Intimacy: Today, I realized that going back on birth control has made my...

By Anonymous - 09/05/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, I realized that going back on birth control has made my acne go away and my boobs bigger. However, to my boyfriend's dismay, I've completely lost my sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 059

You deserved it 5 213

Intimacy

Leave us alone

Kids will be kids

Leaving makes sense

By Chels - 04/12/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I had an elderly man come to my cash register. His total came to $15.50 He handed me $5 in nickels and dimes. A full roll of quarters. Before I could take the roll, he bust it open, making me count it. After that was all counted he was 50 cents short. So he handed me a $10 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 053

You deserved it 2 923

By inchetogb - 15/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 555

You deserved it 3 399

Enlightened centrism

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 20:01

Today, I asked my right-of-center best friend what exactly he hates about Critical Race Theory. His only coherent answer was, “It’s too critical!” This is my son’s godfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 385

By Gameless Guy - 24/12/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 147

You deserved it 4 090

Thanks for the support!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 30/06/2014 01:25 - United States - Butler

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 953

You deserved it 11 988

By ShutUp007 - 22/11/2014 02:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 033

You deserved it 2 433

Right place, wrong person

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 05:01

Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 005

By Pooper scooper - 28/01/2014 08:22 - Guam - Yigo

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 584

You deserved it 5 625

By brokenrainbow. - 31/12/2009 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 146

You deserved it 5 135

My name is?

By Victoria - 18/09/2019 06:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, while interviewing for a job, I was greeted by the interviewer with a handshake and a greeting of, "Hello Victoria, my name is Bill." I responded with, "Hello. My name is Bill." I think it's safe to assume I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 409

By bad surprise - 26/01/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 7 517

By Anonymous - 25/12/2013 18:27 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a local drag racing spot to get her more involved with my friends. Her ex showed up and wanted to race me. I won the race, but blew my engine. I had to use his dad's towing service to get my car home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 813

You deserved it 14 669

By hawtpinkpanties - 04/05/2009 12:35 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me a gift, something she's never done before. I was excited, until I found out it was one of her overdue library books about dolphins. I feel so loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 751

You deserved it 3 114

By Anonymous - 22/01/2015 06:41 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 395

You deserved it 5 518

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 05:00

Today, I realized how bad my grey hair problem has gotten as I noticed I had grey pubes. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 858

You deserved it 193

By BigPurplePresent - 28/07/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, and tearily asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 941

You deserved it 18 054

By Jeff make - 01/04/2012 14:03 - United States - Malvern

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 366

You deserved it 34 404

Serious times

By GreatBlakWarior - 07/09/2020 08:03 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, after several unsuccessful job interviews, I'm starting to feel emotionally down as both my mum and myself are out of work due to Covid. I even applied as a call centre agent with a friend that offered training. He got accepted and I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 146

You deserved it 218

By mn051299 - 10/02/2016 09:09 - Switzerland - Richterswil

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 315

You deserved it 3 730

By SadAndDeaf - 02/09/2014 23:38

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 644

You deserved it 3 102

By moron - 09/05/2011 17:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 7 479

Summertime sadness

By littl3storm - 09/06/2020 05:04

Today, as a treat to myself for completing my exams, I dyed my hair rainbow. In the process of dyeing my hair, I managed to roll over my foot, causing severe ligament damage in my foot and ankle. It's likely I'll end up with a cast. Goodbye summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 380

By Veronica Rambo - 24/10/2018 17:30

Today, it was my first day going to work with new hours where I'm in the office alone for an hour. I managed to lock myself out without my jacket, my phone, and my keys. It was raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 376

You deserved it 688

By loser - 20/05/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 642

You deserved it 618

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 12:12

Today, my son got an email saying he could win an iPad if he just entered his credit card number. He asked for mine, telling me that it was so he could buy some school supplies online, so I gave it to him. The internet just conned a credit card number out of a 17-year-old nitwit. And me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 959

By Heather - 12/11/2012 21:20 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 046

You deserved it 3 206

By girl_what - 02/09/2018 23:30

Today, my parents informed me that my dad is leaving my mom and moving to Florida from New York tomorrow. I just spent $300 on a new crossbow for his birthday, which is tomorrow, in hopes that he would spend more time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 146

You deserved it 198

In shape

By emmy - 01/04/2021 14:01

Today, even after months of vigorous exercise and diet in an attempt to gain muscle, I have not gained any muscle. Instead, my body is putting fat into the one part of my body I can’t work out: my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 73

By ali grace - 14/05/2011 11:15 - United States

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 361

You deserved it 17 876

By Sam - 01/04/2015 11:37 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 702

You deserved it 3 664

By rained - 02/02/2009 05:44 - Hong Kong

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 356

You deserved it 7 662

By floggingnasty - 13/02/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 765

You deserved it 2 817

By Aprilfools - 12/04/2009 10:47 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 894

You deserved it 7 946

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 008

You deserved it 13 482

By ohhhjaymo13 - 05/02/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 612

You deserved it 3 352

By babydoll - 12/10/2010 09:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 957

You deserved it 8 334

By NightHawk4926 - 09/09/2015 22:15 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 283

You deserved it 1 731

By thisisavirus.exe - 31/12/2013 20:57 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 133

You deserved it 5 517

Freudian intensifies

By mouthwash - 11/11/2014 05:05 - United States - Gallipolis

Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 693

You deserved it 4 592

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Top comments

nickiloo22 0

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Sunday 9 May 2010 23:38

that'll happen. talk to your doctor and change pills until you find one that works. good luck :)

NEcountryboy 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:36

tell your bf he's gotta lick it before he can stick it, that'll get the juice flowing!

blakehilli8 0

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Sunday 9 May 2010 23:36

first

olivesaur 0

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Sunday 9 May 2010 23:39

I hope youre happy because you're first. Fuck him sweetie and get another bf.

epoh_fml 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 2:04

blegh or quit birth control. I had this problem with numerous birth controls and other medical issues caused by the birth controls. I had to stop taking them eventually because the issues were so severe. I'm much happier and healthier when I'm free of artificial hormones (but I'm also pregnant lol).

ur2nvthis85 3

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Monday 11 October 2010 14:38

lmao!

FMLRevoluSean 0

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Sunday 9 May 2010 23:52

Can you still cook, clean, and make sandwiches? lol jk no offence

debiasio69696969 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:39

Fuck him 10 times a day. In the shower too =)

FMLRevoluSean 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:45

Well op if you know longer enjoy sex you should do the opposite of most girls and get him to cum faster then you can fuck him 3x a day in 5 minutes total. Or just treat sex as a workout and burn those calories so you won't get too fat.

debiasio69696969 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:47

21 knows whatsup

FMLRevoluSean 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:51

Yeah if you need to burn a few calories I can help you out.

imaginaryvoice 18

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:02

rofl are you saying she looks like she should burn more calories?

debiasio69696969 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:06

I'm 99 pounds , asshole =(

Notjustanother1 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:11

i'm a call you flipper

Notjustanother1 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:13

I'm gonna call you flipper WTF fuck antiflood

CvBobo 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:40

I monitered this :)

FMLRevoluSean 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:55

I said if that means youre not fat and I can tell by your pic you're not.

silvermoonstar3 3

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Monday 10 May 2010 2:26

I see some dumb comments, but that is a really common side effect of the pill. I fail to see how 'getting another boyfriend' would help. It's a chemical thing. If you do have sex a bit more than you feel like, you start feeling like having it more, though. If it's a problem, I suggest that. If not, there's not really an FML here.

hollee 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 2:44

ok now I know why u irritate me, ur obviously not 99 lbs. u don't look anywhere close to that sweetie. if ur gonna lie, try and make it at least somewhat believable. and pretending ur skeletal is not even cute.

waimcyked10 4

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Monday 10 May 2010 3:15

I'm with 41 on this one.

PrototypeMind 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 3:58

very true man. very true.

OhEmGee5 2

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Monday 10 May 2010 4:05

you can't be 99 pounds. I thought i saw in another fml that you were 116? hmm.

u_killed_kenny_ 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 4:42

time to slip the dick...

dpn91494 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 5:09

lol I did to. someone is insecure about themself.

skelator 3

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Monday 10 May 2010 6:12

srry if it double posts but it disapeared... although I don't agree you are 99 pounds you are definately not fat. you're very pretty and I think he meant he wants sex with you, ratherthan burning calories.

Allybuns 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 7:33

#32 you watched this fml all day? how boring. XD

kcodner 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 8:21

41- thanks! someone had to do it ;) 99 pounds isn't even attractive #1 and #2 why wouldnt she round up to 100 pounds looool too funny

ladiesman14 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 9:54

i would spank your butt real hard and then squezze it real hard too. maybe you need a good warm up to get u in the mood.

rohosoccer08 1

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Tuesday 11 May 2010 3:39

I had that problem on yaz... my husband hated it so I got off it and ... result condoms... result from that, our daughter, so it worked out perfect

Fuzzywuz 0

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Tuesday 11 May 2010 4:59

agreed

firegirl1993 21

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Thursday 8 July 2010 0:55

well if you lost ur desire for sex then no baby. I guess it's doing it's job, rofl, but still fyl

ticklemechantell 0

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Sunday 9 May 2010 23:36

haha sucks for you =P experiment and make thngs exciting.

_ultraviolet 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 7:09

18, win.

nickiloo22 0

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Sunday 9 May 2010 23:38

that'll happen. talk to your doctor and change pills until you find one that works. good luck :)

omgmorganomg 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:00

3-might want to reword, unless you actually mean that xD

omgmorganomg 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:04

3- you might want to reword, unless you actually mean that xD

omgmorganomg 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:10

what the....? sorry there was a different #3 who said something else...and why did my comment post twice...?

korn247 5

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:07

fuck his life and you stay on the pill! it obviously does more than he can for you

seanders 10

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:54

Just take a naughty nude pic for him, since he has something to beat off to now.

ladiesman14 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 3:54

i would tickle you with my beard then spank you Real Hard on your A*S or play the choking game to get you in the mood.

spktr 1

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Sunday 9 May 2010 23:46

viagra

IchBeinEinTier 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:22

the girl lost her sex drive, not him.

JayD17 0

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Thursday 20 October 2011 8:41

Viagra's like... the complete opposite of birth control pills

Gourmet_Taco 0

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Sunday 9 May 2010 23:48

Aww poor bf. Dreams shattered.

CCrunner2 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 4:33

Amen to that

ImaginaryFoe 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 0:12

Fake it till you make it. The more you have sex, the more you want it. You may want to talk to your doctor though. Not all pills have the same side effects.