Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML
Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for months. Not knowing where the date would take us, I shaved my pubic hair. Later, in the middle of making out with the guy, my dad storms into the room to tell me, "I had to get some Draino, your pubes clogged the shower." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
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Top comments
FrancesShiver 20
Well at least he wants to protect you...?
iLike2Teabag 27
To be fair, if I were the dad, I wood want to make sure the guy isn't a prick.
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Comments (62)
FrancesShiver 20
Well at least he wants to protect you...?
iLike2Teabag 27
To be fair, if I were the dad, I wood want to make sure the guy isn't a prick.
hey_its_me_ 20
At least she was trying be a lady.
reneetlovesyou 30
He doesn't mean to be a thorn in your side, OP, he just cares.
yupyupyuppity 5
Sometimes I dress myself as a rabbit and eat Trix in public, while screaming out "**** the police"
JullaBean 10
As if the splinters weren't enough. Now their dad is freaked out. That would be hard to explain.
domolovesyoshi 33
how the heck do you get splinters in you knees if you're kneeling down
Metagame 12
I have NO idea! I mean, it's not like anything on the park's ground is naturally made of wood and sharp (ahem, wood chips, ahem)!
mylyfesuksDB 9
Response "what do you think I was doing, don't you trust me?"
ninjuh_wingman 29
Cause that response won't make the dad more suspicious. Besides, as much as the dad probably trusts her, he's still gonna worry cause that's what a parent does.
yupyupyuppity 5
Sometimes, I glue fur to my body and climb on trees. When I see an unsuspecting passerby, I throw nuts at him and say "EAT MY SQUIRRELLY NUTS"
The_4th_Doctor 13
Was that necessary..?
MissAbiRose 5
Just tell him the truth. If he doesn't believe you then either call the date and have him explain or just leave it.
feelingold 18
Truth doesn't cure a father's fear that his daughter is getting banged. Sorry.
salvorican 24
Honestly, it's going to sound like a lie to the father no matter what the truth is. Especially getting splinters from crossing your legs. It sounds like a really crappy lie.
KitchKraft 21
And then the date would describe the wild sex that they had had in amazing detail to him.
BossMindedFemale 20
I'm not sure why #4 is getting thumbed down so bad. That's what I would do. If that doesn't work , what else is there? If she tells the truth and he doesn't believe her or the date, then there is nothing else you can do to convice OP's father.
Karmo 6
excuse me but i think i am a koala
warsun 27
What
gracehi 33
How fortunate. I've always wanted to converse with a koala. Tell me, what does eucalyptus taste like?
kingdomgirl94 29
Viks Vapor rub.
football98_fml 20
God damn parents are so quick to assume things
mnwlf13 3
maybe kids aid in their assumptions.
VanOBrien 14
@8, That would be because we've already been your age before. So you're not really trying to pull a new trick on us. You're just putting a new name on an old dog. My oldest son did it; and now so are my nephews and nieces I'm helping to raise. Kids lie and parents are overprotective. One day if you have your own, especially a daughter, and one who's popular, you'll soon understand why. But if your parents truly ARE overdoing it: might I recommend sitting down calmly to express yourself.
fivetimeslonger 24
Eh, I'd assume too, given how this new generation has been generally acting.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
To be fair, the "getting a splinter from crossing your legs" thing sounds a lot less plausible than anything else. I'd just tell your dad the truth, OP. He doesn't have to believe it, but it's the truth. Parents are always going to worry and immediately assume worst-case scenario.
sdroze1389 31
praying that I stay a virgin forever
Enslaved 38
What if the dad then thinks she's only preforming oral just to remain that said "virgin"? I knew some girls that uses to do everything butt intercourse just to claim they still have their virginities.
kingdomgirl94 29
Hehehe butt intercourse. Sorry. My inner 13 year old doesn't slip out very often, I'll make sure to ground her.
killeensp 3
yeah, cuz God is going to help you with that.
A07 48
Is'nt this where you show him your purity ring?
NatsuD_fml 13
What if he watched south park though? O.o
sabine123_fml 5
Dad probably had mom or her knees when he was your age Parents tend to prefer do as I say not as I did My friends who are most protective of their little gird ****** everyone who said yes
salvorican 24
Ops father should be proud. You sure were keeping your legs closed.
marcelmg 10
Are you a woman or a man? That could add some extra spice to the whole situation!