I, for one, think the OP did an incredibly brilliant and upstanding thing by saying nice things about her ex-boyfriend. As for the statement about him disrespecting her, it WAS very vague, and unless any of us know what she means by that, it's highly unfair to accuse the ex of being 'abusive' or a 'douche'. I mean, we're ALL guilty of being disrespective in our lives, right? I personally think it's disrespectful to be on your phone while checking out at a store... if I do that, does that mean I don't have the qualities to perform a job properly because I was disrespectful in one instance? No. Same way with the ex... none of us knows how he was disrespectful, so none of us can judge whether or not that should bar him from a career with the police department. Considering OP didn't find it relevant to mention to the department, I'm inclined to believe the circumstances of the disrespect have no bearing on the ex-boyfriend's professional character.

Should have told them you refuse to answer to that and tell them to call someone else or something..

I would have told the guy to call someone else if I were you OP. But YDI for saying good things and possibly improving his life when he broke your heart and disrespect you.

I would have just hung up...

I would have said rude hateful things about him

why didnt you just say he is disrespectful to them common girl you still in love with him thats obvious but get him a job really?

yea, I'm a cop. I'm a bitch and I'm quite ok with it.

I think it's great that OP didn't sabotage this guy's job opportunity. His being shitty in a relationship obviously is not okay, but neither is trying to destroy his chances at even being able to try for a career that could be really important to him. We don't know the details of the situation, and the problems he and OP had may well have been completely irrelevant to his suitability for duty as a police officer. If he was a batterer or an emotional or sexual abuser or an addict, yes, the police absolutely should be told that. If he's frequently disrespectful and egocentric in circumstances outside of a difficult breakup (because come on -- nobody's on their best behavior in that situation), then that should be mentioned, but probably not to the exclusion of his better traits. With all the stories of malicious and immature behavior we read here, seeing that some people actually rise above the desire for vengeance is a pleasant surprise. OP is a good person. If she'd tried to get back at her ex this way, she probably would have regretted it later. As it is, she gets to know that she made the right choice even when it hurt. I truly believe that in the end that kind of person will go farther and be happier. If this guy really is awful, he'll get what's coming to him -- not because of some mystical karmic justice, but because he won't be able to keep from showing his true colors.

If the "great, nice things" you said were truthful, then that's good of you, but it sucks that you had to reminisce. If they were false, and you lied just because you felt obligated to help him get the job, then you really shouldn't have. Just because someone uses you as a reference does not mean you should lie for them.

good for you, you're a nice person who can take the high road