Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying,...

By BoldMoveCotton - 15/6/2016 21:30 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML

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Work

Messed up

How's your hovel?

A beautiful truck decoration

By annoym - 21/2/2012 11:49 - United States

Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2013 21:02 - Bulgaria - Batanovci

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

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By lilou - 3/1/2009 01:22 - France

Today, at 7 in the morning, I end up outside in a night dress, with bare feet and in the rain. I've just found out that my two year old son now knows how to close the patio door, which of course, has no outside door handle. FML

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By babydoll13211 - 4/9/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked. Then said "You know he can't swim right?" FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2017 22:00

Today, while working as a line cook, one of the servers sincerely asked me, "What sauce goes on a chicken bacon ranch sandwich?" I replied, a little incredulously I'll admit, "…Ranch." She then totally lost her cool and went full-blown adult temper tantrum because I was, "mean to her." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

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By mylove - 1/5/2009 02:50 - United States

Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 16:00 - United States

Today, I helped this guy get into his truck after he'd locked his keys in it, and he said thank you and went on his way. Ten minutes later, a woman came out of the grocery store and freaked out, saying someone stole her truck. I helped a guy steal a truck. FML

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By buymeadrank - 30/4/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML

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By Waheyyy - 7/9/2009 19:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

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By Macdaddy - 5/12/2008 12:49 - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

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By frustrated - 11/7/2013 04:52 - United States - Antioch

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

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By Hayleey_079 - 18/2/2010 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a picture fell off of the wall in the middle of the night. It hit me smack bang in the middle of face. FML

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By 464424 - 5/5/2012 06:24 - United States - Dayton

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

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By Nope - 5/3/2012 09:42 - China

Today, I defended the dried up things in the cup noodles as being real vegetables, just so that it would appear that I do actually eat vegetables. FML

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By Thanksalot - 30/11/2013 05:58 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

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By Daddy. - 17/2/2010 08:15 - Australia

Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML

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By meranda_johnson - 13/12/2012 08:58 - United States

Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML

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By RePete - 4/11/2016 01:44

Today, thanks to downsizing and corporate restructuring, I was "promoted" to the entry level position I had 10 years ago. FML

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By be_so_slick_56 - 16/1/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2013 20:42 - United States - Lombard

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

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By Oreo - 10/5/2016 08:58

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

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By coffeeshopgirl - 8/5/2012 00:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 05:29 - United States - Madison

Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML

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By strokingitasitype - 7/4/2012 19:12 - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

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By Tj Hunt - 5/11/2012 03:26 - United States

Today, in the middle of a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me. She said no. The rest of the ride was the most awkward 2 hours of my life. FML

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By verasam01 - 25/2/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

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By Muina - 23/10/2015 11:08 - Morocco - Mekn?s

Today, I got mugged for my phone. I stupidly offered to give the guy my money if he'd let me keep my phone. He took both. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water only to see my 75 year old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asks me if we have any coffee creamer. FML

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By stalker - 27/9/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

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By arrow - 23/2/2016 20:39 - United States - Pomona

Today, the officers of my archery club forgot to check if anybody was behind the targets looking for arrows. I got hit in the leg. FML

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By Caution - 2/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 02:53 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

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By KayIsKiwi99 - 29/8/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

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By missionfailed - 1/11/2017 05:26

Today, I took my dog back to the vet because her face was completely swollen and her stomach was bright red and blotchy. It's obviously the medication she just started, but my vet doesn't believe dogs have allergic reactions. It's the only vet in the area. FML

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By Ya_I_said_it - 26/7/2016 15:31

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

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By LetsMakeLove - 10/6/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

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By thedudeman14 - 5/11/2014 22:21 - United States - Deer Park

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

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Top comments

By MandyO | 15

#6629347 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:33

What kind of response were you expecting?

By Rogher | 7

#6629356 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:39

Was he supposed to say no?

COMMENTS

By daniel271 | 13

#6629333 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:14

Well damn

By lolnothanks | 18

#6629334 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:15

Well it could have been worse...

By kaydrippy | 11

#6629337 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:17

Dude noooooooo never over the phone..

ruby64329 | 6

#6629746 - Friday 17 June 2016 2:25

That's most likely the reason they responded that way... OP kinda brought it on himself..

By MandyO | 15

#6629347 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:33

What kind of response were you expecting?

TheTacoMan | 24

#6629866 - Friday 17 June 2016 5:02

"Oh no! What a shame! How will we EVER live without you!? This business will surely cease to exist without you here!"

By Suffolk_yourself | 8

#6629350 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:34

Sorry OP, that sort of thing should be done by letter, that's probably part of the reason why your boss responded that way

sundogjr51 | 1

#6630623 - Saturday 18 June 2016 3:51

Or in person

By Rogher | 7

#6629356 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:39

Was he supposed to say no?

By ShortieRose | 30

#6629379 - Thursday 16 June 2016 13:15

What were you expecting? Your boss to beg you to stay, after you gave notice over the phone? No one is irreplaceable in the workplace!

By james_logan | 19

#6629395 - Thursday 16 June 2016 13:59

That's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see of it pays off for him.

Beckei | 18

#6629451 - Thursday 16 June 2016 15:24

Effin A, Cotton, effin A!

By TabooSushi | 24

#6629400 - Thursday 16 June 2016 14:17

Workforce Rule Number One: You are not as indispensable as you think you are.

By dontknow1 | 19

#6629419 - Thursday 16 June 2016 14:44

Of course he said that, with the economy right now there are a lot of people wanting your position.