By NotSarahConnor - United States - Staten Island Today, my boss thought it was funny to fire me by putting on dark sunglasses and saying "You have been terminated" in a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. FML I agree, your life sucks 4820 You deserved it 369 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By non-baker - Australia - Melbourne Today, I baked a cake for when my mum came home. I did everything I needed to do and put it in the oven, set the timer and went to do some things around the house. When my mum came home, she asked why there was a uncooked cake mix sitting in the oven. I forgot to turn the oven on. FML I agree, your life sucks 28968 You deserved it 8948 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Leslie - United States Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML I agree, your life sucks 47029 You deserved it 2810 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ms piggy - United States Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML I agree, your life sucks 13987 You deserved it 43029 236 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hatetheroommate - United States Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML I agree, your life sucks 27694 You deserved it 129631 606 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ForeverEmbarrassed - United States Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML I agree, your life sucks 44558 You deserved it 4340 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AndI'veHadChildren - United States Today, I was passing a kidney stone. I had to go to the ER but had no one to take me, so I drove myself. They made me wait 3 hours because it was suspicious that someone in "so much pain" could drive. It was the largest stone that doctor had seen in his career. FML I agree, your life sucks 4504 You deserved it 211 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML I agree, your life sucks 2355 You deserved it 90 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ouch - Australia Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML I agree, your life sucks 27554 You deserved it 2415 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FirstStringQB - United States Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML I agree, your life sucks 37146 You deserved it 4686 273 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crashednowcrushed - United States Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML I agree, your life sucks 58239 You deserved it 14803 227 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, I scraped the ice off my boss's car windows and thought it'd be funny to scrape a swastika in the ice on his roof. I didn't realize until it thawed off that it scratched it into the paint. He didn't find much humor in it and is making me pay for the damage. FML I agree, your life sucks 7910 You deserved it 81172 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Charlton Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML I agree, your life sucks 9977 You deserved it 898 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lonelygirl - United States Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML I agree, your life sucks 25576 You deserved it 3427 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LightsOut - United States Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML I agree, your life sucks 43457 You deserved it 3117 159 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GetFuzzy Coach Class Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML I agree, your life sucks 436 You deserved it 1898 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lexiiiiiiweee - United States Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML I agree, your life sucks 25559 You deserved it 3807 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By librarygirl - United States Today, I was volunteering at the library. A kid came up and asked me to help him peel the back off his sticker. It took me so long the kid left. Determined, I still tried to peel it off. Fifteen minutes later, the librarian came over, looked once at it, and told me it wasn't a sticker. FML I agree, your life sucks 12140 You deserved it 41748 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By friskeyk14 - United States Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML I agree, your life sucks 28623 You deserved it 19031 269 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Trapped - Australia Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML I agree, your life sucks 38212 You deserved it 14106 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML I agree, your life sucks 24997 You deserved it 3498 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TCRII Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML I agree, your life sucks 3386 You deserved it 369 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Excitation morning Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML I agree, your life sucks 1819 You deserved it 619 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Lake Worth Today, I found out that my mom has been deliberately forgetting to help me practice my driving. It's not because the insurance will go up once I pass the test, she doesn't want my 14 year-old sister to feel left behind. FML I agree, your life sucks 20601 You deserved it 1174 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By linzl00 - United States - Springfield Today, the "man cold" has infected my brother. He honestly thinks he's dying. He only has the sniffles. FML I agree, your life sucks 39051 You deserved it 3626 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By trafficfail Today, as I was driving to work, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see an old man behind me using binoculars to see in front of him since we were stuck in a huge traffic jam. He rear ended me. FML I agree, your life sucks 31675 You deserved it 2804 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Greensborough Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML I agree, your life sucks 39517 You deserved it 3822 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 0stvn0 - Canada Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML I agree, your life sucks 33447 You deserved it 5605 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/9/2020 02:02 Preventive measures Today, I was minding my own business when the guy I have a crush on sat down next to me at work, explained that he heard that I had a crush on him and that he was flattered, but that we should "be friends" because I'm a "nice girl". I was rejected by someone I didn't even pursue. FML I agree, your life sucks 1366 You deserved it 114 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CARAPPY LUCK Today, the transmission on my brand new car went out. I bought it last month when the transmission on my old car went out. FML I agree, your life sucks 2731 You deserved it 260 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By moron - United States Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML I agree, your life sucks 31266 You deserved it 3715 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Smeagogole - France - Villeurbanne Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML I agree, your life sucks 27044 You deserved it 3539 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stpddog - United States Today, while trying to get my attention, my dog got her nail stuck in a usb port in my laptop. She freaked out and ran off, dragging it off my lap and through the house before if came off. Her nail was only slightly chipped- my laptop now has a cracked screen. FML I agree, your life sucks 44474 You deserved it 8937 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AwkwardWaitress - United Kingdom Today, while serving drinks at work to a group of people getting tipsy on wine, I joked about it being obvious who the designated driver was to the only gentleman who'd been religiously sticking to coke all night. He coldly informed me that he was a recovering alcoholic. FML I agree, your life sucks 31740 You deserved it 15647 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML I agree, your life sucks 30058 You deserved it 3958 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML I agree, your life sucks 34805 You deserved it 4110 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RescuePups - United States - Waterford Sneaky Bitch Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML I agree, your life sucks 3227 You deserved it 768 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lil_bit - France Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML I agree, your life sucks 7711 You deserved it 44308 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 14:01 Geyser Söze Today, I found out why my B&B host looked so pissed this morning. I remember having too much red wine and puking out the window last night. Turns out the lampshade underneath the window spread my puke all over the freshly painted wall. FML I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 1776 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mah - United States Today, while getting gas, a hottie pulled-up to the pump next to me. I finished filling my tank and started to drive away. As I was checking her out and paying no attention to my driving, I ended up taking the front bumper off her car with my truck. FML I agree, your life sucks 6024 You deserved it 40095 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mishlette - United Kingdom - Derby Office Space Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML I agree, your life sucks 31787 You deserved it 2741 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By julfunky | 29 #7610124 - Monday 12 March 2018 1:51 ... Your boss was right. Send a private message 30 1 Reply
By Beefmaster | 4 #7610127 - Monday 12 March 2018 2:07 Is your boss Micheal Scott? Send a private message 26 0 Reply
By kazekai8 | 11 #7610122 - Monday 12 March 2018 1:46 *OHYEAAAAAAAAH *MUSIC ENSUES Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By julfunky | 29 #7610124 - Monday 12 March 2018 1:51 ... Your boss was right. Send a private message 30 1 Reply
By Beefmaster | 4 #7610127 - Monday 12 March 2018 2:07 Is your boss Micheal Scott? Send a private message 26 0 Reply
By GMSP | 18 #7610128 - Monday 12 March 2018 2:14 First your fiance of 7 years leaves you and now your boss is the Terminator. Sounds a run of the mill B movie to me. Send a private message 4 2 Reply
Reply RichardPencil | 29 #7610149 - Monday 12 March 2018 3:22 Oh, boy. I need to give a seminar on how to do a proper meta comment. Send a private message 7 0 Reply
By RichardPencil | 29 #7610130 - Monday 12 March 2018 2:29 You should have said, “I’ll be back...with my AR-15” and then it will be “Hasta la vista, baby.” At least he didn’t put on orange spray tan and a yellow badger on his head and say “You’re fired.” Send a private message 18 6 Reply
By Dave_Davington | 33 #7610131 - Monday 12 March 2018 2:34 "I know now why you cry. But it is something I can never do." Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By Glowworm56 | 25 #7610133 - Monday 12 March 2018 2:41 If one absolutely must be fired--I think that's a pretty epic way to do so. Send a private message 9 0 Reply
By BasketBallForever293 | 17 #7610159 - Monday 12 March 2018 4:00 If he was going to fire you anyway, why not do it like that? Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By tonyfan00 | 38 #7610174 - Monday 12 March 2018 6:48 *best impresonation of Arnold Schwarzenegger* You got to get out of here NOW!! Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By Lobby_Bee | 17 #7610180 - Monday 12 March 2018 7:10 Did you drive your car through his office afterwards? That's the sensible thing to do. Send a private message 4 2 Reply
Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the... I agree, your life sucks 90 You deserved it 13 1 Comments
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 742 You deserved it 166 4 Comments