Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I just got done being yelled at by my son's headteacher and a bunch of parents, all because my 6 year-old son has been arranging kiss dates between his classmates in exchange for sweets and so on. My little pimp in training. Not a proud dad moment. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
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Top comments
_streets_ 19
When I was little my cousin told me that the name of the show I loved was actually called ****..lets just say the next day the worker at my daycare was very concerned when I said I liked watching **** and that it made me happy. Fyl op, I hope the teacher wasnt too big of a dick about the situation.
Charmillionaire 13
I might add that it's a good thing the children don't know what that is, but with this generation... I just can't be too sure.
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Comments (33)
WeskersSexslave 15
lmfao!!!! genius.
taka805 10
Well that is extremely funny..
Azaarious 5
I find this hilarious but, how old is you son? Was he old enough to have known better?
TADspace 30
At least it was a phone call from the teacher and not a knock on the door from social services.
rokmann77 7
At my school, one of the teachers said, "I put coconut butter on my wife's stomach last night!" I doubt if there is 1 kid in ours school district over 10 who doesn't know what a bj is.
Maniac904 5
That kid mind ****** the shit out of his sister lmao
happilyever2012 6
I'm sorry I just took a shit while laughing do hard.
jelly713 19
No one needs to know.
jelly713 19
At least she doesn't your precious daughter doesn't know what a ******* really is & the situation didn't get out of hand.
mark1970 10
I'd laugh hysterically if it weren't so damned annoying
TheMystery13 13
Coulda been worse...he could have told her they were called "cocks"...which would leave you with far more explaining to do.