Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny... - FML

By cakekiller - 29/9/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML

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Understandable

The Summoner

Basic Instinct

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 22:16 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

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By blackedout - 6/10/2009 05:25 - Singapore

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

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By Bbrooks88 - 19/1/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I finalized my new car purchase after three months on the job at a new company. Two hours later, I was informed that my position has been eliminated. I have two weeks to find a new job or I'm completely screwed. FML

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By BloodyNoseMcgee - 11/10/2018 15:30

Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML

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By Anon - 30/3/2012 05:10 - New Zealand

Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML

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By Anon - 6/9/2015 12:50 - United Kingdom - Stafford

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

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By Mary - 4/12/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML

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By thats_not_good - 28/5/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

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By Fangirl#1 - 29/10/2018 22:10

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

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By uppiskalle - 12/9/2014 14:32 - United States - Riverside

Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML

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By Jenn - 16/8/2014 12:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

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By LuxTheSarcastic - 6/11/2015 23:05 - United States - Apex

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

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By Megan - 23/2/2009 16:47 - Canada

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

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By "Tick" - 12/4/2019 16:00

Today, after not dating for 2 years, I went out on 2 dates. I got stood up both times. FML

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By picklebug - 26/7/2013 16:25 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

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By Lisa - 23/8/2019 22:00 - United States - Tupelo

Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML

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By - 15/1/2017 08:00

Today, after getting home from shopping, I noticed a security tag was still on one of the shirts I bought. I decided to take it back and ask them to remove the tag. They then accused me of trying to steal (even after I showed them the receipt) and kicked me out of the store. FML

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By minette08 - 29/1/2010 21:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective. I made this discovery when I got rained on while I was getting my car washed. FML

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By Zanna - 23/3/2017 12:00

Today, a job candidate I was interviewing took a drink of water, and let it dribble down her chin and shirt while making fixed eye contact with me. FML

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By kareed3 - 19/7/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

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By loveyadad - 16/6/2013 15:46 - United States - Watertown

Today, my dad came home from a trip to Arizona and brought back special hand-picked gifts for the whole family. When he got to me, he smiled, and pulled out a free lotion from the hotel at which he was staying. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2013 19:45 - United States - Piscataway

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

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By Loola - 21/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

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By Ohfman117 - 11/8/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

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By Ballhugger - 6/12/2009 20:42 - Canada

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2012 19:17 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

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By Xerfox - 20/6/2016 20:34 - Germany - Neckarsulm

Today, I flew to Germany to meet up with a girl that I met in America 5 months ago and fell in love with. We've been talking every day for 5 months straight. I get here just for her to tell me that she likes me "like a brother". FML

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By tbree - 19/9/2014 22:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

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By peteto818 - 18/12/2014 17:59 - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

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By Noname - 21/2/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

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By BlueMacaw - 25/7/2016 14:38 - United States - Edmond

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2019 06:13 - Canada - Vaudreuil

Be careful what you post on the Internet…

Today, my 10-year-old son's friend googled his name and found breastfeeding pictures that I had put on a personal website when he was 2 days-old. Now he gets laughed at, and his friends all saw pictures of my breasts. FML

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By Jane - 24/11/2011 13:57 - Australia

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

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By asadwa - 5/5/2011 05:38

Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2012 23:19 - United States - Topeka

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

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By mannydanny - 1/9/2011 23:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

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By please don't get the succ - 29/6/2016 18:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2015 18:59 - United States

Today, I was just a few days away from starting the training for my promotion to management, which involved a healthy pay raise and full time benefits. Today, news came down that the company is filing for bankruptcy. FML

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By fffemaleee - 31/5/2015 18:21 - United States - Waterford

Today, my phone got stolen at church. FML

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Top comments

By Arcterion | 0

#594885 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:35

Just admit you tried to kill her.

By Joe2794 | 0

#594873 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:32

YDI for pushing people into cakes.

COMMENTS

By Joe2794 | 0

#594873 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:32

YDI for pushing people into cakes.

Reply

Trollinggx3 | 0

#595024 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 2:41

I agree, number 1. OP, you shouldn't have done that you asshole.

Reply

anniemeece | 23

#595039 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 2:52

Yeah. I never get why people think that that "would be funny."

Reply

ilovelucy92 | 0

#595088 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 3:16

hehe: you funny as hell.

Reply

Rakayum | 0

#595117 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 3:37

win

Reply

RandomAttack | 0

#595125 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 3:44

Because supposedly pushing cute girls into cakes gets you laid -_-

Reply

dcbog123 | 0

#595149 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 4:02

Dude, who the fuck is allergic to coconuts?

Reply

fosizzlemynizzlE | 0

#595280 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 5:39

LOL good job asshole, that was a great idea from the start

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#595329 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 6:29

SHE thought it was funny, so you're good. It'll be a fun story to tell your kids later!

Reply

gummibehrs | 4

#595437 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 8:49

#41, both me and my mother are allergic to coconuts. It's not uncommon. I can't even have coconut-flavored foods or drinks.
My skin turned red, itchy, and blotchy just from drinking Malibu rum.

Reply

BreeKnox | 0

#595978 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 19:00

yeah...bastard. don't tell me...you got her a "get well" cake didn't you?

Reply

Att4k | 0

#596266 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 21:20

holy fuck! cant any of you read is says "pretend to push her" then she lost her balance on her own

Reply

SailorSolaris | 43

#6046102 - Saturday 23 August 2014 21:15

#27, Yeah, when I read that, I usually end up hitting YDI.

By shuttuplily | 0

#594884 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:35

how can you PRETEND to push someone?? ha and wow. PS. Lol at cakekiller!

By Arcterion | 0

#594885 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:35

Just admit you tried to kill her.

By dol567 | 0

#594889 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:37

Nice. And how is that funny?

By KatieGoesRawrr | 0

#594893 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:37

the same kinda thing happened with me and my sister, except she was trying to play 'saved your life' on me while we were on the top of a mountain. FML.. and OP, FYL.

By basketballbrian | 0

#594895 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:37

i bet she really wants to date you now...

By TheTragicReturn | 0

#594896 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:38

I still remember a time in elementary school when I jokingly gave a guy a nudge, and he clumsily fell over. FYL.

Reply

goin4Ayog | 0

#3773482 - Friday 23 December 2011 0:35

I remember that time on elementary school where that dick pushed me and....HEY!

By originalusername_fml | 0

#594898 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:38

why would you push someone into a cake in the first place :l

By elmyra_duff | 0

#594917 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:47

are you in elementary school or something? i mean, who pushes a girl he finds cute?

you better also pull her hair and pull down her skirt or whatever.

By RyeBreadBoy | 0

#594920 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 1:49

technically, if you pushed her, and then she lost her balance and fell, you didn't just "pretend" to push her into the cake. you actually pushed her into the cake, whether you meant to or not.

Reply

rachelbrianna25 | 0

#595465 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 9:19

lmao!! I was thinking the same thing about the elementary thing! Like wow, someone never got advice on how to flirt. lol. wooooooww!!