The Top

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Reflex

By OuchImAMoron - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 476

You deserved it 46 784

Run, run away

By but i make different stiffies - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 995

You deserved it 2 796

Smell test

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, during my meeting with manager, I found out that my coworkers think that I stink. I literally shower every day and use deodorant and perfume. Am I doing something wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 39

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my son's blood type was tested for college requirements. He's AB-; I'm B+; His mom/my ex is B+, a genetically impossible combo. He wasn't blood-typed at birth. This explains A LOT of my ex's behavior during our marriage/custody issues since then. There's a secret she wanted hidden. No one knows that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 15

What more do you want?

By ForeverUnemployed - 12/09/2026 09:00 - Japan

Today, I was informed that although I'm eligible for a position at a school in my new city, my information was not passed onto the school, as I'm not one of the top candidates. The position? Substitute teaching. My credentials? A teaching license in 3 core subjects and a master's degree in education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 55

Overdrawn burrito

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I ordered my lunch from Chipotle. From the wrong location. With my last $16. They told me to order again and then they would be able to issue a refund. I can't afford to. Now I'm out $16 and I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 189

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son gave a beautiful eulogy at his uncle's funeral. At the pub afterwards, a bunch of family and friends told me what he did was pathetic, shameful, and an absolute disgrace. Turns out he plagiarised the entire eulogy, word for word, from a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 36

Friends in need

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was on good terms with my ex, and I thought we were going to get back together. I let him use my car to go back to his place after being at mine. I checked the GPS log and saw a familiar address. I then found out he was using my car for booty calls with someone I considered a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 116

Stranded

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Bergenfield

Today, I went to go visit my friends in my hometown. It was really nice seeing everyone. We had dinner at one of my favorite places, plus all 3 of my kids behaved! We all said goodbye and I drove home… leaving my kid's stroller in the parking lot. In MA. I live in NJ. I didn't realize till this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 53

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 561

You deserved it 226 264

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said, "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 023

You deserved it 4 915

Random

Today, I told my boyfriend the exact moment I fell in love with him: when we made eye contact in a crowd on our fifth date. He asked if I wanted to know what he was thinking at that moment. I then found out it was, "I really hope she can't smell that fart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 003

You deserved it 1 472

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 933

You deserved it 2 661

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 464

You deserved it 7 324

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 459

You deserved it 6 410

Today, I, a woman, realized that only women find me attractive, which is fine, except that I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 104

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 128