Money: Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in... - FML

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 04:02 - United States - Portland

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 023

You deserved it 3 670

Walk on the wild side

And today, on Dr Phil…

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By John W. - 12/10/2011 12:37 - United States

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 621

You deserved it 46 929

By Rotarius - 23/08/2012 18:09 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 874

You deserved it 36 826

So you had a bad day…

By That guy - 15/10/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up early for work and spent 30 minutes frantically looking for my keys. I had to take a 30-minute Uber ride to work, then drove an hour in the company truck, only to be stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 103

Cathartic

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 15:59

Today, I was bored and horny. I figured, what the hell, and downloaded an adult visual novel. Five hours later, I was heartbroken and couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 317

Rollin'

By Anonymous - 01/09/2016 03:40 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was driving home when a guy crashes into me from behind. I get out of my car and tell him that I'm going to call the cops. He then asks me if we can move to a corner because we're blocking the way, so then get back in to move. I look in the mirror to see him driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 874

You deserved it 4 669

By Pissed Off - 07/03/2009 10:13 - Australia

Today, I was walking along the street and passed a young couple. Over my shoulder I heard the girl say to her boyfriend "Would you still love me if I looked like her?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 173

You deserved it 12 015

By hearingthings - 26/06/2012 02:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 160

You deserved it 6 492

Belly Finger

By ihmmil - 18/01/2020 14:00

Today, my husband was trying to be sexy. He asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger"! Major mood kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 360

You deserved it 301

By heymacie - 19/02/2015 05:45 - United States - Lubbock

Spicy

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 936

You deserved it 38 103

By areyouserious - 17/11/2014 03:46 - United States - Fresno

Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 906

You deserved it 2 477

By GeofftyGeoff - 27/10/2018 15:30

Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 07/09/2011 23:02 - Canada

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 010

You deserved it 4 441

By Rothaar - 26/01/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I was at the gym and as I was pulling out my earphones and getting off my treadmill, I heard the girl behind me say to her friend on the treadmill next to her, "Wow, there have no cute guys today." Her friend replied, "None at all. It's like everyone suddenly got gay or ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 201

You deserved it 2 329

By Anonymous - 07/07/2014 01:27 - United States - Sandston

Today, my boyfriend said that he doesn't have to marry me because we coincidentally have the same last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 675

You deserved it 5 612

By Anonymous - 02/07/2013 23:16 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 234

You deserved it 12 819

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 316

By nk - 03/11/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 486

You deserved it 11 999

By Grossed_out - 05/03/2010 03:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 155

You deserved it 3 712

By alrightsheryl - 28/03/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, is my 18th birthday. I call my parents and they tell me they found weed in the guest house and so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 501

You deserved it 4 882

By fmcsl - 13/04/2019 20:00

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 155

By scammed - 29/08/2013 18:48 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 658

You deserved it 3 589

By Anonymous - 09/05/2013 16:30 - Saudi Arabia - Jiddah

Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 318

You deserved it 10 078

By Anonymous - 01/01/2012 20:06 - United States

Today, I received a late Christmas present from my estranged father. I was really excited, having neither seen nor heard from him in nearly two years. It was a $200 gift card for a store that only exists in Canada. I don't live in Canada. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 653

You deserved it 3 982

Ghosts!

By Binks - 26/10/2020 12:01 - United States - Charleston

Today I woke up feeling good and ready for my online business class final, only to find that it had somehow been submitted and graded with a zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 108

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 928

You deserved it 53 625

By thebrokentardis - 22/09/2014 06:45 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 586

You deserved it 5 273

By prinzess - 09/12/2010 14:20 - Germany

Spicy

Today, I said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago. Her response was, "Twenty years ago I had beautiful tits and many options, I wouldn't have even looked at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 042

You deserved it 5 873

By John - 06/06/2017 15:00 - United States - Midway City

Today, one of my interviewers got so bored, he made a paper airplane out of my résumé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 693

You deserved it 558

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 07:25 - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 390

You deserved it 26 341

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 09:07 - Australia

Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has 'politely' posted up on facebook that he secretly hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 424

You deserved it 3 442

By Bart - 03/07/2015 04:32 - France - Lille

Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 267

You deserved it 3 495

By MC Turtledick - 15/02/2012 01:28 - United States

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 690

You deserved it 2 152

By youngblood - 20/06/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason was because he's moving away for college. That won't be for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 625

You deserved it 4 791

By mastermind - 01/09/2019 02:00

Today, I can add "Ferrari" to the long list of cars I’ve almost been hit by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 205

It's a cult

By Anonymous - 25/01/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I found out via Facebook that my once-favourite aunt has fully bought into the QAnon bullshit about the "stolen" US election, bible quotes and all. We live in the UK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 154

By eatmyshipoopie - 18/12/2009 15:20 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 102

You deserved it 9 862

By Anonymous - 23/04/2014 02:46 - United States

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 117

You deserved it 5 491

By twiggygonegirl - 06/06/2017 22:00

Today, I updated my list of "quit smoking rewards" to include new clothes. New clothes to fit my new voluptuous body, because the question of how I used to stay thin has been answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 775

You deserved it 614

Sorry Nana

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 19:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I skipped out on my grandmother's 70th birthday party. I'm autistic, and I have a hearing disorder that significantly enhances my hearing to a painful extent, so I couldn't tolerate how noisy it was. Now, my grandmother thinks I hate her because I put my mental health first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 223

By martyn28 - 13/08/2013 14:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 199

You deserved it 5 393

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Top comments

HappyItalian 38

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:06

Did he say he was a prince from Nigeria too?

iPixelCheese 19

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:06

No offense, but your wife is a dumbass. And wasn't there another FML where the mom was about to send 1400 dollars to a church, and the pastor was Herp McDerpington. Unlike that story, it's too late, I am sorry OP

Comments

griffinultra 15

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:06

You're wife seems like a bit of a dumbass.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:08

no, she is a dumbass

slingerslasher 24

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:09

plot twist: herp a derpson is actually their kid' name

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:21

not to be a grammar nazi. but its your.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:52

#20 it's* not its.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 2:23

28 you totally owned 20 there

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Sunday 9 August 2015 6:08

I think OP's wife needs a college fund. Or perhaps an education in common sense.

FatherPlatypus 8

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Sunday 9 August 2015 16:44

Savage...

ihavenolifehaha 16

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:06

Why is your wife even touching your sons money?

iPixelCheese 19

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:08

College fund. They are paying his college fund.

ihavenolifehaha 16

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:12

Oh sorry I read that wrong

WarMachine68 24

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Sunday 9 August 2015 3:34

This is the first civil argument I've ever seen on this site.

iPixelCheese 19

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Sunday 9 August 2015 5:31

And probably the last. XD

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Sunday 9 August 2015 8:33

I feel like I'm the only one In the world who honestly agrees with this response.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:06

What a herp derp decision

HappyItalian 38

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:06

Did he say he was a prince from Nigeria too?

ptoka 20

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Sunday 9 August 2015 1:02

Hey now, that prince has died many times, and one of these times I will be able to come into contact with the holder of the money I'm owed.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 2:23

I don't know about you but the last time I talked to the prince of Nigeria, he promised me a plump wife and a canoe.

kmorse 14

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Monday 10 August 2015 7:44

When the Prince of Nigeria contacts you directly, you don't ask questions! You help where you can!

iPixelCheese 19

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:06

No offense, but your wife is a dumbass. And wasn't there another FML where the mom was about to send 1400 dollars to a church, and the pastor was Herp McDerpington. Unlike that story, it's too late, I am sorry OP

CommentKing207 23

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:31

Yeah there was I just saw it today, I don't understand how people buy into that BS....

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Sunday 9 August 2015 3:13

I never understood how someone can be so easily fooled. seriously check references of everyone that will be in control of your money investment companies, banks, charities, etc. make sure you know where that money is going. it's really not that hard.

domolovesyoshi 33

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Sunday 9 August 2015 6:32

Perhaps the same person maybe?

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Sunday 9 August 2015 20:38

She knew where the money was going to. Good ol Herp.

bandaidstations 28

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:07

If your son inherited your wife's intelligence, he won't need collage anyway.

rileyrae0000 23

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:15

Lemme guess, you didn't go to 'collage' either

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Sunday 9 August 2015 1:02

Maybe thats what they call Art School?

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Sunday 9 August 2015 7:04

or lack of intelligence as the case may be

bandaidstations 28

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Sunday 9 August 2015 15:21

Actually, I did go to college. I downloaded a new keyboard on this phone and it has a mind of its own sometimes. Should have proofread.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 16:35

You missed the joke by this ( ) much

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Monday 10 August 2015 5:39

ok

simply_meeeee 26

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:09

Your wife is a bit of a herp derp

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:11

I can help you make it back. There's a bridge in Brooklyn for sale..

kingkobrastrikes 13

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:12

well on the plus side... ummm... ok there is no plus side... you should probably never let your wife go near your MasterCard... or answer the door for that matter.

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Monday 10 August 2015 19:11

Awesome

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Sunday 9 August 2015 0:13

sounds like your wife needs to be educated in this department.. desperately fast

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 111

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 292