Animals: Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans... - FML

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 466

You deserved it 16 549

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Same thing different taste

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 167

You deserved it 153 024

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 984

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 169

By lbg2msf - 06/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Biloxi

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 839

You deserved it 9 494

Absentmindedly

By Anonymous - 06/09/2022 19:00

Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 1 204

By poopedon - 26/04/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 988

You deserved it 18 147

By Shinobi_3 - 26/02/2010 17:43 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 833

You deserved it 29 322

By shitlicker - 08/12/2015 04:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 177

You deserved it 2 138

Bizarre topping

By Grossed out - 10/11/2021 11:00

Today, I was eating an ice cream on a sidewalk and some woman decided it was time to clip her toenails on her balcony above me. One of the nail shards fell onto my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 93

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 441

You deserved it 931

Next

Top comments

s_l_h82 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 22:14

i literally laughed my face off for at least 10 mins after reading this. Thanks for shairing BAHAHAHAHA

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 18:55

You didn't notice the bird poo on your pants ... ? Anyway, sucks that you licked bird poo. That's totally gross.

Comments

itzProPain 10

Friday 2 September 2011 2:25

So... what did it taste like?

codylicious6 0

Thursday 22 September 2011 0:06

Are you the same person who licked the bird shit off the table when they were at lunch? This FML is worded exactly like that one.

mrssuarez2011 12

Monday 17 October 2011 11:58

Oh dear I laughed so hard at this and usually I don't for potty humor but wow this was just too avoidable..

upsidedownfrownn 5

Thursday 19 January 2012 2:15

Well shit...

RachelPorter 7

Friday 6 April 2012 3:50

That sucks ass!

Jawzx01 7

Tuesday 8 May 2012 5:11

Rotfl!!

nikkipettyfer 24

Wednesday 12 December 2012 5:47

What was the birds diets that day?

raesos91 26

Sunday 10 February 2013 18:06

this made me gag. xP

MklynRsWhlr 6

Monday 23 December 2013 6:26

Hahaha, my little sister was with my family and all that jazz at this ice cream place in Disneyworld, right? She had bird poop on her shoulder and for some reason, she had licked it. Nasty....you're not the only one who has done this....

hellokitty2612 7

Monday 1 September 2014 10:27

hahhaa ydi how can you not tell but still fyl

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Keywords

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 367

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I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 2 739

The Top

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 247

You deserved it 29 562

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 522

You deserved it 4 083

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I agree, your life sucks 44 186

You deserved it 3 658

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 534

You deserved it 1 949

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 207

You deserved it 5 057

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 325

You deserved it 3 976