Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions." Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving Roast Duck I would be serving Roast Fuck. FML
Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML
Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, visiting my partner’s family for the first time, I offered to help cook, saying I could chop the vegetables. Five minutes later, I nicked my finger, dropped the knife, and instinctively said a very loud curse word in front of their very traditional grandparents. Everyone froze while someone went to get me a bandage. FML
Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
MsConfusedd 27
It must be awkward cooking with family at holiday time.
yetanotherginger 19
As long as it isn't typical that you are aroused by people tearing up, I think you'll live
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
MsConfusedd 27
It must be awkward cooking with family at holiday time.
soccerstar1996 18
Daddy! Why's there a carrot in your pants?!
Allennis44 16
Clever
anmolm97 12
he was attending the class with his co-workers!!
jkmartinjk 16
43- Yes, however it is possible that he cooks with his family during the holidays. Comprende??
EpicSquishii 21
I'm assuming that he got a boner due to everyone's tears. Because that's funnier
yetanotherginger 19
As long as it isn't typical that you are aroused by people tearing up, I think you'll live
ElatedEarthling 15
There's nothing wrong with a little sadistic tendencies.
TheDrifter 23
I dunno about that, standing over a crying woman while sporting an erection always seems to get me in trouble.
summerguy97 16
Let the tears lubricate you!!!
AngelSpit 18
It's like my mother always said "what part of sadist didn't you understand?"
ragini95 16
a study showed that testosterone levels decrease in response to tears, so it was probably the onions!
yetanotherginger 19
My study showed that testosterone levels decreasing is the cause of tears
Zebediabolical 43
Yours will be the second kitchen that Chef Ramsey walks out of!
Grop_fml 2
Still a better love story than Twilight :)
iammeorami 25
How is it a love story? Please explain
LennyComa 39
Twilight isn't a love story, where as this is true love between a man and a root vegetable.
theknozzle 14
There's nothing purer or more beautiful than the love between a man and the produce section.
MrConcise 34
Excuse me, but the Deli section begs to differ.
s15c 9
I always thought the freezer aisle was the best... Cold and filled with food that takes almost no effort to prepare.
zandalee 19
Always gets my nipples erect...
Daevas 18
A man truly loves his meat!
ucoolgirl31 20
Onion and sausage.. Yum!
SystemofaBlink41 27
Future porno title?
xALEXx_fml 15
#48 probably already is a **** title
laurenasabutton 26
Were you turned on by the onions or the crying?
ItsKennyBaby 9
¿Por que a las dos?
lambda_fml 40
¡ We all understood that !
kelseythompson 27
#51 Why not have both? it's that stupid taco commercial.. it's an attempt at a joke..
JFloUnknown 24
#51 I believe it's '¿Por que no las dos?'.
LennyComa 39
The **** teasing Onions, Shallots are no better.
DDCA 24
Onion booty!
zombieslayer83 19
Onion ring toss!
Sinamoi 18
Rachael Ray would like a word with you.