Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML
Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML
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Top comments
Zack6849 8
How the hell did a toy hand get up your dog's ass? on second thought, don't want to know.
Chelsea_bella 20
You got the shit slapped out of you while at the same time, getting the shit slapped onto you.
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Comments (120)
graceinsheepwear 34
Hope OP promptly reads your advice that the next step is to clean face; who knows when he/she would have thought of that!
Louiev82 8
Talk about getting shit faced.. Lol fyl op
lininnes 6
It definitely does !! Sorry for you OP but imagining what's happening really makes me lmao !!!
buddy51 23
I've got to hand it to you, OP, you've played your hole card and made doggie brown eye give you the blues!
woiz 11
KINKY!
jw90 18
A stretchy toy hand? The hell?
AngrySailor 17
Yeah we had those when I was a kid. The sticky little hands with about a two foot stretchy part. This is what I'm picturing the dog ate, not a giant silicone fist up its ass.
soFREAKED 13
.. ..how did it get there!?!?!?! o.O
AliceAristocrat 12
the dog probably ate it and it didn't...um...well it probably didn't get digested and yeah. That.
barlos88 19
(Borat voice)"high five!"
SiegeOfTheSiren 9
It seems you have experienced a butthurt.
ScenicSubterfuge 39
Wow. That's probably one of the most disgusting FMLs I've ever read. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps. So sorry OP.