Work: Today, I went to my first ever job interview, in a totally stressed... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 6

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 124

29/05/2012 10:19

Today, I went to my first ever job interview, in a totally stressed out state. The employer's first question was: "What's your name?" I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 89

Age difference

Another great day to be alive

Landlords…

Jim Henson lives

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 17:55

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 353

You deserved it 5 102

03/07/2013 16:25

Spicy

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 548

You deserved it 18 581

14/02/2010 00:29

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 169

You deserved it 6 902

No one is that good in bed, surely

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 16:59

Spicy

Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 110

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 17:02

Spicy

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 721

You deserved it 3 713

Sounds lovely

By theotherotherguy - 27/09/2012 05:22

Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 801

You deserved it 1 844

My alarm

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 218

04/11/2014 22:57

Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her 3 different bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 2 699

Keeping it in the family!

By Franklin - 01/02/2018 05:00

Today, we got the results of our family's ancestry DNA tests. My father isn't related to me, but my grandfather is still my grandfather. Apparently grandma cheated on grandpa to get 'dad', and my mother cheated on 'dad' with my 'uncle' to get me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 178

You deserved it 283

25/10/2010 04:22

Today, I returned from vacation. Because of rain, I spent 3 days sitting in a hotel room, watching a TV with bad reception. I'm now less relaxed that if I'd have just stayed home, because that wouldn't have cost me $500, and my TV has more than 15 channels. So much for my first vacation in 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 141

You deserved it 5 319

18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 421

You deserved it 766

30/08/2009 16:40

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 772

You deserved it 8 382

26/12/2010 02:29

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 456

You deserved it 4 245

Nerd

By cole - 24/04/2009 16:40

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said, "Hey, I love your jacket, where'd you get that?" I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 435

You deserved it 61 478

08/01/2011 15:15

Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 40 716

27/01/2011 00:57

Spicy

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 867

You deserved it 5 690

29/05/2016 02:20

Today, my mom was "that" customer at the local drive-thru. She slipped into attention whore mode and bitched the guy out for not giving us extra fries. He said she didn't ask for any, which was true. Instead of apologizing, she swore at him and floored the gas, sending our drinks spilling all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 928

You deserved it 1 731

04/03/2010 15:51

Today, I went out to eat with a group of couples and my boyfriend. All my friends boyfriends paid for them. Mine didn't, and said that I should order off the diet menu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 859

You deserved it 5 611

31/12/2009 08:06

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 279

You deserved it 64 251

03/02/2010 06:24

Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 510

You deserved it 4 320

10/04/2017 00:00

Today, I learned that the college I'm going to in the fall has been tampering with their ratings on the internet and actually only has a 5% graduation rate. Everything's already been paid for and I can't transfer elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 923

You deserved it 544

11/06/2018 19:00

Today, my front tooth randomly fell out in the middle of class. I brush regularly and visit the dentist, the tooth was perfectly healthy looking, and it didn’t hurt beforehand or bleed. It literally just fell out for no reason. Now I have a gap grin and I don’t know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 934

You deserved it 208

02/05/2013 08:27

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 809

You deserved it 6 688

Kitchen nightmares

By Anonymous - 19/09/2021 00:30

Today, I dropped my phone in the frying pan whilst cooking my steak. I had to rinse off the oil immediately and clean the phone, then had to eat a cold steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 928

13/11/2018 05:00

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 987

You deserved it 379

08/04/2017 14:00

Today, while at the mall, I was traveling up the escalator on my way to the food court. When I neared the top, the handrail severely shocked me, causing me to drop a bag of China I had just bought, which fell to the bottom of the escalator and shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 407

You deserved it 509

09/06/2013 05:13

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 342

You deserved it 5 130

My lovely horse

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 08:01

Today, after we managed to find a horse that was completely healthy and problem-free, we took her home. Now she keeps getting thinner because she's stressed and scared. Of what? Of having too much space to move around in, and occasionally seeing deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 97

10/12/2013 18:04

Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 128

You deserved it 9 723

21/06/2019 16:01

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 124

25/04/2011 19:31

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 642

You deserved it 20 605

10/03/2010 08:39

Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys and TV, and removed my bedroom door. Why? Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah, they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 360

You deserved it 2 784

Amazon Prime

By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:00

Today, I ordered an iPad to replace a broken tablet in a haste. I managed to order one of the only ones that doesn't support an Apple pencil. This is exactly the only feature I SERIOUSLY need. Can one be more stupid? FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 940

Be precise

By Loveless - 07/03/2021 15:30

Today, I started the conversation where I intended to confess to my crush that I like her. I first asked her if she liked me. She asked me to define my terms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 216

07/11/2016 06:29

Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 1 304

06/06/2015 19:19

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 132

You deserved it 2 100

19/03/2009 02:57

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 156

You deserved it 19 204

02/08/2012 06:53

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 258

You deserved it 18 614

18/01/2014 03:48

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 026

You deserved it 5 508

26/07/2011 03:35

Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 351

You deserved it 7 089

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Top comments

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:43

Interviewer: Do you know why you are here? OP: Umm... Urging... John Smith!!!

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:44

Should've said, "sorry, I'm just nervous." It solves 9/10 problems. True Story

Comments

Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:40

No, just no.

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:48

Forgetting your name sucks. That's why I write mine on the back of my hand incase someone asks.

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:50

Really...?

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:56

I don't think "no, just no" really works in this situation

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:08

1- miss Mist, I don't think that was very nice :(

brown4lifejot 1

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:36

Yes, just yes.

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 22:21

17- Great trick! Most people stare at me weird when I have to check my underwear for my name :(

AwkwardPartyBear 24

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 23:40

(whispers) Psstt... Op... Its Anonyme....

TheFuckerofShit 16

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 0:26

Did you put your mind in blank like SpongeBob? Like in the episode of Squilliam Returns.

kj51 5

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 1:11

This is completely Normal, once I went to blockbuster with my moms card and the clerk was suspicious so she asked me where I lived. I got the address wrong

ReesieBanana21 12

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 2:50

Way to play it smooth... The guys I like asked me what my name was the other day. I was very happy he didn't know my name, but I was more disappointed that, even I, couldn't remember. But, life moves on! Sorry OP! ;-) Message me if you got the job! ;-D

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 5:53

That's like when some are so nervous on question 1 on a test. Their own damn name. :P

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:43

Interviewer: Do you know why you are here? OP: Umm... Urging... John Smith!!!

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:45

Urghhhh became urging. I just got iphowned.

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:46

I don't usually see, but when I do, it's what you did there.

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:59

13- that was the most creative way of saying 'I see what you did there' I've seen on this site. Claps for you sir

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:06

*elvis voice* thank ya, thank ya very much.

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 20:26

28- 'Claps for you' Do you mean that physicaly or physicaly? If you know what I mean.

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 22:23

54- "Physically" is the word and "The Clap" is the term.

tjv3 10

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 1:32

You will learn in time to relax be yourself . If they like you then yea you got the job if not move on

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 4:30

At least Op didn't say, "24." :) spongebob

blondebrunette11 4

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 6:05

Oh Na Na, what's my name?

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 13:22

Umm.... Errr! Ahh!!!! 24!!!!!

tehLulzbringer 3

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Friday 6 July 2012 7:02

Doctor, is that you?

igive 29

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:43

Next time wear those tags that say "Hello. my name is..."

biggestfan23 11

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:03

OP needs to get a grip

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:42

Nice to meet you 'I forgot'. I have to admit that's a very original name :P

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:57

(45) Oh my, that was bad ^ Forgive me. I guess I have to go buy "Humor for Dummies" .

ManInTheMachine 19

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:44

Employer: Good afternoon. I'd like to start by asking: what is your name? You forgot to shed it in on your resumé. OP: Ummm...ah, *thinking to self* dammit Jessica. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?? *gets up* I CANT DO THIS! I'M UNDERQUALIFIED!! *Runs away in shame* That's a damn shame OP. You practiced in the mirror, but nothing could prepare you for the ultimate question. Well, the second ultimate question, the first being: How is your day going?

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:46

I think you meant "send it in..." ;)

ManInTheMachine 19

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:52

Yeah i did... Missed it until the last second :).

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:05

Although it was a pretty funny scene in my head... Employer: You forgot to shed it in on your resumé. OP: I.. Uhm.. Wait, what was the question?

dancinwookie 21

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 20:13

4 - That scenario sounds exactly like both times I tried out for the school play. I have wicked bad stage fright.

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:44

Should've said, "sorry, I'm just nervous." It solves 9/10 problems. True Story

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:11

Best believe it OP. When someone says true story, it means business. Like the time my mom said she saw what I did last weekend, true story. She really meant it..

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 22:24

That tenth problem it doesn't solve is in an interrogation room as a suspect for murder.

windfuelsfire 10

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:44

Blonde deer in headlights

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:01

I must say I've never seen a blonde deer

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 20:29

Oh deer.

cheetahbaby96 8

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 22:53

Oh doe. These puns are getting rideerculous. You have to be elking me.

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 4:06

Elking? Am I the only one that cannot get "elking" out of "kidding"?

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 17:50

What?

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:44

Don't sweat it OP, that happens to a lot of people, especially if it's for a big company. I'm sure the interviewer went through the same things and will forgive you. I hope you get the job! Cheers.

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 19:08

Considering she forgot her name, I can't imagine the rest of the interview would have gone too spectacularly.. Treat it as practice op. Practice makes perfect!

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 22:34

yeah but nobody is perfect. so why practice?

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 22:49

68- now who is saying that? You or the bible?

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:44

"Bond..James Bond." It's better than blurting out "Your mom!!" anyway.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 20:57

"Oh na na, what's my name?" "I....just asked that. Are you supposed to know?" "Sorry, Chris Brown is my new boyfriend."

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 22:26

"Explains those two black eyes you have."

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:45

Sounds like you need more confidence if you were so stressed/nervous that you forgot your own name

peachesncreem 21

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 18:46

You need to learn to relax OP! Hopefully you recovered from that introduction and were able to continue with the interview.

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 9:30

Haha, that ninja stuff is pretty funny. What's yours ninja name? Got to be good aye?