410

Heyjai tells us more.

Heyjai 18

Wednesday 17 December 2014 22:16

Hi everyone, OP here. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Just to clarify my "brilliance" in getting into this situation...it was my first day of a virtual class so I had configured the camera and mic to work about an hour before class started, and thought I had muted both...but apparently had not done these properly. The hemorrhoids was particularly painful that day, and I didn't know if everything was ok down there, which is why I asked for spousal assistance before they left for work. i used the bed as it was easier to prop up on that than any surface in the bathroom. apparently several other students thought to set up their computers early too. just my luck. I won't be making THIS mistake anytime soon...