Miscellaneous: Welcome!

Welcome!

By Anonymous - 24/04/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 387

You deserved it 10 481

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Same thing different taste

Parking lot chaos

By Clumsy - 03/10/2025 03:00

Today, a bag of grapes fell out of my shopping cart in the parking lot. I bent down to grab them, only for the bag to burst open. I ended up chasing runaway grapes across the tarmac, but it's only when a car of strangers started cheering me on that I took the L, gave up the fight, and went back to buy more, but the remaining stock was moldy and shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 89

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 791

You deserved it 3 485

By workworkwork - 03/11/2017 05:00

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered three before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 533

You deserved it 452

Wine buffs

By ThatWineGuy - 23/12/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, some friends and I had a wine tasting evening, and I tried to impress my friends by showing off my extensive knowledge of different wines. I confidently described the subtle "notes of vanilla and oak" in a bottle of wine… only to find out that my "friends" had pranked me, and it was actually grape juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 953

In vino veritas

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, saying somewhat annoyed, "Don't drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 123

You deserved it 11 061

They're all yours

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and me when we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 133

You deserved it 43 818

Alcohol isn't a drug, it's a drink

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 10:00

Today, I was carded for trying to buy wine and was told the dates were faded, so they wouldn’t be selling it to me, since they suspected I was underage. I work at the vineyard that produces the wine, I’m the head vintner, and I made the wine in the bottle I wasn’t allowed to buy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 164

By Face fucking palm - 23/07/2014 03:36 - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 287

You deserved it 13 440

Are you winning?

By Anonymous - 07/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I bought grapes. Just grapes. At the checkout, the total was $14. I laughed. The cashier didn’t. Now I'll be eating one grape a day like it's caviar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 119

First impressions

By medik - 23/02/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 994

You deserved it 8 230

Crusader0102 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 12:07

Who wouldn't want free rapes?

sniperkit 10

Sunday 24 April 2011 12:09

rape is not funny. this story is, however.

Comments

_EnterNameHere_ 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 13:45

hahaha free rapes. love it.

kordurac 2

Sunday 24 April 2011 13:51

thats a new one

The_Voytek_Bear 14

Sunday 24 April 2011 14:03

well... rape is free by definition ]:->

Flounder 2

Sunday 24 April 2011 14:49

I'm thinking you might not know what "by definition" means.

rezakez 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 15:26

good point^^

The_Voytek_Bear 14

Sunday 24 April 2011 17:46

#49 I can assure you I know. Read my sarcasm next time :]

dudeitsdanny 9

Sunday 24 April 2011 18:38

Can you point out the sarcasm to me, please? I don't see a hint of irony.

The_Voytek_Bear 14

Sunday 24 April 2011 18:44

Quoting one of polish fantasy writers... "You wouldn't spot an irony even if it jumped from behind a bush and kicked you in the arse." ]:->

dudeitsdanny 9

Sunday 24 April 2011 20:19

I can't even spot an elephant, if it's not there.

killface93 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 14:04

wait.. if someone volunteers.. then it ain't rape... and the people are stupid to take that seriously

TheKidFromBK 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 14:33

lmaooooooo

Livinia 11

Sunday 24 April 2011 14:46

Haha. That's terrible but hilarious at the same time.

Dontstealmyname 11

Sunday 24 April 2011 14:51

HAHAHAH! Now that's just classic!

kcluna 6

Sunday 24 April 2011 15:13

Best one so far LMAO!!

baby610 4

Sunday 24 April 2011 15:39

citrus girl is retarded

lyndifluff 6

Sunday 24 April 2011 17:12

someone has it in for citrusgirl badly. this is like the 2nd time you have said this on this one fml. lol crush much :p.

lmaoatall 6

Sunday 24 April 2011 15:41

your sign should say get your merlots and pervos here.

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The Top

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend about where we want to live when I graduate. He says he doesn't know what he wants and his mother wouldn't approve of us living together. We've been together 3 years with the understanding we would live together once I graduated my Master's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 840

You deserved it 930

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 598

You deserved it 12 454

Today, I am a silly man who thought I could still get in and out of the bath at 76 years-old, even though I have only had showers for the past 15 years. So, when I got stuck in the bath, I had to call my poor wife to come and help my naked ass stand up, and yes, she asked me to write this for laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 138

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 556

You deserved it 5 756

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 888

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because I added an old high school friend on Facebook. She claims this person is getting in the middle of our relationship. I haven't talked to him in years, and he lives across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 931

You deserved it 175

Same thing different taste

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