Today, my wife straight up knocked my mother out cold with a straight jab to the face, turned to walk away, cracked her neck and announced to the world, “I’ve been waiting 4 years to do that.” What the hell has been going on around here? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
Today, and since we've had our baby, my mother-in-law started coming round more often, then bringing her stuff to stay overnight, then started claiming she lived here, and got hysterical when we told her she doesn’t. I had to pick her up and place her outside while she punched me in the head repeatedly. FML
Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML
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Top comments
FluffythePink 23
When your wife ko's her mother in law and you don't know why, then you've been living with your head up your arse. Also, you gotta update us when you find out what kind of monster your mother actually is. Seriously dude, don't leave us hanging here.
Linda Graber 12
Dude. You have to follow this up.
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Comments (6)
Linda Graber 12
Dude. You have to follow this up.
FluffythePink 23
When your wife ko's her mother in law and you don't know why, then you've been living with your head up your arse. Also, you gotta update us when you find out what kind of monster your mother actually is. Seriously dude, don't leave us hanging here.
D J's MOM 17
sounds like ur mom has been being a total bitch to your wife behind your back and acting all innocent to you. you need to get to the bottom of this one. and yes, totally update us!
L0life29 6
we need an update!!!!
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a mean old bitch if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls." I'm guessing something like this.
ic2drops 10
well did she deserved it?