Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML
Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML
Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML
Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML
Today, my 18-year-old son got his first tattoo. I would have loved it, if it wasn't a text on his hand with a glaring spelling mistake in it. FML
Today, despite my warnings and knowing I hate them, my wife got a trashy tattoo of an eye on her ankle, like she’s Count Olaf. How is she going to get a job with that thing? FML
Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML
Today, I went for a job interview and was rejected for having a 'visible' tattoo. It's white ink, so you can't see it unless you look super closely. The only reason they knew about it was because I was honest and mentioned it when asked if I had any tattoos. I guess honesty is not the best policy. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
He has the right mindset: Life's a bitch, be it's pimp. I'd say that shows great life motivation and perseverance in front of challenges, don't see why he wasn't taken.
howdeedoo 22
OP, I've gotta say, your son is a dumbass
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Comments (71)
SomeRandomGuy15 18
They didn't even have to look up his profile online. His tattoo said everything they needed to know.
Futacy 30
I think he's just found his calling ;)
perdix 31
I think it's really the whining that's costing him the jobs. You can't pull off a bad-ass tattoo if you are a sniveling wimp. By the way, has he sought any pimping positions? It seems that tattoo would be like a diploma or license in more legit fields.
ohSNAPyall 27
Pimp? All I see here is a wimp and a blimp!
aliciaanomalyyxo 12
What an idiot! Dumb tattoos have repercussions!!
DocBastard 40
Well aren't you just so proud to have such a badass in the family. This is why we have kids. I can only pray that when my such grows up, he gets idiotic tattoos too.
TheDrifter 24
My daughter asked me if she could get a lower back tattoo "like mom". Still not sure how to explain my "no"answer without disparaging my ex, the repercussions of bad tattoo decisions are hard to explain when you have as much ink as I do.
bobslawnservice 16
The correct response to your teenaged daughter asking that question is to ask whether she plans on appearing in **** films or not.
upallnight11 19
Ok, but why delicately?
BellaBelle_fml 23
Probably because she has had to deal with her son being sniveling little bitch who is way too sensitive to even the smallest critique or suggestion far too many times. Regardless of whether said critique or suggestion is meant to be a positive one that is merely being said to help them further their life and to be more successful or not.
outoftown 27
You can help him, OP. Obviously, he doesn't know how to use concealer make-up. It'll be a bonding experience that won't cost as much as getting him out of jail.
mkcherry 14
He will never receive a white collar job or even a menial job in customer service (target, wal-mart, taco bell) with that tattoo. You cant even work at most gas stations, deli counters or janitorial with a tattoo that shows, especially one so silly and offensive. That being said, i doubt he has the education, training or personality for a white collar job. Tell your son to learn a trade and work for an independent business because they will be the only ones to hire him without him getting professional tattoo removal. He could go to trade school and become an HVAC technician, plumber, welder or carpenter. If he has these skills he could also become a general handyman and work for himself. Other business to consider; tattoo shops, auto mechanics, bouncer at a bar, bartenders, security officers, military (I doubt he has the skills to join the military if he's juvenile to get such a tattoo). Another option is to just cover the tattoos during interviews and work hours. When i worked at hooters (grad school) i would cover my tattoo with derma blend a VERY expensive professional makeup that can hide even the darkest and largest tattoos, or scars. Only a tiny segment of my side tattoo showed in my uniform but it's against company policy.
TheDrifter 24
I'm not 100 percent on the UK's military tattoo rules, but Canada says nothing offensive and nothing below the cuff, do that's likely out either way. I had a number of public jobs when I was young, with full tattoo sleeves, it really does friend on what you have.
sugarshane007 20
Tell him to pull a Darth Vader and wear a glove, and then remind the little dumbass that the heavy breathing and James Earl Jones impersonation shouldn't be used along with it.
obviousboy 8
Why delicately? You raised a moron. Well done.