Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, it’s my birthday. My boss treated me to a day off work, except my mother called at 12:01am drunk as hell screaming, “Happy birthday” down the phone. When I finally fell back asleep, I awoke to my boss asking me to come in after all. FML
Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I spent the day doing nothing but chores, amongst which baking my own birthday cake. I was then so exhausted that I couldn't even stand my own company, so I ate the cake alone on the couch, watching TV. It didn’t taste great. FML
Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, it was my birthday. I spent a pleasant day with one of my best friends, then I spent four hours in the emergency room because my husband broke his foot while working. We're both self-employed, so production is going to fall 6 weeks behind. FML
Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML
Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML
Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ChopSuey444 20
Happy birthday, anyway, OP!
MrConcise 34
Can I just spill your glass of water so it's empty instead of half full?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (61)
ChopSuey444 20
Happy birthday, anyway, OP!
psychopolarbear 28
He did get one other present…an FML posted on the site! In reality, man, bed bugs suck. I've heard the stories. Wishing luck to ya.
Xion0014 20
That bites.
Nilorak 24
No.
91hayek 31
Nein.
ThirteenThirteen 27
Ten?
Cads1 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Be thankful you are employed. Many are not as lucky as you.
MrConcise 34
Can I just spill your glass of water so it's empty instead of half full?
gradius1002 13
It's his birthday, not Thanksgiving.
shmabe 13
Tell 'em it's your birthday, that always makes the bugs go away, as well as your boss.
DocBastard 38
Cake is the only good thing about birthdays.
SubparAtBest 23
I'm gonna have to say i'd much rather have a birthday pie. becuase pie in my opinion is way better. unless its ice cream cake... I love da ice cream cake.
xivoricbutterfly 25
At least you will have more money to get yourself a new bed.
daisylokes 16
Wrap your mattress in plastic, trust me it works... home depot sells the plastic I'm talking about. Its white and its large enough to fully cover a king size. The bugs will die of hunger inside the plastic. Dont sleep with any bed sheets, unless your able to keep it from touching the floor. They are able to climb on wood surfaces, even ceilings! So if your bed frame is made out of wood... i would take it outside... oh and they cant walk on plastic btw its very difficult for them, it will take awhile to get rid of them, so hang in there. If you have any questions, msg me :) goodluck !
gloriousjohnson 3
i can attest that this does work but unless you kill them in the rest of your house/apartment they will just get back into your bed once you take the plastic off. i had a roommate that let its dog get a nasty flea infestation that eventually got into my bed. I honestly wasn't able to kill them in my mattress until I moved out
SolarLunix 21
Well, happy birthday anyway. Next time try sleeping on the couch or the floor. Even the bathtub probably would've been more comfortable. Time to call the exterminator too!!
ArturoJames 13
Yeah, I heard Vamanos Pest is a great one to call.
arabian22 29
Happy birthday OP! Bed bugs are the worst, but for a temporary solution (so you can sleep), you should buy bed bug mattress covers and sleep on those without sheets until you can permanently get rid of the bugs. And I hope your birthday ended on a better note :)
worldclassrager 39
It could be worse right? Imagine having a birthday on Black Friday...now that sucks..maybe a new mattress will be a new mattress a will be a gift...
SubparAtBest 23
Having birthdays on holidays is pretty shity too. sure there's a big celebration but only part is for you :/
Angelrose2004 17
Bed bugs don't bite through clothing. Make your place cold and sleep in a long-sleeved shirt, pants, and socks. It works... I promise. Happy birthday!
arabian22 29
They can still bite your hands and face and trust me, bed bug bites on the face are not exactly the most appealing look :|
Angelrose2004 17
Ok, wear a ski mask and gloves then. I'm obviously too ugly to be bitten on the face. And although the bed bug covers don't take care of the full problem, they do help tremendously!