By karmaplz - 23/02/2011 14:26 - United States
I agree, your life sucks
32 529
You deserved it
20 674
karmaplz tells us more.
I feel the need to clear up some of this discussion! First of all--thanks to all these anon. people for defending me. I honestly submitted this immediately after getting the phone call @ 8:30 am, never thinking it'd be posted. Secondly-- is he a bad guy? No. I'm sure if being a cop is what he wants to do, and has his heart in it, he'll do great at his job. As far as the disrespect: it got to a point where I wasn't valued as a person, and some very vulgar, vile, rude and hurtful things were said/done to me, that wouldn't have been done if I was respected for who I am. If I was seen as a human with a heart and feelings, these things wouldn't have been done. Can I say that this will never happen to another female? No. Do I think he's pure evil? No. Saying bad things would have been purely vengeful and ruined a potential career. Also, I wasn't listed a reference, they required names and phone numbers of "significant relationships"--- I was asked if there was ever an assault between us, and about his moral character. That's it. I've had a seriously great laugh over realizing this was actually posted, and loved reading all the comments. Thanks!
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wow you're nice
If he didn't ask permission to use you as a reference, you are under no obligation to say anything about him at all. If another job calls for him, just say "He didn't ask my permission to use my name and I am not comfortable referring him because of that," and leave it at that. If you gave him permission, YDI.
Your own damn fault. YDI for not telling the truth. You don't EVER tell people or even employers that he's the best and wonderful person around if your boyfriend treats you and other people like shit. You should've spoken up about how he REALLY interacts with others. That way, the Police department won't take him and force him to go get psychiatric help. Learn from this: Don't cover for someone who treats you badly or abuses you. A bad apple will ruin the whole bunch.
has nothing to do with him being a wonderful person to ME-- it has to do with his ability to be an officer of the law, or to even get the chance to be an officer of the law. does he know how to talk to women and how to make them feel respected? hell no-- does he hit or beat or rape? no. difference. He completely blows as a boyfriend. And FYI- I don't still love him, I am still hurt to thing I thought someone was clearly something they weren't.
Acousticpixie14
6
Okay, so what happens when he gets called somewhere and has to deal with a woman?
well, in reality, i meant a woman in a relationship. which, i should also classify.. his ability to be a good person in a relationship declined as time went on, and with me personally. will it always be that way? probably not. and hopefully if he has to deal with a woman he is A) respectful of her or B) disrespectful and she beats his ass. BTW thank you- I appreciate the awesome comment. It is nice to hear it, for sure. :)
OMG, OP. I'm sorry. :( I did not know you were commenting (sorry if it's very late...). I just wanted to understand WHY you did this. You did what I thought was wrong and I just got "Caught in the moment" when one can get really upset by one's actions to cover somebody who doesn't give a damn about you. At least you had some pity to the guy who disliked you. I felt a bit ashamed about that I said earlier. I should have stood by you no matter what and I jumped to conclusions. I am so sorry. ;_;
I know I'm a little late, but I respect you SO MUCH for this.
You're a better person than I am.
randiZ25
0
b/c he knows that she's still in love/whipped and he knew he could get a good reference from her.
YDI for lying
Couldn't you have just said that 1. he didn't ask you to be a reference and 2. that due to the circumstances of your previous relationship you felt you were the wrong person to ask.
ideasrule
13
Assuming the OP was honest, I admire her for being mature enough to do the right thing--that is, provide an honest assessment of her ex--despite the rough breakup. In that case, this is no FML; the OP did the right thing, the police department got the information they wanted, and the ex's chances are hopefully increased. What I don't like is when people try to tarnish their ex's reputation, as if the ex is some villain who needs to be destroyed. "He broke my heart" does not mean that he's a bad person--it just means he's no longer interested in the relationship. And I know the OP says that her ex disrespected her, but considering the vague wording, I highly doubt that the disrespect involved anything more than breaking up with her.
^ Great response; totally agreed!
there are comments about fyl on other fmls but i dont see how you couldnt deserve this, they asked for an honest review, you said he disrespected you and you could have said that but ya chose not to
bsgirls
0
ydi u should have just said bad things
Why did you lie? You should have just said that he was really disrespectful.
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Why didn't you just tell them bad things?
As someone who knows a fair amount about the hiring process, you should have told them he was disrespectful. It is NOT grounds for disqualification, but it would give them a realistic idea about who he was. They would talk to him about it, but that doesn't mean they would DQ him. You should have been honest.