Health, Alcohol and Addiction: Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or...

By KyngJulian - 23/04/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 677

You deserved it 19 710

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 04:00

Today, I noticed I have more alcohol in my fridge than I do actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 1 627

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 472

You deserved it 7 170

By anonymous - 12/12/2014 01:17 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 096

You deserved it 3 448

By trp007 - 07/04/2014 03:03 - United States - New Castle

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 276

You deserved it 42 649

By Sean - 25/12/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 238

You deserved it 53 804

By drucle - 18/03/2016 12:49 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 933

You deserved it 16 209

By ccat209 - 20/12/2016 04:05 - United States - Riverton

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 675

You deserved it 9 030

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 640

By ash - 25/08/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 101

You deserved it 41 816

By egsrox95 - 01/11/2017 00:30

Today, my best friend had the balls to call me an alcoholic. She snuck vodka on a cruise ship in a Listerine bottle. I've never had a drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 809

You deserved it 342

tygerarmy 35

Tuesday 23 April 2013 9:59

Well clearly it's time to stop.. watering down your drinks with so much ice.

Ashamed_Sister 60

Tuesday 23 April 2013 9:59

You simply might be an ice lover, not an alcoholic.

Comments

jlynpa 10

Tuesday 23 April 2013 14:08

I think what you need is one of those industrial frozen Drink makers to cure your "problem";) Mai tais anyone? It'll keep up!

StEpHiE1226 12

Tuesday 23 April 2013 14:28

This happens at my house too. After my AA meetings we found a liquor store that sells bags of ice!

finch01 18

Tuesday 23 April 2013 14:42

u just need a faster one...

Schiffy 18

Tuesday 23 April 2013 15:06

Sounds more like a patience problem than an alcohol problem....

whY402Jay 12

Tuesday 23 April 2013 15:51

Not necessarily an alcoholic. Trust me. It also depends on what you wer drinking and why.

seacadet 18

Tuesday 23 April 2013 17:20

As an Irishman... I consider this a win.

stevothedevo 25

Tuesday 23 April 2013 18:19

Time for AA??

Xotoolyxo 16

Tuesday 23 April 2013 23:34

At least you realized it before someone had to tell you

martinfml 8

Tuesday 23 April 2013 23:53

You're not alone.

outoftown 26

Wednesday 24 April 2013 3:42

One more step, OP: "Today, I found out I AM an alcoholic." My condolences to your icemaker.

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The Top

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said, "You know? I like little girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 360

You deserved it 61 100

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 434

You deserved it 5 100

The Top

Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 155

You deserved it 6 757

Today, I asked my parents if I could have their old Polaroid camera so I could take artsy pictures, but they got all defensive, because, "Polaroid pictures can’t be traced." So I jokingly said I was using it to take pictures of my drug cartel to have a record of my stocks, and now they think I’m some sort of drug lord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 475

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store and out of no where, a car backing up pretty fast speeds downs the parking lot and hits me, causing me to fall down and drop all of the groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 905

You deserved it 4 673

Today, I asked my boyfriend to meet me in the park to talk. Just when I wanted to break up, he knelt down on one knee and proposed. I had to reject him in front of a whole crowd of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 703

You deserved it 956

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 3 894

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 114

You deserved it 4 253

Same thing different taste

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