Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML
Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, I had to beg my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This is a basic weekly argument. FML
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Top comments
ElementaryEdGuy 18
How about, "Take a shower or you'll never get that thing touched again?"
lakerfan8224 17
Don't go near that dirty body of his
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Comments (87)
floatablebullet 7
clearly he has a ******** deficiency
wildhorseman 32
Did he manage to get one, though?
thatonetribute 31
That is disgusting!
daemonsparta 16
sounds like he gets it so little he's desperate