Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website... - FML

By diddlysquat - 14/1/2009 08:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12976

You deserved it

53489

Tweet

Share

Breaking Badly

Doomed

Risky business

By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 15:47 - United States - Peachtree City

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36786

You deserved it

16873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/1/2010 01:12 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31903

You deserved it

2648

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/3/2017 22:00

Today, at my engagement party, I overheard my future father-in-law saying he was happy his son was marrying "the dumb, pretty one" because all the "smart ones" he dated at university were "nerds with small tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4487

You deserved it

362

Tweet

Share

By katie876 - 14/1/2012 13:34 - United States

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31051

You deserved it

3391

Tweet

Share

By AbsolutelyEffed - 19/2/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47014

You deserved it

30434

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/1/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33768

You deserved it

14064

Tweet

Share

By jackass - 13/4/2009 10:46 - United States

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15819

You deserved it

82447

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3141

You deserved it

275

Tweet

Share

By pmek - 26/3/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32302

You deserved it

3247

Tweet

Share

By uwotm8 - 24/5/2015 00:58 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17727

You deserved it

25210

Tweet

Share

By Pain_intolerant - 11/3/2011 14:11 - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28376

You deserved it

4964

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2011 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43972

You deserved it

4214

Tweet

Share

By Sam - 1/4/2015 11:37 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27654

You deserved it

3644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/4/2011 07:11 - United Kingdom

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49737

You deserved it

4128

Tweet

Share

By Cherie - 7/12/2010 18:25 - United States

Today, my daughter told my son that Santa is not real. Of course, being a child, he started to cry. My only problem is, my son is 11 and my daughter is 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40084

You deserved it

6789

Tweet

Share

By gotta euthanize em all - 29/11/2014 19:45 - Canada

Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32763

You deserved it

3668

Tweet

Share

By Miriden - 19/7/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30419

You deserved it

7465

Tweet

Share

By choke on a dick, sir - 1/11/2013 22:47 - United States - Portland

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41551

You deserved it

7634

Tweet

Share

By monkeywrench - 30/8/2015 11:29 - Sweden

Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24860

You deserved it

1762

Tweet

Share

By birthdayboy - 19/6/2019 16:22

Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1799

You deserved it

117

Tweet

Share

By tbree - 19/9/2014 22:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44894

You deserved it

4446

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/3/2015 16:42 - United States

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35063

You deserved it

12343

Tweet

Share

By ilik3catz - 1/1/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, while at a family gathering for New Years, my aunt said she needed a flat surface to write on. My dad immediately piped up, "Why don't you use Samantha's chest?" I'm Samantha. I'm also 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37927

You deserved it

3616

Tweet

Share

By collegegrad - 15/10/2013 15:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47624

You deserved it

5560

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/1/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33839

You deserved it

2828

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23260

You deserved it

2445

Tweet

Share

By LonelyGuy - 15/12/2014 11:59 - Australia

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35047

You deserved it

9504

Tweet

Share

By 613tanner - 19/5/2011 05:30

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13439

You deserved it

70107

Tweet

Share

By Laviolette - 23/2/2012 22:01 - France

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12168

You deserved it

39707

Tweet

Share

By imbx - 13/4/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53540

You deserved it

20172

Tweet

Share

By piercednipple - 30/6/2015 16:02 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26948

You deserved it

2737

Tweet

Share

By fmlsrslyahhh - 6/9/2011 19:40 - Singapore

Today, I picked up a lady's dropped wallet and chased after her despite my sprained ankle. When I finally caught up with her, she smashed her chili sauce filled hotdog across my face and kicked me in the groin, accusing me of stealing her wallet. I was kept at the police station for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39417

You deserved it

2780

Tweet

Share

By wish his dad had worn one - 7/6/2014 21:16 - United States - Clinton

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52523

You deserved it

5301

Tweet

Share

By me - 20/12/2010 02:26 - Bulgaria

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26964

You deserved it

5596

Tweet

Share

By shadowsorel - 30/8/2012 20:34 - United States - Chicago

Today, I have a cold, and was stuck sleeping in bed. My roommate decided to wake me up by sticking headphones in my ears and playing heavy metal on full volume. This is the third time this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24211

You deserved it

2622

Tweet

Share

By AmericanAlien - 9/3/2014 02:15 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I've been waiting for a very important document in the mail. It has been two months. I reviewed my application and realized I forgot to put a mailing address down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35865

You deserved it

20011

Tweet

Share

By coldasfire - 29/3/2015 21:18 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27310

You deserved it

2453

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 26/6/2014 04:03 - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47463

You deserved it

5201

Tweet

Share

By cricketsins - 14/5/2015 05:11 - United States

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32438

You deserved it

2566

Tweet

Share

By Oihana - 1/8/2015 03:30 - United States - Greensboro

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29295

You deserved it

1992

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By louisianagrrrrl | 0

#65841 - Sunday 29 March 2009 0:11

well you shouldn't be doing that at work in the first place!

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#218 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:00

high five to your co-worker, snap!

COMMENTS

By greenman_fml | 0

#115 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 13:30

did he take care of it for you?

Reply

assgas | 0

#3655289 - Tuesday 29 November 2011 0:10

I hate you

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#218 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:00

high five to your co-worker, snap!

By Roi_fml | 0

#541 - Saturday 7 February 2009 21:06

Oh, god, that's a good idea.

By maiden_girl | 5

#2349 - Sunday 15 February 2009 14:10

LOL @ #5... I guess your co-worker was trying to encourage you to work rather than participate in cyber-love.

By GamerSavant | 0

#36352 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 3:16

haWt

By musicislife11 | 0

#65719 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:28

hahhahhahahhaah OWNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By louisianagrrrrl | 0

#65841 - Sunday 29 March 2009 0:11

well you shouldn't be doing that at work in the first place!

By 3ree | 0

#104218 - Sunday 12 April 2009 6:35

woulda been funnier if it was your boss, then he fired you

By absoluteZER0 | 0

#173300 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 4:45

That's what you get for doing that at work. xDD

By reinapayasa | 0

#181725 - Saturday 9 May 2009 10:39

what are co-workers for really.