It's no one's business if you don't want to have children, and your father is a callous idiot for giving you that ultimatum. Besides, you're doing a noble act by placing funds for your nieces' futures. Keep doing what you're doing, OP. Don't let people try to shame you into something you'll regret.

A random person started yelling at you? What the ****? Also your dad sounds like a complete asshole. I say good riddance in that aspect. Not to mention who is going to be fathering these children? You haven't mentioned a significant other; does he expect you to just one night stand until you're pregnant?

Whoops, I see where you mentioned a partner. I went right over it the first time! My apologies.

Geez, considering that your partner apparently hasn't bothered you about kids, they don't have the right to. Your dad on the other hand is a selfish twat. He's obviously got grandkids already- he should be able to content himself with the ones he already has, instead of wanting to risk your health for a grandchild that would be at risk health wise.

Wtf is wrong with your family.. That's really sad so hear op.

I don't have much faith left in humanity, your story pretty much decimated the remaining faith. I can't believe your father treats your like that and I can't believe that psycho stormed up to you. Oh wait... Yeah I can, because people are assholes.

Tell your pops you'll have to move in to cover costs and he'll have to help babysit everyday instead of retire so you can help afford the kid you didn't want.

I'm so sorry, OP. Thankfully my family has laid off, and I hope you find peace. You are not selfish, and you are a worthy person, even without childbearing

I think my parents are the only parents that don't want me to have kids. I'm sorry OP. No one should make you feel bad for your choices.

In a week tell him that you went to the doctor and they told you that you were infertile so you CAN'T have kids. People who refuse to adopt yet spend thousands for IVF are selfish. You, are not.

#47 - Wow it's a bit harsh to call people who spend money on IVF selfish just because they didn't opt to adopt. Although I personally agree that adoption is the best thing, my sister spent money on IVF and other procedures to have her kids. It is not selfish to want to experience the pregnancy for yourself, to want to have a child that is yours in flesh and blood. I myself would most likely adopt before having my own (if I even decide to have kids) but I am so grateful for my two beautiful nieces that would never have existed if my sister just adopted. I don't think she was selfish for that choice. How about saying the people who abandoned their kids in the first place are the selfish ones? And OP doesn't need to do that. Just tell him to **** off, no excuse necessary. Her dad doesn't deserve much else from her than that.

:( I understand. Leave everything aside but not being physically fit for having a child is a huge deal. Never do it OP. Not until you can get healthy enough to do it. No matter what your family says about you don't do it.

I have kids, I'm glad I have them and I love them more than anything. But there is no denying it: raising them is very demanding and there are a lot of things I just can't do any more, or not as often, or that I don't want to do anymore because I'm responsible for them. I completely understand everyone who, for one reason or another, doesn't want to have kids of their own. It's not selfish, it's a decision. I'll admit it: there are moments when I envy double-income-no-kids people. The freedom and financial security they have. The vacations they can go on, the houses they can afford, they hobbies they can pursue. There is a lot of stuff you give up when you decide to have kids. There is a lot you gain too, as I said, I love my kids and wouldn't give them up for the world. But still. And I think, all those people calling you selfish, demanding you to have kids etc: they envy you for the things one is giving up for kids, but they are too afraid to admit that because it would make them sound like they don't love their kids. I say: ignore them. Enjoy your life and be an awesome aunt for your nieces. I'm sure they will appreciate everything you do for them!

Wow, talk about a culture difference, find somebody who accepts you for who you are and forget about your family for now. You can talk to them when your financial, physical, and mental problems are worked out and it sounds like they are just going to slow you down.

People are assholes. I hear constantly WHEN (not IF but WHEN) will I have children (and I do not wish to have any + I am a student). Basically it's "we want to hold a cute baby so we'd like you to be pregnant". I know that if I got pregnant and had to keep the baby I would hate that child and I know that with time I'd start to hate my partner too because I'd be stuck in a life that I did not wish for. In best case I'd end up leaving my partner and the child so I'm sticking to not having them because I do not want to lose my partner. And many people that got stuck with unwanted children (I guess they told themselves having kids is how it should be) get angry at me for not wanting them just because they are frustrated and don't want to admit they had the choice too. So no matter what others tell you, do as you wish. DO NOT have children if YOU do not want them. It's a lifelong obligation and it's your life. Sadly, way too many idiots that do not understand that and think they are entitled to tell other women what to do with their womb.

My aunt and uncle don't have kids, they're the happiest couple i know (and also with the most free time and money) If u want kids then have them! If u don't want kids then don't have them! Do what makes u happy!!!!!

I have SO MUCH RESPECT for those who choose not to have children. Children er so easy to get, and many does it without thinking. It's sad that your father has such a shitty attitude, but consider how lucky you are to get rid og such a nasty person... Don't let anyone give you crap for your choices <3

Holy crap you are surrounded by negative, selfish, horrible people. I'm so sorry. I have a good friend who has severe scoliosis and depression, who also doesn't want/can't have children because of it, so I'm immediately sympathetic to that itself. I hope you have therapy, some outlet, and a supportive partner. Don't be afraid to cut off people who are toxic to you, you deserve to pursue your own happiness. Best of luck xx

Ouch, that is horrible. My husband's sister is the same way. She feels that even though she's married to the love of her life, her mental issues would make being a mother really hard. The good thing is one of her best friends feels the same way about herself, so she's in good company. But the family still pesters her. When her brother and I got engaged and later married she sighed, "Thank god!! Now they can bother you guys about kids and leave me alone!!"

Not having kids because you know you can't provide them with the care that they need (and because it would cause you harm) is the complete opposite of selfish. If anybody's selfish here, it's the people insisting you should live your life the way that they think you should. Keep on being awesome and doing what's right for you, OP, and keep on supporting those nieces like the awesome aunt you sound to be.

your dad is the one who is selfish. whatever the reason if you would prefer to be child free that is your choice and your right.

Wait, your dad will disown you if you don't get pregnant? He does know of your medical issues that make it unwise to have a kid, I assume. But he wants you to risk your health and your life so you can give him more grandchildren? Who's the selfish one here? If he doesn't want to talk to you anymore because of this, you're better off without him in your life. And some random stranger called you a selfish bitch? Because you literally cannot have children? Dafuq? Not everyone is meant to be a parent. Some people shouldn't be parents but have kids anyway. (That wench in the food court is probably one such person.) You are smart enough to recognize that and limit your role to the loving auntie.

As someone who struggled to conceive I'm grateful I was finally able to have a child. With that being said, a person has a CHOICE as to whether or not they have children. And that their reasoning (whatever that may be) is no one else's to judge. That by choosing not to have children due to your limitations is the exact opposite of selfish. That you are considering the child's well-being as well as your partner's, in not forcing them to basically raise the child with you just being a physical presence in the home. i commend and applaud you OP

I think you nailed the mentality. People who demand that utter strangers have kids are really just asking you to validate their lifestyle. It's a very small minded, insecure person who can't stand the idea of people being happy doing things differently.

that's terrible, your father should respect your decision. it seems like he's the selfish one if he plans on leaving you just because you don't want children

Ignore any negativity. You have obviously thought this through and came to a reasonable decision based upon facts. Some people who already have children should have thought long and hard first and then not had them.

That is terriable you don't derserve that treatment. You should only have kids if you want them and or can care for them

You're doing the right thing OP.

I have no desire to have kids, I have way too many health problems, physical and mental, and I would never want to put a kid through what I have. IF I ever have the desire to be a parent, I'm fostering or adopting, there are already enough unwanted kids in this world, and I would be glad to have one in my home where they could be loved and have a home.

I know exactly how that is. I have been told that as well. I don't plan on having kids part of the reason is it could kill me due to medical reasons with my lady parts, not to mention what it would do to my back. I have always been straight forward with any guy I have dated and then later on get told I'm selfish because I don't want to even try and have their babies. The real kicker is that when I first started seeing him I had broken down to him in tears about how I can't have kids and about the miscarriage I had a year before. He he reassured me that it was fine and he doesn't care about kids. Just to leave me 6 months later because I wouldn't even try to have his kid. By then my Dr. had informed me I will probably never have kids and if i did get pregnant I would be extremely high risk and it could possibly even kill me, which my ex even knew. Stay strong op everyone can be assholes.

#27, if a possible pregnancy could be that dangerous for you, and you don't want kids anyways, have you considered having your tubes tied? That way you wouldn't have to worry about contraception, and you can make it clear to any future partner that there is no possibility of ever having their kids. It might save you a lot of discussion and heartbreak.

61, sadly, a lot of times, you won't be allowed to get your tubes tied unless you have a kid or are over a certain age, no matter what your medical problems are. It's ****** up, but people care more about reproducing than about the people already on the earth.

#27 I feel sorry that you have encountered such pricks. Idiots like that think "I'll just say it's OK. She is a woman, surely she will have/wants kids". And you even have a medical problem and yet they are so selfish they would risk your life to have kids. What the hell? And even if you could have kids if you do not want them people should respect that.

Depends on the country. If one really wants tied tubes or something like this, it's one foreign trip. It's what we do in Poland with abortion, which is illegal in most cases - we just go for a weekend to Germany or Czech.

I think it's lovely that you're supporting your nieces like this! I wish I had a closer relationship with my aunts and uncles and am really happy that I've recently got the opportunity to approach things differently with my new niece. Also I think it's wonderful when children are born to families who truly want them, the fantastic thing these days is that the choice to have children or not is getting slowly easier as women are able to support themselves without having to rely on being a wife and mother.

#64, I am aware of that, though there are usually ways circumvent that, such as asking multiple doctors, getting a psychological attest that you are aware of the non-reversible nature of the procedure and still want it, or, as another poster mentioned, go someplace else to have it done.

Well said!