Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML
Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML
Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML
Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML
Today, I was eating an ice cream on a sidewalk and some woman decided it was time to clip her toenails on her balcony above me. One of the nail shards fell onto my ice cream. FML
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Top comments
s_l_h82 0
i literally laughed my face off for at least 10 mins after reading this. Thanks for shairing BAHAHAHAHA
Dr_Phil 0
You didn't notice the bird poo on your pants ... ? Anyway, sucks that you licked bird poo. That's totally gross.
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Comments (70)
itzProPain 10
So... what did it taste like?
codylicious6 0
Are you the same person who licked the bird shit off the table when they were at lunch? This FML is worded exactly like that one.
mrssuarez2011 12
Oh dear I laughed so hard at this and usually I don't for potty humor but wow this was just too avoidable..
upsidedownfrownn 5
Well shit...
RachelPorter 7
That sucks ass!
Jawzx01 7
Rotfl!!
nikkipettyfer 24
What was the birds diets that day?
raesos91 26
this made me gag. xP
MklynRsWhlr 6
Hahaha, my little sister was with my family and all that jazz at this ice cream place in Disneyworld, right? She had bird poop on her shoulder and for some reason, she had licked it. Nasty....you're not the only one who has done this....
hellokitty2612 7
hahhaa ydi how can you not tell but still fyl