Love: Today, I was watching TV and realised I am attracted to Sandra...

By Noname - Australia

Today, I was watching TV and realised I am attracted to Sandra Oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9591

You deserved it

18304

Favorite

Love

Triage

Walk on the wild side

Reverse psychology

By apavies444 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19106

You deserved it

44843

Favorite

By CatLover<3 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46435

You deserved it

21867

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34366

You deserved it

2874

Favorite

By LordCrafte - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52311

You deserved it

3220

Favorite

By really?! - 22/3/2020 06:30

Troll level 3000

Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1812

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By Amanda - United States

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43532

You deserved it

4724

Favorite

By got to be kidding me - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my eight-year-old daughter refused to use the port-a-potty at the fair. She preferred to piss her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1917

You deserved it

261

Favorite

By Sandra - 21/1/2021 11:01

Proud dad

Today, my husband, who is proud of his 155 IQ, is depressed our son is becoming a typical football jock with an IQ only just into the triple digits. He even thinks I must have had an affair, because no way could someone as smart as him have produced such a blockhead with tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1159

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By bob - United States

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52820

You deserved it

5442

Favorite

By Username - India

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25818

You deserved it

4749

Favorite

By FMLimsomad - United States

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9551

You deserved it

38207

Favorite

By Anonymous - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31038

You deserved it

5109

Favorite

By mrjude

Whiner!

Today, my boss yelled at me, telling me that I can't answer the phone anymore. Not because I do a bad job, but because a co-worker whined about it being her job. People call her and complain about how rude she is and then ask to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1655

You deserved it

Favorite

By ollie_ollivia - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55531

You deserved it

2712

Favorite

By BackIGo - 15/1/2021 02:01 - Australia

Back to the drawing board

Today, I finished birthday shopping for my husband, my son, and a close friend, who all have birthdays within a week. I was proud of myself for being organized, until I remembered: my husband has a twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

681

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By dhskkf - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50481

You deserved it

7322

Favorite

By Nobody - Singapore

Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43552

You deserved it

5174

Favorite

By willconqueror1 - United States

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37197

You deserved it

3473

Favorite

By bob the builder - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24294

You deserved it

1722

Favorite

By Cuntface McGee - Romania - Dej

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39772

You deserved it

18517

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/6/2020 02:00

Freak out

Today, we ended the night with a yellow jacket queen trying to make a home in our apartment's kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1209

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Port-menier

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42535

You deserved it

2173

Favorite

By Rakayla - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after finally asking my crush for his number, and telling him the reason being he's the only friend whose number I don't have, he laughed, then asked, "Why would I ever be your friend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2172

You deserved it

215

Favorite

By whoriblemomindeed - United States - Celeste

Today, in a fit of paranoid hysteria, my mom threw out my phone, claiming the NSA can look through the camera to spy on me. I guess that's why you're still using your own phone to sext your latest boyfriend, eh mom? FML

I agree, your life sucks

44039

You deserved it

2997

Favorite

By yggiz - United States

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20907

You deserved it

31933

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Foxboro

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28092

You deserved it

7927

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52828

You deserved it

4759

Favorite

By scully11 - Canada

Cue Shaggy

Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37272

You deserved it

3333

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10174

You deserved it

39563

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. I pointed out that due to a technicality, if he hired someone to replace me, he'd have to pay them more anyway. He said he'd gladly pay more for "someone who knows his god-damn place" and made it clear I'll be jobless very soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32356

You deserved it

9015

Favorite

By dotcomboy - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12921

You deserved it

78678

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32025

You deserved it

10094

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Sticky

Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7973

You deserved it

27589

Favorite

By NoComparison - United States

Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58765

You deserved it

5164

Favorite

By sideeffect001 - United States - Logan

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21428

You deserved it

4258

Favorite

By Lastsecondstand - United States

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58247

You deserved it

11116

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24473

You deserved it

12861

Favorite

By faul - 26/9/2020 05:02 - United States

Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Today, a lady told me I looked like Paul McCartney in his youth. With that little confidence boost, I told my girlfriend. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that she didn't know who Paul McCartney is, or how she is now obsessively Googling pictures of him and is practically drooling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

858

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By dazedandconfused - United Kingdom

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64314

You deserved it

3798

Favorite

By epic flash

Wild Child

Today, my daughter's quirkiness and eccentricities may have gone to a whole new level when her school faculty described her as "no stranger to LSD". She's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3011

You deserved it

240

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By blowyourspeakers | 0

#137857 - Friday 24 April 2009 0:23

She is AMAZINGLY gorgeous, in her own way.
.. Man, I'm a girl and I'd fuck her.

By BurnTheVegan | 0

#163738 - Sunday 3 May 2009 5:31

Fuck you. Sandra Oh is awesome.

COMMENTS

By Easy_Target | 0

#3863 - Thursday 19 February 2009 7:31

What?! I'd do her!

By altna | 4

#4912 - Saturday 21 February 2009 19:31

Yeah she's hot

By genericnickname | 0

#8823 - Friday 27 February 2009 22:11

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

MrsDruidess | 23

#5782421 - Saturday 7 December 2013 12:00

that was such a crappy thing to say!

By Pleasestop | 0

#15360 - Thursday 5 March 2009 1:56

Hahahahahaha. That's interesting, how did that happen?

By myloveiselectric | 0

#28729 - Thursday 12 March 2009 21:42

haha i have to agree with #11!

mattzawesome | 28

#6094668 - Monday 20 October 2014 17:46

Then thumb their comment up...

By AsianSensation | 0

#30976 - Saturday 14 March 2009 5:59

shes my cousin
im not ugly... u promise.

Sobored3000 | 0

#1905953 - Thursday 30 December 2010 1:10

And because you're name has the word asian in it, we're supposed to believe you, right? ya, fat chance

By th1rt3en95 | 0

#43541 - Thursday 19 March 2009 22:18

im sorry.

By lmfp | 0

#47211 - Saturday 21 March 2009 9:45

shes so hot!

By Superhero_Girl | 0

#68242 - Sunday 29 March 2009 23:21

Lucy Liu is hotter.

By nikkimontgomery | 0

#75641 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 23:56

I adore Sandra! She's gorgeous and so nice.