Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML
Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, I had to beg my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This is a basic weekly argument. FML
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Top comments
ElementaryEdGuy 18
How about, "Take a shower or you'll never get that thing touched again?"
lakerfan8224 17
Don't go near that dirty body of his
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Comments (87)
lambda_fml 40
Now thats a good negotiator.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Hmmm, now I'm wondering if this was all an elaborate ruse to get a BJ out of his wife…
pattayarick 8
Well?????
redbandit9877 12
How do you even go two weeks without a shower? That's so gross. Unless he was camping or something.
perdix 31
How much sex have you two been having in the past two weeks? I mean, after a day or two, he was probably pretty ripe. I hope you've been boycotting him since then.
sugoine 12
You married him....ack!!!!
KatjaM 15
I would have sprayed him with a hose by now. That is just nasty!
pandabrr 12
How have you slept next to him for two weeks like that? o(≧o≦)o
amifaiyaz 12
You married him. You should have known he was a slob.
Lux2123 3
and u married the guy?? has he done this before??
izzy4175 8
worked on duck dynasty