Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, my brother and I moved out of an apartment into a new one. We both have ADD. Whatever you now imagine what that went like, yes, it exactly went like that. FML
Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML
Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
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Top comments
Notesz_b 13
Well then...that's inappropriate.
Hefri123 19
Shit in his bed?
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Comments (63)
Hefri123 19
Shit in his bed?
BlockOfRedStone 25
He'd probably like that
RudyH621 25
Scat fetish?
XxGaLaXy_HiTzxX 14
"I've shitted in every room of this house, but yours was the best"
Notesz_b 13
Well then...that's inappropriate.
MetalxSoldier 26
Yeah, that's not creepy coming from your brother.
EmperorChowilio 21
Or anyone really.
okudatwo 11
Now might be a good time to reveal to him the hidden cameras you conveniently decided to put in each room 3 years ago.
Lalala579121 28
And then summarily destroyed once you saw your brother masturbating on them?
AC98 19
Run.
Allornone 35
well, now you have to one up him by masturbating in every room of the new house. actually, no, that's just creepy. nevermind.
ThrottleJockey 36
A wankathon? Sweet!
Zarnaik 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I smell some great opportunity for wincest :^)
MetalxSoldier 26
Dude no, just... no.
mjd02 15
sweet home Alabama
PePziNL 20
I smell something else...
Lizzy500 16
Your brother is a weirdo.
petert71 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
When my brother trys this, I like to go one better. "That's okay, I used your underwear draw as a spem bank. Nice and crusty." I wouldn't go near his underware draw but the look on his face to this kind of response is priceless.
hoosierholla 17
*drawer
fitnessgram 19
underwear*
Miss_Whipped 43
Underware sounds like silverware you keep in your underwear. (P.S., this isn't how spooning works.)
thepeachymuffin 14
Sperm*
thatweirdasian 22
*tries
Fmlreadermostly 20
That's where you look him in the eye and say "same".
Nyattack 14
Given the brother's... preferences, this could go wrong in many ways !