Today, I’m close to my 44th birthday. I married the girl of my... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Anonymous - 08/11/2022 00:20 - United States - El Paso

Today, I’m close to my 44th birthday. I married the girl of my dreams who loves clutter. Our son makes straight As but can’t listen to any instructions. Our two new dogs chew anything they can find, and no one puts anything away. Why was I born? FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 82

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

No comments yet.

Comments

No comments yet.

Keywords

Management Work Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Health Relatable Healthy Lifestyle Birthday Family Money Mother in law Gifts Parents Public freakouts Education Students Exams Pranks Weird Love Argument AITA Insects Fear Cats Skincare Job interview Jealousy Coworkers

The Top

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 429

You deserved it 4 436

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before, but they usually leave early. I heard someone in the kitchen and, thinking it was my brother, I said, "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma then responded, "No, we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 496

You deserved it 74 249

The Top

Today, for the first time in at least two years, the temperature exceeded 100 degrees in my area. Except this time, it nearly hit 110. Even with my fan and air conditioner on the highest setting, my room was still burning hot. It's currently 11pm and the temperature has gone down… to 81 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 130

Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "Is the tiny one in your pants?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 749

You deserved it 2 221

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 972

You deserved it 45 786

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 550

You deserved it 5 356

Today, on my second week in my new job, I opened my desk drawer of snacks. Apparently no one had bothered to tell me that there's an office rat or mouse that the building management refuses to do anything about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 350

You deserved it 498

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 182

You deserved it 12 628