Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying,...

By BoldMoveCotton - 15/6/2016 21:30 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML

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Work

Superficial World

DINOSAURS!!

The student becomes the master

By timmyb - 2/3/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, i walked into starbucks for a job application. I asked the manager if they were hiring, I really need a job. He looked me up and down and replied, " NO". There was a 'now hiring' sign in the window. FML

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By anonymous - 20/8/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2013 23:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

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By Casper - 11/2/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, a flight attendant asked me if I was airsick because I looked really pale. I told her that was my normal complexion but thanked her for her concern. She insisted "No, that can't be normal." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 23:26

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

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By SSH - 18/1/2009 12:41 - United States

Today, I just got done reading all the healthy benefits that come with sex. One of them is higher self-esteem. Then I remembered that I haven't had sex in 15 months. FML

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By meeeee! - 2/3/2015 13:26 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

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By thanks a lot mom - 28/12/2015 06:52 - United States - Sloughhouse

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

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By IHateSchool-.- - 11/12/2014 23:13 - United States

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

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By BadGirlfriend12 - 30/7/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

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By YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND - 17/8/2015 20:14 - Canada

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

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By happy21sttome - 15/6/2015 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, after 5 years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to 6 angry texts about how I'm 'selfish' for not staying at home with my family. FML

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By Ignorant - 7/10/2017 06:00

Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML

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By rugernut13 - 16/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

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By bizzyizzy0121 - 21/11/2011 06:28 - United States

Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML

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By theyre not THAT big. - 1/7/2013 04:35 - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2013 04:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. They were having signings, but only the first one hundred could get one. When I finally got to the desk, they said I was number hundred and one, and to get lost. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

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By annoyed - 19/12/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

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By buttsmcgee - 22/11/2016 07:05 - United States - Roseburg

Today, we finally got paperwork saying we were approved for a loan to buy a house! The only problem? It's not eligible for the county we live in. FML

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By GasFromThePast - 24/11/2018 16:40 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything and then left to seek help. I was told to call 911, which resulted in two firetrucks and 10+ firefighters, one of which was my high school sweetheart, entering my messy apartment and finding nothing wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2012 05:25 - United States - Astoria

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

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By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

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By arirx12 - 25/2/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

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By sisterofthebride - 3/10/2014 20:22 - United States

Today, my sister and her new husband invited our family and my fiancé over to look at their wedding pictures. Turns out, I caught the bouquet and flashed the world in the process. FML

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By Marcowalker95 - 7/8/2012 04:16 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

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By Noname - 28/2/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

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By homealone - 3/5/2012 04:39 - Canada

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

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By Bart - 3/7/2015 04:32 - France - Lille

Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML

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By skanula414 - 31/12/2015 19:00 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2019 22:00

Today, the speaker I ordered from the distant country of America arrived. This is after it was held up by local customs, who demanded I pay no small amount for the import duty. Upon unboxing, I found out it was actually made in my own country. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

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By CatLady - 9/6/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

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By tawan - 4/12/2009 16:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2017 06:00

Today, I learned that my husband is attracted to obese, unhealthy women after celebrating my weight loss of 175lbs and improving my overall health. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2019 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

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By tooearly - 1/1/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2012 02:11 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

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By deerslayer559 - 27/9/2017 23:14

Today, while playing golf, I hit my ball near some tall grass along the edge of the water. Unbeknownst to me, there was an alligator hiding in the grass. He growled at me during my shot, causing me to put the ball directly into the pond. Alligator: 1 Me: 0. FML

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Top comments

By MandyO | 15

#6629347 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:33

What kind of response were you expecting?

By Rogher | 7

#6629356 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:39

Was he supposed to say no?

Comments

By daniel271 | 13

#6629333 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:14

Well damn

By lolnothanks | 18

#6629334 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:15

Well it could have been worse...

By kaydrippy | 11

#6629337 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:17

Dude noooooooo never over the phone..

ruby64329 | 6

#6629746 - Friday 17 June 2016 2:25

That's most likely the reason they responded that way... OP kinda brought it on himself..

By MandyO | 15

#6629347 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:33

What kind of response were you expecting?

TheTacoMan | 24

#6629866 - Friday 17 June 2016 5:02

"Oh no! What a shame! How will we EVER live without you!? This business will surely cease to exist without you here!"

By Suffolk_yourself | 8

#6629350 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:34

Sorry OP, that sort of thing should be done by letter, that's probably part of the reason why your boss responded that way

sundogjr51 | 1

#6630623 - Saturday 18 June 2016 3:51

Or in person

By Rogher | 7

#6629356 - Thursday 16 June 2016 12:39

Was he supposed to say no?

By ShortieRose | 30

#6629379 - Thursday 16 June 2016 13:15

What were you expecting? Your boss to beg you to stay, after you gave notice over the phone? No one is irreplaceable in the workplace!

By james_logan | 19

#6629395 - Thursday 16 June 2016 13:59

That's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see of it pays off for him.

Beckei | 18

#6629451 - Thursday 16 June 2016 15:24

Effin A, Cotton, effin A!

By TabooSushi | 24

#6629400 - Thursday 16 June 2016 14:17

Workforce Rule Number One: You are not as indispensable as you think you are.

By dontknow1 | 19

#6629419 - Thursday 16 June 2016 14:44

Of course he said that, with the economy right now there are a lot of people wanting your position.