Intimacy: Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral...

By Dontworryaboutit - 28/12/2009 10:16 - United States

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 443

You deserved it 38 916

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Same thing different taste

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 746

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 422

You deserved it 7 538

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 5 531

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 9 503

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 35 751

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 113

You deserved it 23 450

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 927

You deserved it 5 320

Right in the pecker

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 23:01

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 462

Disproportionate response

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 04:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 177

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 643

You deserved it 29 340

KrystleLynn 0

Monday 28 December 2009 17:25

your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.

g3rusz 6

Monday 28 December 2009 16:47

On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...

Comments

Erindub 0

Monday 28 December 2009 19:06

She's gotta go. WOW I had no idea there were ACTUALLY women who won't give oral! Cheat on her with her BFF. She deserves it!

ninja_9881 0

Saturday 25 September 2010 17:55

csn i suck yur dick

taracm 0

Monday 15 November 2010 3:17

who ever said that ignorance is bliss is an idiot.

alphatoomega 21

Thursday 14 February 2013 22:52

Probably a happy idiot, though.

relyo 0

Monday 28 December 2009 19:17

#6 is right. If she won't there are plenty of women out there who will. Besides, she's probably a dike. Remember, if she doesn't suck, she's out of luck. Dump her.

thatsoviciouS 0

Monday 28 December 2009 19:23

Good for her you annoying tweeb!

Jimbo2000 0

Monday 28 December 2009 19:38

Dude, your life is gonna suck, if you stay with her. damn, I usualy get head by the second date

eleni_fml 0

Saturday 10 April 2010 22:44

Doesn't count when you're paying for it.

Zelda9678 11

Saturday 20 August 2016 21:45

O SHIT SAVAGE

zumokari 0

Monday 28 December 2009 19:38

MLIA?

zungg 5

Monday 28 December 2009 19:44

Time to do yoga and then DIY.

mokiwolf 0

Monday 28 December 2009 19:50

Man you guys are some ****** up people with really twisted views on women. Ever consider she has a reason not to give head to a guy? Maybe she was abused when she was younger, maybe she has some sort of jaw problem, or is embarrassed about something. Not every girl likes giving head. It's not my particular favorite thing to do. But, then again, I have a ****** up jaw that won't open all the way so it's very hard. And the taste of semen is disgusting to me. Although, after nine months, it's probably something HE is doing. So, I think he deserves it. Asking for it constantly just makes us want to do it less, or, like she demonstrated, bite it off.