Today, my mom walked out on me, abandoning her 16-year-old and...

By disappointment

Today, my mom walked out on me, abandoning her 16-year-old and taking $100 and a dog, all because I refused to wear women's panties. I would have been perfectly fine wearing them if I weren't a man. FML

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There's no helping some people

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By lol123 - Norway

Today, it was the premiere of a huge play I've worked on for months. The latest week we've practised a lot, resulting in little sleep. In one of the scenes I'm just lying there pretending to be asleep. Guess who actually fell asleep? FML

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48613

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me for a chick I shared a hospital room with for 2 months. I introduced them. FML

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39626

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By Gremlin - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML

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22810

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By Anonymous - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

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50489

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By MR - United Kingdom

Today, my mum decided to teach me a lesson about carelessly leaving my wallet about. She left it on the floor so our puppy could use it and its contents as a chew toy. I was almost impressed to discover that he can eat three £20 notes and still have room for debit cards. FML

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27949

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By life_suxxx - United States

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

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33442

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By troublewithbleach - United States

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

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35353

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By JK710 - United States

Today, I discovered that the hearing in my left ear is still good. I haven't been able to hear that well out of it for 2 weeks and I thought I popped an eardrum and waited for it to heal. I stuck a Q-Tip in there to clean it out. Turns out there was actually a dead fly in my ear. For 2 weeks. FML

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59114

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By WestboroBC - United States

Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML

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7410

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By Daria_Weiner - Russian Federation

Today, at my anniversary party and in front of all our friends, I accidentally called my husband-to-be by my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

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16407

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By Anonymoosey - Canada

Relax

Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML

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35135

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By lurna301 - United States - Glendale

Today, my boyfriend's mother introduced me as his "friend". We've been together for 10 years. FML

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31623

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By blovesg - United States

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

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41251

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By icanunderstand - Russian Federation

Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML

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54085

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

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42743

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By TheBRADLeyB - United States

Today, I was going 73 in a 55 on a country road when an oncoming cop passed me. He pulled a U turn. I turned off the main road and took random turns. I got lost, was 30 minutes late to work, and the cop still found me and gave me two tickets. I had to ask him for directions. FML

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12532

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By crazyclumzy - Canada

Today, I had lunch with a co-worker, and after having a good talk and enjoying each others company, we got up to leave. Right before we said goodbye, she looked me right in the face and looking legitimately confused said "you know, I really don't understand why no one at work likes you." FML

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32987

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By Goatkvlt - France

Today, my electric razor fell flat right after I had finished with my first cheek. And of course I don't have a manual one. FML

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25654

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By ApolloandDixie - United States

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

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10168

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By ihatewalmart - United States

Today, while at work, I witnessed a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said "yep... that just happened" and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

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27836

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By Anonymous - United States - Somerset

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

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39579

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By Tiana - United States

Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML

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12955

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By Almost_Homeless - Canada - London

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

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46883

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By sexychica - United States

Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 22:58

Stubborn

Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML

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1110

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

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36452

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By beachbumb8538 - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

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31636

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By joolsie - United Kingdom

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

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51717

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By Anonymous - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, my boss decided that, because I got dragged into a vacation that I didn't even want to go on, she was going to take a promotion back before she even gave it to me. I don't know what's worse, losing the promotion or going on that crappy vacation. FML

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18253

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Santa Monica

She used me

Today, I discovered my friend will be upstaging my birthday by hosting another birthday party shortly afterwards. Not for her of course, but in honor of her favorite actor. FML

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1675

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By mike4444 - France

Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML

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13613

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML

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41031

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

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37399

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By joshua - United States

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

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28611

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By fannylover - United States

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

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35979

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Tipton

Today, my mom told me all about how I was conceived in a Disney Land toilet. FML

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46516

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By Rellies

Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML

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1929

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By Eh... - Ukraine

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

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53266

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By ohgodwhyyoufreaks - United States - Moorhead

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

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49572

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By breakmyfall - 15/11/2020 02:02

They're still books, technically

Today my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she, "only read good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Grey and the Twilight Saga. FML

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7637072 - Monday 21 May 2018 1:24

Why is your mom trying to get you to wear women's panties? What kind of relationship do you have?

By ChromoTec | 24

#7636707 - Saturday 19 May 2018 22:30

This is the first time I've heard someone FMLing about NOT being trans

COMMENTS

By ChromoTec | 24

#7636707 - Saturday 19 May 2018 22:30

This is the first time I've heard someone FMLing about NOT being trans

SneezyBear | 27

#7643987 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 0:20

What if OP is trans and is a trans man? That might explain the mum's bizarre behaviour (doesn't justify it though)

tounces7 | 27

#7644331 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 17:35

They probably would have specified if they were Trans, because that would explain things better. I think they're Cis male which is what makes it so weird.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7637072 - Monday 21 May 2018 1:24

Why is your mom trying to get you to wear women's panties? What kind of relationship do you have?

protoskore | 26

#7644402 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 19:57

one possibility is that they're poor, the mom is trying to save money on underclothes and assumes the child wouldn't mind since nobody sees the underwear outside the home.