Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML
Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML
Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML
Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML
Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tiptoed out of the room did I realize that my phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML
Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML
Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML
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Top comments
BellaBear90 27
Smart cookies :)
pam241 15
Genius kids you got there
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Comments (147)
jh921971 10
Your kids know cooperation at 5. I'd call that a good thing.
Horris 3
I'm so sorry you have smart kids.
Deadmike 7
Good Girls :) and finally someone who has passed on good genes unlike of all the dumb kids people write about..
hannahnicole3196 4
So cute!
kumarina 35
Smart kids!
anonymousvoice 5
I can't say your life sucks...but what I can say with no hesitation, is that you have two very... smart cookies:P
simsgirlgem 25
start them on books and activities like origami to channel that evil genius complex
mxgirl1998 26
Time for the high shelf..
condiment_queen 13
Yeop. Way to have daughters that at age 5 are proving they will do anything to get junk food. So..... You'll be willing to pay for weight loss surgery when they hit their teens and can't fit thru a door? Real funny then.
Medication 10
I was so pressed for sugar as a kid, that I would steal Kool-aide packets from the kitchen, and then hide under my bed and eat the powder. Sucked having a dentist as a mom sometimes.