Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML
Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML
Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML
Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML
Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML
Today, my 5 year-old twin boys decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML
Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML
Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
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Top comments
mellyski 25
There's no future in superheroes these days, he should aim to be a web designer.
anonymuse_fml 31
I think he missed the part about it needing to be radioactive.
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Comments (89)
jettheawesome 7
Did it work?
quibz90 12
thats really sweet, he wanted to be just like spider man, luckly its just a night in the hospital. hope he gets better soon and can start climb up building soon after this recovery go junior SP!
thatsjustgreat1 16
Thank God you don't live in Australia.
sunny354wi 8
How old is he? Please tell me you neutered him!
TrixKae 12
It's good to hear that he'll be OK op. Luckily you don't live in Australia. One of the biggest spiders he could've found here is also the world's most venomous.
Soosuj 11
Whoever asked if they live in Australia, it says they live in United States.
FSGInsainity 15
That is proof of why Batman is better than Spiderman. You don't need to risk disease by being bit by a spider, you just need your parents killed in front of you at a young age and tons of $$$
vikky538 29
Thank god that you guys are not in Australia
ouijacorn 9
Maybe he won't be a superhero, but he's got the makings of a great arachnothologist.
heartofhannah 28
I really hope he's under age 5