Miscellaneous: Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

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Rock, hard place

Dodged a bullet

The Blob

By Anonymous - United States - Mansfield

Today, I fell down the stairs with a cup of coffee. It gave me burns on my arm and I sprained my wrist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rapid City

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

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By ac19k - United States - Franklin

Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

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By lxygrl - United States - Phenix City

Today, I was told I have kidney stones, kidney infections, and a bladder infection and that I have to get admitted into the hospital. I let my boss know, and she replied, "But you're still coming in for your shift tonight, right?" FML

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By Matt

Today, I got a call saying I was successful in my interview to be a pizza delivery driver. As I picked up my contract and got in my car, I reversed sideways into a pole and ripped off my front bumper. The manager came out and helped jam the bumper in so I could make it home. FML

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By thecatlady - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

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By sad - United States

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

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By lifedoessuck12 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started day dreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone went up to me and said "Try not to be so obvious". Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

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By wow - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given a DUI while in the Whataburger drive thru. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

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By nolove4me - United States

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

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By deadbunnies - United States

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 17:00

Eat the rich

Today, at work, I found out that they are taking all bonus pay away, but giving us an extra $1 an hour due to Covid-19. Last week, they laid off half my department. Those people laid off are making more money on unemployment than I am now. FML

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By riddick0846 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

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By douglisk1994 - United States

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

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By WipeYaBooty - United States - Franklin

Today, I woke up with chest pain. It hurt just to breathe, but my parents made me go to school. We're sitting in the emergency room now. FML

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By crazylobster - Australia

Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote "I also have an eye.", instead of "I also have an eye for details.", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML

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By Anonymous

Right Said Fred

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And i was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

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By traitor - United States - Boston

Today, my ex-boyfriend accepted my mother's offer to have his wedding in our backyard. FML

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By crackie - Korea, Republic of

Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML

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By Accident-prone af - 7/7/2020 20:02

Kitchen nightmares

Today, while making milkshakes, I was pouring and the blender's blades all fell out somehow. I don't know what's worse, that I sliced my finger open when the blades fell out and now there's blood all over, that there's now melted ice cream all over my counter and floor, or that I just wasted an entire tub of ice cream. FML

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By suppressinggags - United States - Kennett

Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML

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By ohh jeez. - United States

Today, I handed in an assignment in health class that had to calculate my BMI. Embarassed by my weight I put it 15 pounds less. I got the assignment back and lost credit for something. Circled in red pen on the top was you must put your "EXACT" weight. FML

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By colebear - United States

Today, I went to hand in a job application, and the supervisor wanted to ask me a few questions. I was nervous so I kept touching the fabric on a nearby display table. Only after I left did my friend tell me it was a pantie display, and that I was fondling underwear. FML

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By morethanablondemoment - United States - Redding

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

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By heresmybellybotton - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

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By Jebus - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

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By bastards - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

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By carless - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

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By JefferyT - United States

Today, I was taken to my first session with my psychiatrist. The entirety of the facility, from the waiting room to the doc's office was decorated with dead butterflies in glass. I was there for my crippling mottephobia, the irrational fear of moths and butterflies. FML

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By AnxiousCucumber - United States - Los Angeles

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

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By popeye - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

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Top comments

By Ohnoitslindsay | 0

#165980 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:09

Well what did you expect?

By fatfaceunited | 0

#166119 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:31

your shirt is basically denying him, so why should he hit on you?

COMMENTS

By omglyktotally78 | 0

#165966 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:07

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! you might be ugly or fat with a combination of he's an asshole thrown in. FYL.

By Ohnoitslindsay | 0

#165980 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:09

Well what did you expect?

Reply

michaelscot23 | 0

#951707 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 1:32

ugly child

Reply

sports_chic | 6

#2241662 - Friday 25 March 2011 22:43

am I the only one who noticed he wrote that a guy came up to him and asked then replied to "her" ?

Reply

NikkiFlysKites | 8

#2421861 - Thursday 28 April 2011 6:03

I barely followed your comment.
It says "I replied FOR her." meaning, OP replied for their friend to the guy.

By ArtsySwag | 0

#165984 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:10

Wow, that does suck... What a jerk though.

By Atreyu_Love | 0

#165986 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:10

LMAO.

By Brittanyy | 0

#166025 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:15

LMAO.
Damn.

By iTz_Mark | 0

#166037 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:17

Shirt Fail! lol

By TheZephyrSon | 3

#166043 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:18

That guy's an asshole...

By manoverboard | 0

#166052 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:19

That's what you get for wearing weird shirts. xD
Refund?

Reply

Vietmanx | 9

#2366806 - Monday 18 April 2011 9:08

amen

By fely_fml | 0

#166060 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:21

lmao im guessing ur not hot! that sucks

Reply

neal001 | 0

#3883364 - Saturday 14 January 2012 17:23

Same to you my friend.

By McCannCanTriple | 0

#166068 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:23

#7 no, just truthful. Likely he just figured they where full of themselves to wear something like that (not knowing it was a soccer shirt)

OP, I would have likely just shrugged and told him it was for soccer.