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It wasn't a science degree... Just called a Bachelors of Science. I have food cooking experience as well as customer service experience but thanks for your input. Bye.

By mudafkrmas - 18/09/2009 04:14 - Canada

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 621

You deserved it 33 393

Dingdong

By SF49 - 16/01/2013 18:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 919

You deserved it 3 767

By Fridaythe12th - 15/03/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked, and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed, but out of business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 940

You deserved it 4 873

By Crossy - 23/08/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 569

You deserved it 36 624

By Anonymous - 24/01/2012 00:10 - United States

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 540

You deserved it 2 929

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 768

You deserved it 5 960

The naughty step

By firefromherlips - 28/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Gallatin

Today, I found out the position I thought I had earned by working hard was only to separate me from my coworkers because I "talked too much". Instead of addressing the issue like adults, I've essentially been put in time-out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 8 086

By Midnightpearls - 02/11/2012 15:39 - United States

Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 766

You deserved it 38 295

Midnightpearls tells us more.

Midnightpearls 13

Friday 23 November 2012 4:53

TO ALL YOU PEOPLE ASKING WHY I WAITED: I'm at college and I still depend on my parents' income. I basically get one eye doctor visit a year because it's what we can afford. Alright, people?

By MystoganFT - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Emmaus

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 251

You deserved it 1 840

By dicksonthebrain - 26/09/2014 13:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 295

You deserved it 6 658

Time for a change

By whattalife - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 711

You deserved it 5 185

By anonymous - 05/09/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 022

You deserved it 3 899

Soaking

By Anonymous - 04/06/2013 16:05 - United States

Today, I had to walk home in the rain because my mom didn't want to get her new car wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 204

You deserved it 4 050

Transit

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, I sat right next to the door on the bus. When I went to get up, a man tripped and pushed me down the exit door stairs. I fell down and broke my ankle. While tending to my ankle, the bus doors closed and my backpack with my laptop, notes and calculator drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 905

You deserved it 2 383

By gunman - 20/10/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 939

You deserved it 45 296

By bevo - 26/08/2010 02:09 - Australia

Today, my date and I went to the movies. After the date, we were both on an instant chat room at our homes. Her personal message displayed "I think I love my ex again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 646

You deserved it 3 048

By GidleyWife - 30/07/2015 17:22 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 396

You deserved it 2 415

By gamerlaura - 21/07/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog

Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 732

You deserved it 1 490

By lct722 - 16/03/2012 05:54 - Canada

Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 815

You deserved it 23 255

By JillianJuneBug - 16/05/2015 16:16 - United States - Standish

Today, I got my driver's license. My dad made multiple copies of his insurance cards for me to give to people when I inevitably hit them. Because "Let's face it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 972

You deserved it 3 588

JillianJuneBug tells us more.

JillianJuneBug 39

Sunday 17 May 2015 16:05

Lol, my dad always had this type of sense of humor. He was mostly serious about this though, so we keep the 10+ cards in the glove box.

By Pouponette - 16/06/2016 11:07 - France

Today, the pizza delivery guy saw me in my underwear. My boyfriend is so ashamed of me that he pointed out to the guy twice that we were just roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 146

You deserved it 1 723

Cool your jets

By tiredoffamilydinners - 12/01/2012 05:00 - United States

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 669

You deserved it 2 557

By greatly disturbed - 07/03/2015 19:09 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 826

You deserved it 4 400

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 789

You deserved it 4 579

Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 232

You deserved it 2 853

Today, I received a call from my future sister in-law, telling me that she and her future husband had decided to hold their wedding ceremony on my birthday. I was told not to celebrate my birthday, as it would "take away the attention to the true meaning of the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 203

You deserved it 2 106

Today, my sons are such idiots that they had a blazing punch-up that put both of them in hospital, all because one of them stole the last cigarette from a packet. Never mind they both have their own cigarettes, but for some reason the theft of this one cigarette was the last straw that lead to a punch up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 323

Today, my boyfriend once again asked me if I could “not get so wet down there” when we have sex, because it “feels funny”. Ummm, even if I could control it, I never knew it was a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 179

Today, my wife and I have been fighting, and she's threatening divorce. Why? Because I don't want to have a second kid. We cannot afford another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 74