Miscellaneous: Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 21:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 369

You deserved it 8 526

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Same thing different taste

Manchild

By lilshoobydoo14 - 15/10/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 489

You deserved it 4 333

By Person - 11/11/2016 02:04

Today, my cousin invited me to an event that would be on Saturday night. The first thing I did after she texted me was ask my mom if I could go. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 447

You deserved it 2 237

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 460

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 549

You deserved it 569

Smart move

By Triedtobecool - 06/04/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 972

You deserved it 99 931

Self report

By Anonymous - 25/05/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said, "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 024

You deserved it 5 524

By letstradefamilies - 21/12/2015 21:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 372

You deserved it 1 835

By Robert - 28/12/2017 01:30

Today, my girlfriend's mother invited me to her 18th birthday. She lied about her age. I have been screwing a minor for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 757

You deserved it 2 089

By Michelle - 15/08/2011 08:15 - United States

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 203

You deserved it 23 183

Bad seed

By Anonymous - 05/09/2022 22:00 - United States - Worcester

Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 321

Next

Top comments

fatman1970 25

Tuesday 20 October 2015 10:13

Your 24? Surely you have the right to meet whatever boys you want.

imnotc00l 10

Tuesday 20 October 2015 10:15

If your parents aren't allowing you to live your life it might be time to try and move out.

Comments

rvontr88 21

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:01

Seriously? Grow up. If you're gay, it's time to come out and move out. If you're straigh, yeah it's just time to grow up and start dating men...

cheeeksss 29

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:15

What? What does sexual orientation have to do with this?

odamaliekh 26

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:43

#15, don't be such a douche.

alvarny 17

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:05

it depends, are you a boy or a girl and does your parent know...

militarybrat 21

Wednesday 21 October 2015 5:43

Why does it matter if op is a boy or girl? Answer: it DOESNT.

cassidi24 10

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:06

Haha I kinda know how that feels. I'm 21 and am moving out into my own house but I'm still not allowed I have a guy over while living at my parents house. Gotta love em!

jvanevery 19

Wednesday 21 October 2015 20:11

it all depends I would have been very awkward about a strange young man suddenly appearing in my house in the morning if on the other hand were talking about your long-term squeeze that everybody knows it wouldn't be so awkward

xx000o 27

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:22

Somebody needs to grow up, and/or get some "balls"

Zharroth 4

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:25

Sounds like a little monster

Jets4Life89 4

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:31

So umm....tell your ******* mom that?

HitmanKillsYou 13

Tuesday 20 October 2015 12:40

sounds to me like your brother has shitty taste in video games.

TheGingerKang 3

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:17

Sounds like you've never played Halo. Sounds like you're judging it before even knowing it. SOUNDS like you're a dick.

CharismaGeek 19

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:40

SOUNDS LIKE you're a butthurt Halo fan.

TheGingerKang 3

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:49

Sounds like you only have an insulting way to describe me. My ass isn't hurting so your statement is inaccurate. I can defend what I enjoy.

GrymReefer420 9

Friday 23 October 2015 6:17

halo is one of the greatest video game franchises ever. sounds like you're a disgruntled PlayStation owner.

kuro21 20

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:09

Does anyone think that maybe OP is gay and hasn't told his parents yet?

mads_fml 7

Tuesday 20 October 2015 15:16

I thought about that

am_bugg 20

Tuesday 20 October 2015 16:35

That was my first thought actually.

warped_executive 16

Tuesday 20 October 2015 13:45

Cod ftw tho

dragoongirl90 34

Wednesday 21 October 2015 6:14

Really? CoD is a great game. HALO is an equally great game, in different ways. Shut your loose hole before someone sticks in something you don't want in there, fanaticgirl.

TheGingerKang 3

Wednesday 21 October 2015 6:40

Arguments like these are why gamers all hate each other for different tastes.

warped_executive 16

Wednesday 21 October 2015 14:06

Lol shut the **** up wow

GrymReefer420 9

Friday 23 October 2015 6:20

yeh cod is sooooo good.... they put the same game out like twice a year....

FuckThisLogin 32

Tuesday 20 October 2015 14:35

Damn, I wish I got free shit for no reason :(

countryb_cth 38

Tuesday 20 October 2015 23:35

Start blackmailing people. It may back fire but hey, free stuff.

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The Top

Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 030

You deserved it 704

Today, it's been a year since my wife agreed to an open marriage. A friend said at the time that she would get a lot more sex than me, and would end up leaving me. I ignored him because he's a basement dwelling Trump supporter who's never had a girlfriend. Turns out he was completely right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 928

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 14 790

You deserved it 38 302

Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 799

You deserved it 7 308

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explainable stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 147

You deserved it 3 434

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 552

You deserved it 70 594

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 997

You deserved it 4 478

Today, my girlfriend and I found out that if I'm tickled it causes me to have a panic attack until I cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 720

You deserved it 1 218