Miscellaneous: Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I...

By Boarder - 01/06/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 222

You deserved it 5 436

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Walk the line

Unreasonable

By Really - 15/01/2016 16:25 - United States - Butte

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 285

You deserved it 1 544

By jogginglikeitsmyjob - 31/07/2014 11:51 - United States - Boston

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 016

You deserved it 7 011

By xXPikachuXx - 22/07/2019 02:01

Today, after 3 months of job hunting, I finally got a job. But now my birth certificate and social security card are somehow lost, and I can't start until I let them see a copy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 372

Polygraphs are BS

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I took a polygraph. The interviewer was mad at the way I was breathing and looking down once instead of straight ahead. The third test I started crying because he raised his voice, saying I was disrespecting his time. I was trying so hard but couldn't breathe with the equipment on, leaving my mind blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 99

By DrtySnchez - 18/08/2013 09:37 - United States - Statham

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 885

You deserved it 3 634

Liar, liar

By skanula414 - 31/12/2014 19:00 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 360

You deserved it 49 458

By Anonymous - 01/06/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 097

You deserved it 530

By Anonymous - 19/01/2017 08:22

Today, the last parking space outside my work was tiny but I tried to parallel park there in desperation. A school kid saw the whole attempt and sarcastically clapped me as I gave up and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 838

You deserved it 1 196

By Sara - 25/02/2016 07:39 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I paid $50 to go to a war museum. It was so boring that I fell asleep standing up, lost my balance and faceplanted the floor right in front of our tour guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 177

You deserved it 5 734

By Anonymous - 17/04/2012 04:26 - United States

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 628

You deserved it 2 213

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 444

You deserved it 3 339

By theamericandream - 25/01/2009 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 308

You deserved it 2 870

Get tested, people

By Bhrugu - 30/04/2021 04:00 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I found out that people in the apartment to the left, in the one to the right and in the one above mine all tested positive for Covid, a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 100

So cute

By Randomm - 12/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking into my school and I saw two girls kissing. Being a lesbian myself, and thinking it would be cute, I winked at them. I guess one of them had a history of cheating with a girl who looked just like me, because her girlfriend came up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 1 131

By llord - 24/08/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my engagement ring was actually my husband's ex-fiancée's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 573

You deserved it 3 926

Apparently not.

By Dez - 26/11/2017 19:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 034

You deserved it 399

Splashed out

By El Boz - 22/02/2009 14:52 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 106

You deserved it 61 777

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 22:25 - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 481

You deserved it 3 359

Das wat u get hoomin

By Ray - 13/08/2017 17:15 - United States

Today, we took my cat to get her shots. She screeched and clamored in the car until I took her out of the carrier and held her in my lap...where she immediately pooped on my new white pants and then hid under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 058

You deserved it 2 374

By Oihana - 01/08/2015 03:30 - United States - Greensboro

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 347

You deserved it 1 995

By CaBur - 19/02/2013 22:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 317

You deserved it 27 038

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 089

You deserved it 6 455

By assassinmaster - 04/05/2017 04:00

Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 828

You deserved it 420

King Dick

By wtf bro - 20/03/2020 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after returning from some caveman type "men’s retreat" with his buddies, my husband is now refusing to cook or help out with the house and kids as it’s "women’s work." He also expects to be fetched beer on demand and referred to as "King" from now on. I don’t know rather to laugh or cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 369

You deserved it 265

By sad - 30/03/2012 22:21 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 559

You deserved it 3 004

By rockefoe - 30/06/2010 08:04 - United States

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 792

You deserved it 33 394

MMA FML

By ThatEndedWell - 07/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 4 484

By iliketurtles - 24/02/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 208

You deserved it 7 726

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 03:52 - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 873

You deserved it 2 896

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 3 958

By Anonymous - 02/02/2015 17:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 846

You deserved it 3 238

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 898

You deserved it 4 827

By poorman - 18/11/2013 22:14 - United States - Derwood

Today, I realized that my 5 year old son has more money saved up in his piggy bank than I have in my actual bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 899

You deserved it 10 302

By NoseInPain - 20/08/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 397

You deserved it 3 968

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 14:11

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 175

By MarsMayFall - 12/09/2016 09:56 - United States

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 781

You deserved it 6 624

By AnHoneyMouse - 12/05/2017 02:00

Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 035

You deserved it 1 355

By Anonymous - 21/11/2014 00:43 - United States

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 870

You deserved it 10 840

#blessed

By Loney - 22/04/2018 19:00

Today, I had to let my nosy landlord into my apartment to ensure I didn't have an unapproved guest over. Why? Because she overheard me sneeze, and then bless myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 474

You deserved it 576

Keeping up appearances

By Carebeareatu - 13/03/2020 15:00

Today, my friends gave me a complete makeover, which included clothes from their wardrobe, to prepare me for an upcoming job interview. I was then declined the position, because apparently, I "looked too wealthy" to need the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 117

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Linesksc 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:06

ouch... It enought that they get itchy when they start to heal, i can't imagine having hives while they are still raw...

drebunny 0

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Saturday 2 April 2011 10:41

or it's a recently developed allergy. allergies can do that. A few years ago I developed an allergy to Neosporin that id never had before

Fireball01 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:02

first! and wow dude that really sucks hope u get better

Linesksc 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:06

ouch... It enought that they get itchy when they start to heal, i can't imagine having hives while they are still raw...

OmgItsAnaBeatriz 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:06

Ooo....Well I Hope You Feel Better >.< At Least You Didn't Die..........

ohhhhshizzz 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:10

aww, that sucks. inb4"Well why didn't you know that. YDI n00b" I don't think everyone goes around checking the glue on bandaids. Also who knows, this could be a new allergy. Not everyone knows the allergy. YLIF, glad I'm only allergic to penicillin.

redbluegreen 40

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:10

I always find it strange when people find themselves allergic to something. Like, someone being allergic to latex condoms, or the glue in band aids. It's just so unexpected, yet it happens. I feel bad for laughing at the word 'wounds'. Just saying it sounds funny though. I'm sorry OP. I hope you get better soon.

dreamsmean 3

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:14

yea this sucks

kitsuneluvuh 12

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:16

That's happened to me before. Only I fell down some concrete steps on my face. And that's where the hives came up. And after the hives, my skin started flaking off...

cdc8705 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:23

Ha you said longboard.

genius_man16 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:24

How old are you like 2? How have you not come across this before? Unless you're telling me you've gone 10+ years without ever using a band-aid. This seems fishy to me.

Dylan94_fml 8

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Wednesday 14 April 2010 20:49

he might be using different types of band aids than he used to

drebunny 0

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Saturday 2 April 2011 10:41

or it's a recently developed allergy. allergies can do that. A few years ago I developed an allergy to Neosporin that id never had before

robodoll 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 20:33

I have the exact same problem. I usually have worse marks from my bandages than I do from the actual wound. Plus, if I scratch the area where the bandage adhesive bothers me, I get left with dark brown marks! I guess if it's not too serious, you could always try liquid bandages in the future or gauze and medical tape (gotta find the right one you're not allergic to of course)