Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my wife's parents came over, insisting they saw me at the bar at 1:30 p.m., talked to me, and that I left with another woman. I was at work all day. I have no idea what they are talking about, I've never done this. My wife doesn't believe me. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML
Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML
Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML
Today, my wife lied to me three times, saying she was at work but in reality she was home the whole day. Every time I ask her about it, she says she's not in the mood to talk. And says a lot of "I don't knows…" Almost like she has something to hide. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Ydi for lying
glutgyoogle 6
Fail. You better hope she's a forgiving person otherwise I'd get used to sleeping alone. YDI
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Comments (169)
Fiyahcracker 1
Wifey obviously went to the bar to catch her dumbass husband in a lie.
BlackFireGeisha 4
Well.... Why did you lie? I have to be honest, I hate lying more than anything in my relationship. If you were doing something that you felt needed lying about, you were either doing something you know you shouldn't have been or you need to talk to her about being paranoid/controlling.
takeajoke 5
honesty is the best policy.
kingkaid 4
It's important to remember, that by process of elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy.
gleeklove 2
YDI, I don't get how you couldn't have just told her that you were at a bar with some friends!
thekewlest69 9
Way to play it safe 8)
amayalives4music 1
I hope your wife is forgiving. Or you better get used to doing your own laundry for a while :)... JK JK
oneleggedbeauty 0
You should have responded 'why, is there something you're hiding that I need to be out of the house' and then be like WHERE ARE YOU???
TheGame317 5
If you wasn't cheating you wouldn't of been in trouble. Now that you lied she's not only going to be mad you lied but now she's going to think you're cheating. Dumbass.
tlccarino 0
no nookie for you for a while
ItsApril 0
oh yeah, FYl for being a lying piece of shit. Boohoo YDI!