Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML
Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML
Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML
Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML
Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tiptoed out of the room did I realize that my phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML
Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML
Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML
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Top comments
BellaBear90 27
Smart cookies :)
pam241 15
Genius kids you got there
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Comments (147)
cookiemonster314 8
Thug life!
srbuckley322 10
I'm questioning why you would leave your 5 year old child out in your front yard alone...
TallMist 32
Because it's totally impossible for 5 year olds to open doors...
azisles02 17
Be proud you raised two smart girls, Their intelligence deserves to be rewarded, fresh batch of cookies sound fair.
keerththana 13
Honestly, you don't get the point of FML. What your kids did was cute & smart. Nothing effed abt it LOL.
nerdy_girl 4
your daughters r freaking geniuses!!!
middlenamefrank 8
Aren't you proud? Or do you not WANT smart kids?
pwilly 8
That's F-in adorable!
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Just don't get anymore cookies. At least they're intelligent.
booknerd269 4
Smart kids they'll either rule the world or save it
funnaybitch114 7
When I read this, the "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar" song popped in my headXD