Today, I learned how hard it is to remove peanut butter from your own eye. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth in a rush before work. I squeezed the toothpaste tube too hard, and some of it it shot directly into my eye. I spent the next ten minutes half-blind, crying peppermint tears, and still somehow managed to be late. FML
Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML
Today, I was eating a donut and watching TV with my cat. I saw a dark glob on my shirt and ate it, thinking it was dropped icing. It was my cat's earwax. Disgusted, I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse with hydrogen peroxide. I sprayed it in my eye. FML
Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML
Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML
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Top comments
duckie227 22
That's not where that goes, hate to break it to you
Jdeluxh 12
You must really suck at making pb&j sandwiches.
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Comments (67)
duckie227 22
That's not where that goes, hate to break it to you
iam_yummylicious 12
Its not? *puts down knife lathered in peanut butter* Now where do I put it?
melchibr_fml 0
In soviet Russia, your eye gets stuck in the peanut butter!
Fruit_Dealer 9
It's as hard as.. Ok I won't say it.
drawmesunshine 17
1, I feel your picture matches your comment perfectly.
Keyman1212 14
You're supposed to use the chunky peanut butter as lube for anal intercourse. (;
iam_yummylicious 12
37- I prefer smooth :/
SCREAM4meeee 0
37- yeah I hate when anal intercourse is chunky :S
SuperKnuckels 6
sry 18 but, gtfo.
Jovecove 13
Anal with peanut butter? I'll go with nutella instead...
angrymexican 8
I see you like it chocolate
slashcammas 3
Mmmmm tasty...
kriegs444 5
So how hard is it?
boofgall 16
Probably would've hurt a lot more with crunchy peanut butter P:
prabhlem 0
Have someone lick it...
hairguitarhero 5
That's what she said
youngbuck10 9
Hmmm, I wonder how you managed to do that? Some strange fetish, Mmmm?
zoPwNAgEzo 21
Very carefully..
Jdeluxh 12
You must really suck at making pb&j sandwiches.
KittyCatsDance 3
So if the peanut butters in his eye then where is the jelly...oh my
lionheart822 13
I hope he didn't mistake jam for KY jelly... =0
foxtail8 0
should've seen that one coming.
Badab1ng 5
I just get my dog to lick it off when it's on my penis. I assume the same principle would apply.
perdix 31
They do great work on eye balls, too;)
Badab1ng 5
Wow perdix commented on my comment. I feel... Invulnerable! Someone shoot me to test.
leadman1989 16
Don't know why, but this reminds me of a Southpark episode. "Eric are you teaching this horse how to please you?" Southpark is awesome.
MLK12345 4
9- I don't know why but I always read your comments in Ralph's voice, and it makes them even funnier:)
rexgar2000 10
well holy shit guy, I know you like pb&j but c'mon!
quinkadink 0
ugh its annoying when ppl say guy u gotta be a newbie
ipodlover1995 0
I hate when people type like that, they must be stupid.^^
shutterbug1190 14
First of all how did that happen? So curious... Second I hope it wasn't chunky.
Enslaved 38
It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time Where he at....
ikickgingers 15
There he go...
duckie227 22
Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat!