Miscellaneous: Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts....

By Anonymous - United States - Racine

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Our house, in the middle of our street

Out of it

By what the actual fuck - United States - Puyallup

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

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25801

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By efmylife - United States

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

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31853

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By ositsranielle - United States

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23145

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By pzy

Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML

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9711

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33612

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4762

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By Anonymous - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33423

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By Anonymousse - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23677

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By ThatHurts - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18272

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By Darcy - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47367

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By B-Ry

Today, I had a date with a girl. The chemistry was just right and she seemed perfect in every way until she staunchly insisted that the earth is flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4392

You deserved it

316

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By Jenn

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8056

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792

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By Username

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37421

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By Shenza - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24769

You deserved it

3006

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By unfortunategeek - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML

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56370

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7560

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2021 01:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Mr Nice Guy

Today, it was our 12th anniversary. My husband only remembered because family members texted to wish us a happy anniversary. When he went out to the store to get groceries, he didn't even buy me flowers. He's also irritated that I "seem sad or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks

933

You deserved it

154

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By hospital - United States

Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40977

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5635

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By ohno - United States - Spring Lake

Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28401

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2596

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By igotsbadluck - United States - Smyrna

Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24025

You deserved it

41872

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By Jack - United States - Asheville

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13915

You deserved it

1338

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By Anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

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55769

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12499

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By Turnaround

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after I found him cheating on me with my best friend. It ended up with me apologising for spying on him. FML

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38327

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18677

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 02:01

Alcoholics of the world, get help

Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML

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777

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186

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 02:02

Gratitude

Today, I brought my girlfriend flowers. All she managed to do was to say it’s been a year since you brought me flowers. FML

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690

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

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73820

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By hatinthelife - United States

Over and out

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML

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52332

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4426

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 02:00

Contradictions everywhere

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1441

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130

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By Fox - United States

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12326

You deserved it

57472

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By DarkSerebii - United States

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

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45745

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, a teenage girl with a selfie stick came into my workplace. She knocked down multiple displays while trying to take pictures, before leaving without making a purchase. I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34101

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2460

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By Ughh! - France

Today, the people living below me have been blasting their music so loudly that I can hear every word as clear as day. The people next door think it's my music and feel the need to bang on the wall and blast their music just as loudly in revenge. I have two very important exams tomorrow. FML

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38914

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By Teylot - Canada

Today, I was sitting at my desk eating cereal with my cat sleeping on my lap. I got a really funny text and I started laughing hysterically, and spilled my cereal all over my cat. I'll let you know how my legs, arms, neck and face heal up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39875

You deserved it

13529

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 21:30

Turbulence

Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

719

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By bluebride - United States

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42652

You deserved it

3022

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back and lying about where he was was out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36085

You deserved it

3131

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46941

You deserved it

9272

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By blahbags - United Kingdom

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56715

You deserved it

17737

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54915

You deserved it

10233

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By bluewinter - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's birthday party. After about 15 minutes, I noticed a girl, possibly one of his sister's friends, wearing the same shirt as me. I am a 23 year old bloke. She didn't look a day over 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38042

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Cottonwood

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37919

You deserved it

4111

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By AnalProbe

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

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5010

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Top comments

By Cads1 | 24

#6378850 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:10

Parents and technology. Never a good mix.

By Rkikkas9713 | 25

#6378861 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:14

It's a dentists office. That makes no sense as a pun.

COMMENTS

By Benpie | 22

#6378848 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:10

Lol, come on man, stop DICKIN around?

Rkikkas9713 | 25

#6378861 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:14

It's a dentists office. That makes no sense as a pun.

lulinator | 40

#6378919 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 16:25

What? This comment needs a follow up.

nix1993 | 41

#6378952 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 16:56

I think he meant to reply to the "Stop teasing me, put everything in" dude below

lulinator | 40

#6378972 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 17:16

Ahhh, that makes sense. Thank you! Little slow this morning. :)

Mcstud1y | 30

#6379181 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 20:42

Sarcasm? Maybe?

countryb_cth | 38

#6379692 - Thursday 13 August 2015 9:00

I don't know how people end up replying to the wrong fml

By Cads1 | 24

#6378850 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:10

Parents and technology. Never a good mix.

By guii_fml | 24

#6378852 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:11

Women these days

By CaptainBat | 9

#6378855 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:12

Such a good mom lol

By MrGibbs25 | 20

#6378859 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:13

the worst is when they drug you up and then get all chatty with ya. for the next hour they nod their head while you let lose a series of unintelligent grunts.

seninaa | 27

#6378863 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:14

Series of unintelligent...what?

MrGibbs25 | 20

#6378864 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:15

grunts.............. read the whole paragraph.

By JuzReading | 23

#6378870 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:17

She really couldn't put two and two together??

By FemskyD | 26

#6378873 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:20

Shes quite protective hm

By barlos88 | 19

#6378892 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:45

Apologize and fire back with over communication, let her know when you take a shit, describe it to her, remind her how important it is you always be in communication ;)

By hoosiergirl94 | 31

#6378893 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:45

That's like if the dentist asked you a bunch of questions and got mad that you couldn't respond because their fingers were in your mouth

By worldclassrager | 39

#6378901 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:57

If you weren't in the waiting room wouldn't it be logical that you were getting worked on?

xxmollyxx | 25

#6379025 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 18:21

Yes, hence the FML.