This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By oledad - 21/12/2018 00:00

Today, my ex handed me a postitive pregnancy test while sobbing uncontrollably. Turns out drunken, lonely weekends with an old lover can have serious repercussions. Here's to 18 more years with the bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks 373
You deserved it 1 597
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Top comments

inappropes 31

*Steve Irwin voice* Here we see the prime example of a dumbfuck. A very common species, but look at this one. It's a huge specimen. Perhaps he shall learn in the future to change his behaviour but chances are slim.

51 2
acmariner99 25

oh you so deserve this. maybe this will teach you to wear a rubber? or to not have drunken sex with an ex?

40 1

Comments

acmariner99 25

oh you so deserve this. maybe this will teach you to wear a rubber? or to not have drunken sex with an ex?

40 1
inappropes 31

*Steve Irwin voice* Here we see the prime example of a dumbfuck. A very common species, but look at this one. It's a huge specimen. Perhaps he shall learn in the future to change his behaviour but chances are slim.

51 2
Summaria 10

I mean....what the hell did you expect? To win a car by having unprotected intercouse with your old lover? That's a YDI for sure.....let's just hope both of you don't take it out on the poor kid.

18 0
slytheryn 14

Men will always be men at the end of the day...can’t resist..YDI

3 5
JasonThorn 19

Careful with those sweeping statements. Not all of us transfer body control to our genitalia when an ex shows up,.

3 0
maroongrad 13

More like idiots will be idiots. This took two people...and apparently two brain cells. Ever see the movie Idiocracy? This is how it begins, folks.

1 0
JaLeah Pittman 8

Lmao, that's what you get for continuing to have drunk, unprotected sex with someone you didn't even want to be in a relationship with.

4 0
tounces7 27

Uhhh, there's still options depending on your outlook, since obviously neither one of you wants it and aren't going to make very good parents anyway....

15 0
Rodville 28

Don’t forget the DNA test just to make sure you don’t pay for someone else’s kid for 18 years.

12 3
1gullible_bugger 33

That'll teach ya! Either use protection or avoid banging your exes! You totally deserve it!

3 0
Ravenclaws-Jinx 5

they never said it was unprotected, I know people who were born despite their parents using a condom, and I was conceived while my mom was on the pill. So still probably a good idea to not have sex with someone you can't stand because no protection is 100%....

8 0
bl3ur0z3 17

My mom used a condom and had my sister. She used a diaphragm and had my next sister so she switched to the pill and had me at which point she finally got her tubes tied. I have a little sister from her too.

4 0
adelaine782002 17

dang...by that time I would just give up..

0 0
maroongrad 13

Yep, but it's actually really rare. NO ONE in my family, out to cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. has conceived when trying NOT to. Use a condom correctly, failure rate of less than one percent. Use the pill correctly, failure rate of less than one percent. Use them both? Yeah, if you're really really unlucky it can happen. As I tell my students in Health. If it's opposite-sex sex, use condoms and AT LEAST one other form of birth control and use the condoms CORRECTLY. I suspect that if it was a drunken weekend with the ex...brain cells were not involved. Ethanol was.

1 0
Callyn 47

This sucks and no matter what anyone else says, you don't deserve it. You made a mistake, you didn't decide to hurt people. Talk to her about your options and don't stay in a relationship with her for the sake of the eventual child. If abortion is off the table, having two parents who hate each other is worse for the child than having two separated parents.

8 2