Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
Today, during a intense orgasm I screamed, "You're my God!" at my husband. Afterwards, he told me I was blasphemous and reminded me that God smites those with false prophets. Needless to say, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut in the future. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Storvolleng 28
do the next best thing and shout "oh god!" he would be so pissed if you said his fathers name!
Excelz 10
Jesus should already be inside you anyway.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (63)
Storvolleng 28
do the next best thing and shout "oh god!" he would be so pissed if you said his fathers name!
Exodiafinder687 58
Well if he wants to be Jesus then she should be shouting out, "Oh, your dad! Your dad!"
buckdharma 38
Why did this get buried? It's freakin hilarious.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@38, I agree! That's why I always un-hide the negative comments. Most of the time it's just uptight dumbasses that get offended when you bring God into it. So they gather together, & thumbs down so many times it's like they're giving directions to the party at Satan's house later... Usually the negative ones are the true Awsmness.
incoherentrmblr 22
I hope your name isn't Mary, that way this doesn't turn into an Oedipus complex...
G00N3R 19
Only acceptable if he's Hispanic
Mightyrif 23
Took me too long to understand that you weren't being racist. Well played #2.
LaLince 40
A little megalomaniac but seriously funny.
Excelz 10
Jesus should already be inside you anyway.
teentee401 37
Your comment and picture go beautifully together
Rawrshi 25
Don't you mean divinely, 13? ;)
jademitch 20
Haha, not sure Christians would be pleased with that. Unless he's Christian grey, he seems to like the 'kinky fuckery'
Smooth_Criminal 24
Christians won't know unless she tells them.
pimrol 16
some people have weird fetishes..
Noah197099 17
Maybe the sex was so good that he felt reborn.
ZombieSazza 34
I laughed so hard at this, thank you!!!
Soundslikeothers 15
I would a asked you to call me Moses as I part your sea.
Exodiafinder687 58
Well remember that Moses didn't just part any old sea. He parted the Red Sea. So she can only call you Moses for about 1 week every month.
minesbiggerr 25
Well played, well played indeed
KociaQ 30
Well... that makes is a good safeword :D
Enslaved 38
My safe word is: "Roxbury" Because-- Baby, don't hurt me Don't hurt me, no more
Rawrshi 25
I ******* choked. I'm totally using "Roxbury" as one of my safewords now. Bahaha.
homesuckfucker 28
Explain to him that, "biblical roleplay," isn't a turn on for you. It isn't like one kink that isn't mutual will ruin sex between you forever. On a side note, that's friggin hilarious.
JocelynKaulitz 28
I can't even tell if you're with this post or against it…
homesuckfucker 28
Let me rephrase. Hey, don't worry about it. Tell him you don't want to call him Jesus. Communication is important in a relationship. The image in my mind of a man screaming, "Call me Jesus!" mid-thrust is hilarious, though.