Today, I explained to my new neighbors that my kids will continue to use the pool in the backyard as they have for years. The neighbor immediately said my kids are not welcome in her yard and she is building a fence. I don’t know how to explain to my sweet babies they no longer have their pool. FML
Today, to my horror, I discovered I will owe child support for the kids my ex and I adopted together since she couldn't have any. I've met someone else and I'm planning on having real kids with her, but these payments will destroy everything. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, the man I thought I'd marry dumped me in a parking lot, because I insisted that any boys would be circumcised so my son wouldn't be confused. He literally said, "Circumcision is a deal breaker. Get out of my car." FML
Today, my son is only two but I'm already plagued by the idea of him one day having a wife or girlfriend. I'm being kept awake at night by the betrayal of something that hasn't even happened. FML
Today, I’m pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby. He’s been saying he’s gonna leave his wife for the past 10 months, but there’s constant hemming and hawing. He wants me to get rid of the baby because, “I’ve already raised my own child for 19 years, I don’t got time for this.” I’m Catholic and don’t believe in abortion. FML
Today, I did a prank to my teacher where I screamed "ALLAHU AKBAR" and pretended to pull a weapon from my pack. I got suspended for two weeks. My dad is so pissed that he's taken time off work and is forcing me to do brutally tough house chores all day, every day, for no pay. This is too much! FML
Today, as we were discussing our plans for 2026, I suggested we go vegan as it's healthier and better for the planet. My husband said, "Ask me to go vegan again and I'll have divorce papers for you the next day." Why? Why are men so adamantly opposed to veganism? FML
Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML
Today, I found out that the girl I’ve been trying to get at from my job, and buying her stuff for, got caught kissing another guy at my job, who hasn’t done shit for her. But yet she says she cares about me. Actions speaker louder than words. FML
Today, I told my almost 18 year-old that she couldn’t go to a school event because I needed her to watch her younger siblings so I could go out with my sisters. She scoffed, “You have four baby daddies and not one can babysit?” and then went to the event anyway. FML
Today, I woke up to a note from my wife, saying that since I spent Father's Day golfing, she booked herself a spa day, so I could take care of our 4 kids and the house like she does every day. She ignored every single one of my calls and didn't even tell me what spa she went to. What mother does that to her family? FML
Today, I yet again had to endure one of my patients talking about how their "faith in God" helped them. No bitch, the MEDICINE helped you, not your fake "God" who hates queer people like me. I wish I could yank your IV and see how much help "God" is to you then. FML
Today, I’ve been in mama bear mode, fiercely defending my 20 year-old son against several slanderous paternity claims. Good news; one test came back negative. Bad news; five others came back positive. Now none of the girls wants me to see my grandchildren because I sided with my boy. FML
Today, I brought a girl back to my place. She commented on how neat and clean everything was for a bachelor. I absentmindedly said, “Yeah, my mom comes over and cleans three times a week.” She made a face like I'd just told her I eat puppies or something, then made an excuse to leave. FML
Today, I was on a road trip with my boyfriend when he pulled off at Buc-ee's, saying we needed gas. I eyed the gas gauge and it was at half tank. When I got angry, he said, "I'm driving, and we're stopping at Buc-ee's because I've never been." I fumed in the car while he farted around inside for thirty minutes. FML
Today, over the last year, my husband has gone from listening to normal people music to constantly listening to boring classical music thanks to his new coworkers. We went to a work party and he spent half the time debating dead white composer men. LISTEN TO REAL MUSIC, YOU WEIRDO! FML
Today, I called my ex to ask if he could help with bills and buying some nice things for my son. He said, "Look, I'm not going to keep doing husband and father shit for a woman who won't marry me and a kid who isn't mine. Go call his dad." His dad is a deadbeat. He knows this. FML
Today, I told my husband that I didn't think our marriage was going to survive our stillbirth, and that we should get divorced. He said, "No way. We're going to marriage and grief counseling and not giving up on our marriage." He just doesn't understand that I blame myself so much and want to set him free. FML
Today, I finally cracked and told my boyfriend that if he didn't sign full custody of his evil, manipulative 3 year-old daughter to her mother, then I would leave. He picked me up and literally threw me outside his apartment, slamming the door in my face when I tried to run back inside. FML
Today, my dad explained to me that it's actually a "good thing" that we have a trillionaire in America now, because he builds rockets, and those are cool or something. WEALTH. TAX. NOW. FML
Today, I explained to my teenage daughter that enough was enough and she needed to start shaving her armpits again, stating it was unladylike and unsanitary. Her only response was, "If it's so unsanitary, why don't you make my brother do it?" I give up. FML
Today, I was wedding dress shopping. My fiance is only paying for the dress if I buy a size 10 or under. I’m currently a size 18. Apparently, this will give me “incentive to get in shape for the wedding.” FML
Today, my "president" invaded another country and stole their president to face bullshit "charges." I'm so disgusted to be from this place. I want to move somewhere else but I'm disabled. FML
Today, I started my senior year of high school and I just learned I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to tell my parents, considering I had a baby freshman, sophomore, and junior year as well. FML
Today, I realized I have two guys interested in me. One is a boring lump who has a good job and takes me to nice places, and the other is a hilarious hot sexy goofball who can't hold down a job and shamelessly mooches off me. FML
Today, my parents are calling me a spoilt brat and threatening to disown me if I don't let my sister, her six kids, and freshly out of jail boyfriend move into the house I spent 10 years working my ass off to buy without having a mortgage. Sis said I can sleep on the lounge as long as I pay rent. FML
Today, my fiancé actually threatened to leave me if I didn't find a "real" wedding dress. I love the one I picked out, it fits me perfectly, and was well below my budget. He's upset because it's technically a bridesmaid dress. FML
Today, my adult daughter reached out to me, asking to mend our relationship. I told her there would be nothing until she paid me back for what I spent raising her ungrateful self. In response, she laughed at me, said, "Never mind" and flipped me off as she walked out. FML
Today, the girl I was seeing was concerned about why I haven’t texted her in the past day. I sent her a picture of my newborn daughter and told her that my sister had a baby, and that I was helping her out. I had inadvertently sent it to my wife instead, because both their names started with H. She “Read” it already. FML
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