Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML
Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML
Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML
Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, three policemen interrogated me and asked for ID, but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML
Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as "Dad" to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in, or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML
Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML
Today, out of nowhere, several spam calls started calling my cellphone number. Every single one of them about health insurance. I didn't know why they were calling me or how they got my number. After a bit of questioning, it turns out my dumb dad used my name and cellphone number while trying to look for info. FML
Today, my mom and dad went off somewhere for some alone time together. My mom had apparently turned her phone off and my dad left his at home. In that span of time, my brother had accidentally locked himself out of his house, and my sister was also trying to get a hold of them, and now are asking me where they're at. FML
Today, I found out that my parents are in trouble because they left me home alone for almost two weeks (I'm 16) and my Karen neighbor found out and called social services. FML
Today, at around 11 p.m., the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML
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Top comments
Kaatosade 9
"Hello, this is your son calling on behalf of the I'm-screwed-over fund..."
SApprentice 34
Your parents sound like they're not very good at being parents. I feel sorry for you.
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Comments (70)
DerrickJames 33
One little voicemail and abra-kafabra-alakazam! They know you're not a telemarketer!
BossPathfinderGM 14
After 8 hours they still wouldn't answer? Jeez laweez, my folks would have answered the phone long before then, it would be obvious to them it was urgent.
MakeTodayADTR 20
I think your parents want you to move out, and get a job at a waffle house.
Softballchhickk 11
they could've told you they changed it...sorry OP
trellz17 19
Wow, and I used to get pissed when I got locked out, I can only imagine how you feel.
GothickNihilist 15
If the numbers were blocked , it would be understandable . I'd think that they would eventually pick up though . Oh well , at least it will be a funny story to tell during the holidays .
Pleonasm 36
"Honey, I screwed the Kid." Scheduled for release fall 2013
SApprentice 34
No, just... no. Listen to the way that sounds.
MakeTodayADTR 20
I think Michael Jackson was supposed to be in this movie...
PYLrulz 17
And Jerry Sandusky in a supporting role
numbersystem 4
Your parents are so neglectful, they even named you Anonymous! FYL indeed!
tinyj96 3
I had to break into my own house once. It kicked ass.
TurtleSmile 14
THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU
Haskins54 4
Time to pull some black ops shit!!