Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I woke up with a headache and a bruised forehead after my husband full-force elbowed me in the head last night in his sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact he has zero memory of doing it. FML
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Top comments
Olympiakos10 15
Atleast you didn't stab the muggers in your dream ;]
ty7in_topic 31
Why doesn't your wife tell them that your story's true OP. I'm sure they'll believe the story if she says it.
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Comments (99)
cookie1207 19
I don't belive you either! Probably you just made up this story to show to ppl! YDI
flashback_fml 14
I don't believe your story either
killerday97 1
You don't need a tank top to be a "Wife Beater"
bigpops 12
this (or a variation of it) will happen in all marriages if they last long enough. as far as walking into a door I always thought that was b.s. until I walked into one one night.everyone gave my wife a hard time about it..I was an ass for awhile and let her squirm,but she made me pay later.
HeatherAS77 10
My hubby's a 3rd degree black belt & when we 1st got together he hadn't been out of it very long. One night he dreamed he was in a tournament & I caught a fist. He used to talk in Korean in his sleep too. It's a funny story now, hopefully someday she'll find yours funny too!!
ktiskool 18
This happened to my parents too!
djinnyf 12
My ex got me headlocked, before he woke up and explained to me just "how hard" he fought the guy in his dream... Yeah.... I kinda noticed....
The_9th_Doctor 18
could just tell everyone you two have real kinky sex
Gumby9o5 7
Happened to me twice with different girls :/
worldclassrager 41
Can't she defend your story or make it true I would think your wife would rather have the truth made known instead of a lie I guess I can call it...