Kids: Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping... - FML

By RejectRaven - 29/12/2018 04:00

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 1 580

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Same thing different taste

How d'you think I look so good?

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 17:00

Today, I got home and my wife asked me to help yell at the kids for ruining over £1000 of her makeup supplies. I did an almost double take at the fact I had no idea she had spent over £1000 just on makeup. No wonder we’re always broke the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 217

By redisnotmycolor - 16/11/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 976

You deserved it 3 551

Stinky

By Carolina R-h - 18/06/2019 16:30

Today, my 2-year-old woke up from her nap with a full diaper, then decided to climb down from her bed and got stuck under the railing, leaving a stinky trail of poop everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 236

So sweet

By Mom of 3 - 07/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 952

You deserved it 428

By mommylife - 15/04/2015 04:17 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 784

You deserved it 3 958

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 555

You deserved it 3 440

By hair2daygone4ever - 14/01/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 602

You deserved it 4 765

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 294

By Stef - 05/12/2018 05:00

Today, as I was about to go to bed, the lid came off a brand new bottle of laundry detergent and it toppled down my carpeted basement steps. 3 hours, 2 dozen microfiber cloths, and a bucket of water later and my steps are still full of suds. I went to bed at 3 am and my 10 week old was up at 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 676

You deserved it 305

Warranties don't cover kids, do they?

By FMLMaximus - 13/09/2019 14:00

Today, my two year-old fell with a toy in her hand. The TV isn't even paid off yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 465

Next

Top comments

Alup132 22

Saturday 29 December 2018 4:06

The real question is, why are you spending $700 on makeup?

acmariner99 25

Saturday 29 December 2018 4:45

I sympathize and yet I don’t. I have a toddler so I know about this particular force of nature. I also know that when she gets into things, its usually my fault for not locking it up or laying down the law.

Comments

Malyssab 23

Monday 31 December 2018 9:14

Damn, so she only destroyed 3 things?

AmbrosiaFan 18

Monday 31 December 2018 18:51

What is so amazingly sad is you spend that much money on makeup...

fallenkitten93 3

Tuesday 1 January 2019 1:13

wow..

MamaChey 24

Tuesday 1 January 2019 2:59

I can’t ever remember ready a post with so many trolls on it. You people need to get a fukkin life. I had the same thing happen when my kids were little, except the toddler covered her sleeping infant sister (who was cradled in her Dad’s arms as he was napping with her). 2 yo are sneaky ones, for sure

Gofuckyourself 24

Tuesday 15 January 2019 6:39

Why would you leave $700 worth of makeup where a toddler could get their hands on to? I feel for you because makeup isn't cheap!!!!

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The Top

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 646

You deserved it 3 615

Today, no matter how well we tried to raise out daughter, things aren't looking too bright. I was present, I listened, and she told me her problems. My husband was always there for her too, no matter what. She works and studies but her role models consist of celebrities and girls who sell themselves on OnlyFans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 162

The Top

Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 579

You deserved it 2 716

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 636

You deserved it 3 277

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 442

You deserved it 6 756

Today, at work I put myself squarely in the lame / old people category when I foolishly asked out loud what FML meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 709

You deserved it 1 600

Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 97

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she'd been sleeping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 773

You deserved it 3 777