Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend's ex. I decided to be a good person and hold the door for her as we walked into the store. She decided to be the bitch she is and stomp on my foot as she walked through the open doorway. FML
Today, I saw my ex and his new girlfriend walking towards me. To make things less awkward, I tried to be cool and give him a high five. He misjudged and went for a fist bump. I ended up slapping his hand, and it felt like it lasted forever, all while she just smirked at me. FML
Today, I ran into my ex at our local supermarket. Trying to be aloof, I waved casually, but I misjudged the distance and knocked over a display of canned beans. My ex just stood there, laughing, while I scrambled to rearrange up my mess. FML
Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML
Today, I proposed to the girl of my dreams. She asked me who I was, and maced me. FML
Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML
Today, I ran into an old friend of mine at the store. All was going fine, until she showed me her new fiancé. My now ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 4 years ago. Turns out she hasn’t found love again since I broke it off with her for her best friend. She’s not the bubbly, cheery girl I met before. I can’t help but feel like an asshole. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Really? She hit you with a mace? Where does one buy a big spiked iron ball on a stick these days? I could really use one.
Ambient25 25
You should put her number on Craigslist
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Comments (143)
kthsdm 12
Tried the same thing once with my ex. Screamed and created a scene like I was trying to rape her.
purebliss_fml 19
Your ex seems to be the sadistic type. Try to avoid her from now on...
swordidfate 13
Assault charges incoming
BobbieH 19
While that's a wild over action and technically its assault, I have to ask you why you went up to her in the first place. The way you stated it you could have just ignored her presence and avoided any sort of interaction. Assuming you should have known she had no interest in interacting with you, that would have been the more mature option.
CheeseHater 23
It should be illegal to walk around with mace, because I have heard so many stories of misuse and this has to top the list. Still, I find it weird that you would go up to her, just throw her a casual nod and be on your way.
worldclassrager 41
It's good to see doc bastard again... But anyway...hard feelings don't die easy no matter the circumstances she's your ex for a reason...my run ins with my ex's don't go that well either..,
carminecris89 13
Saying passive aggressive things like "being the mature one" makes me think you are probably not the nicest guy alive. I'm betting there's more to this story, or that your overly high opinion of your self is only a small indicator of what a shitty boyfriend you were. YDI.
BigSexy123 11
Maybe he's just upset because he got friggin' pepper sprayed. I would've been upset, too.
ileenefudge 29
I have to agree with 78 because we don't know the whole story and because of how it was written. When I broke up with my sons dad he told bits and pieces to make it seem like I did him wrong even though he was the one who cheated on me, but it was my fault for kicking him out apparently. What if OP was a bad boyfriend and she still holds resentment, and he's only telling enough to make it seem like she's the only one who was in the wrong(obviously she was outa line with the pepper spray) during the relationship? But on the other hand if she is that crazy and this is the whole story, than I'd stay away from her and just keep to myself when she comes around.
Jirekianu2 19
Because guys always do something to deserve it. Women never are psychotically violent at all. (And I doubt any of you would say "she deserved it" if it was him macing her and she was tyrranically abusive in their relationship)
ileenefudge 29
No guys are not always the reason. Girls can and are psychotic sometimes and obliviously there are many that would say in that seance he is still the one who messed up but there are still people out there who would still put judgement on the ex girlfriend. I for one was not trying to take sides with his ex, but I also feel like there might be a little more to the story than is being told. It would help if OP replied on this one to clarify since you can't always tell the full story when writing an FML.
BradTheBrony 19
He doesn't mean exactly what he said. What he meant was: "You guys wouldn't say she deserved it if it was her getting pepper sprayed and you didn't know the whole story." And it's true, don't try to deny it. That NEVER happens with girls. Only when a guy is assaulted by their ex do you idiots just assume the worst. And anyways, you're COMPLETELY going against what you just said by saying "Oh, we don't know the whole story, so don't assume anything and vote based on that. Now, I'ma assume the worst and vote based on that." and for that, I ******* despise you.
Quiet_one 22
Unless it was a clearly amicable break up (as in, you both mutually agreed it was for the best), you should just assume she doesn't want to talk to you. Macing you is a big overreaction, but did you really expect her to want to make small talk? I don't know what I would have done if my ex had tried to talk to me in the weeks following our break up, but it wouldn't have been pretty. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have assaulted him (physically), but I guarantee I wouldn't have been nice or even civil. Rejection brings out an ugly side to people. YDI, you should have known better and left her alone.
Quiet_one 22
To clarify, I don't think you deserved the mace (that's crazy and stupid no matter how angry she is), but if you were smart you would have just nodded at her from a reasonable distance, said "hi" and kept going, or better yet just ignored her completely.
InvisibleMonster_fml 16
You should've just kept on walking.
mattorama 15
They broke up for a reason, what does he have to gain by talking to her? Yep, just keep on walking.
bigbob92 6
Don't skip out on child support next time.
blackrose84 4
I can't tell if you're trying to be funny or just misread the FML.