Nearly FMLs

Today, I realised as I was scrolling FML that the spot I put my thumb to scroll down has been where the "You deserved it" button is located. I've been "YDI" clicking on every post. FML

Today, I'm scrolling FML at 3am. Loneliness added with amnesia. FML

Today, I'm going through a rough time right now. I tried a few days ago to submit a post here, because why not. Apparently my life doesn't suck enough, because FML decided never to post my story. FML

Today, Dolly Parton died. FML

Today, the government has rigged voting so it has no opposition, silenced press, and runs a manipulative dictatorship. Children, women, and youth protesting against it get violent physical rebuttal - because the leaders are afraid. FML

Today, I realized that I will never be happy. I am 65 and have never felt real joy or happiness. I will never really accomplish anything, feel real love, or leave a meaningful legacy. I cannot change any of this. FML

Today, I was supposed to start on my new insurance, as we changed it in the first week in May. We still haven't received my new insurance card and we need it for an appointment. FML

Today, I finished reading ALL the FMLs on the site, way back to 2008. I started a month ago. FML

Today, I got to page 1000 on FML while bored out of my mind at work. It's not lack of work, it's an extremely controlling colleague who changes everything I do anyway, so I stopped trying. At least all your posts give me some joy during the long hours! FML

Today, it sickens me how many women post FMLs about being sexually harassed, and how many turds click "You deserved it" in response. Sometimes I don't want to live on this planet. FML

Today, I just tried to create an account on this site because I wanted to post about something else, but no matter what i do it just doesn't work. I don't get an error message but I don't get any confirmation and can't log in. FML

Yesterday, I went to Ashford, somewhere I thought would be nice but was just buses and clouds and offices. Today, It was very sunny, but couldn’t go out because it was cold and I didn’t have money for the bus. I'm so pissed. FML

Today, I want to destroy the machine we live in for homelessness, poverty, disease, war, the existence of money, and everything else that is wrong with the world, and leave the people it helped to starve in the empty room that used to be the machine we live in. FML

Today, after years and years of hoping the Seattle Mariners would FINALLY make it to The World Series, it turns out that they just had to win one game, but instead of winning, they lost. Again. FML

Today, I went to a family cafe I hadn't been to in awhile. The food was delicious but halfway through I started to feel really warm. I think the AC in the restaurant was on the fritz or something and it was mid 70s outside. I was getting so sweaty that even the waitress noticed but didn't do anything about the AC. FML

Today, I realized I can't even submit an FML correctly because I've never seen one pop up and I've been trying since middle school. FML

Today, I lied to my husband and then turned around and told him the truth. He said that next time this happens, we’re getting a divorce. FML

Today, my wife forgot to feed me. Wives used to cook; now they’re too busy being “independent” while I, the noble provider of money and gifts, starve in my own castle. Feminism has peaked, which apparently it means “Make your own damn sandwich.” Time to reclaim manhood, or learn eggs. FML

Today, I realised that no one actually cares for me and now I'm all alone in my house thinking of why I'm still alive. FML

Today, it's been about 4 years since I apparently fell out of love with my wife. In a little bit will be the 15th anniversary of our first date. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. I just wish I could love her romantically again, but I think that ship has sailed. FML

Today, I have nobody to speak to. I hope you, stranger behind the screen, don't have the same. Bye. FML

Today, does anyone even know what a stylus is anymore? FML

Today, you’ll never see this but now every time I listen to Lil Peep I think about you. I miss you like crazy, I know I can’t be yours and you can’t be mine, but I still love you. I wish it could have been forever with you but it can’t be. Please text me, be mean to me, yell at me, do anything, I just miss you. FML

Today, I tried to draw a cute manga girl but make her into a Sacabambaspis. FML

Today, I have to finish a 3-4 page paper that due tomorrow night that I barely started, on top of study for a test I have tomorrow, and all I wanna do is sleep. FML

Today, because my cell phone charger stopped working, I bought a 15W wireless charger instead. The good news: the phone works with the charger. The bad news: for some reason the maximum wattage my phone can use while charging wirelessly is 7.5W, half of the 15W this $30 charger uses. Guess I have to get a refund. FML

Today, the front page FMLs, like 8 in a row, were specifically all about getting caught farting in elevators, and I’ve been having stomach pains related to gassiness because I’m lactose intolerant but need cream in my coffee to avoid acid pains. I can’t help but feel like this is an omen for inopportune farts today FML

Today, I decided to make an FML and… that's it. Why don't I have anything better to do in my life? FML

Today, I realized that the only reason I don't try to commit suicide on a daily basis is that my family has already had to deal with another suicide in the family in the past, and I saw the damage it did. I may be suicidal, but I'm apparently not cruel enough to put them through that twice. FML

Today, FML published nothing but little kid FMLs. Most people just come off as whiny bitches crying over spilled milk. Yet I’m so bored, I keep reading them. You suck, people. FML